My Boaz loved my size 16 plus body. He loved every part of my curves and edges and couldn’t get enough of them.
However in December 2018 just after Christmas, I became even bigger. I went shopping and to my horror, I could not fit into size 16 trousers. The thought of actually buying a size 18 terrified me, this was the biggest I had ever become and reality sank in that I was heading towards clinical obesity. At this point I felt so fat and unattractive, not to mention I couldn’t wear the clothes and styles I wanted to wear because I was now too big. I then went to an event and when I got the professional pictures of myself, I looked so fat I just wasn’t comfortable sharing those pictures on social media.
But what was beautiful about me being big was that I have a husband who absolutely adored my body. Not once did he ever make me feel like I was fat or unattractive. Not once did he ever tell me that I was getting too big. Not once did he ever tell me that I needed to lose weight. In fact when I felt so insecure about my weight, he used to look at me and say, “Gosh you have such a beautiful body babe.”
Before I met my Boaz, Kofi Nino, I was married to a Zimbabwean man who did everything in his capacity to body shame my curves. He used to blatantly say to me, “you need to lose weight”. That man never told me that I have a beautiful body. That man never even made me feel that I was beautiful or special.
My previous husband used to tell me constantly that I needed to lose weight.
But my Ghanaian Boaz, oh my, when I ballooned to a size 16 plus, he would take my pictures and show me off on his whats-app and would send them to his brothers saying, “Look at my beautiful wife”. It must be that Ghanaian anointing.
So with my Boaz, though I was getting bigger and bigger, I never felt the intense pressure to lose weight because he always told me that there was nothing wrong with my body.
I met Boaz when I was a UK size 12 five years ago. So when he first fell in love with me I wasn’t a big woman. But thanks to him, he fattened me up, literally. I became big not only because I have given birth to 6 children, but because my husband loves to cook, and he makes the most delicious Ghanaian cuisines. And besides, much of the weight gain was because I was just happy, loved and well fed.
Because I am tall and have a lot of muscle, and used to go jogging regularly, I got away with the size 16 body. I looked quite toned even though I was a plus size. But when I couldn’t fit a size 16 anymore, I realized that this was now a serious health issue. I wasn’t going to allow my loving husband to love me all the way into obesity, so I decided enough was enough. I needed to take care of my health and well-being.
No offence to women who wear size 18 but for me, I couldn’t possibly do it. The clothes of that size don’t have a good fitting at all. I am a mother of 6, but I love to look good too.
So January 2019 I did something I have never done before, I joined the Gym. I always hated Gyms because I found them intimidating.
But joining the Gym taught me one thing, always be willing to try new things.
Right now, I am so addicted to the Gym. My husband even complains that I’m spending too much time in the Gym, that’s how much I love it. But joining the gym was the best thing I ever did this year, I have achieved a far better result than just jogging regularly outdoors. The Gym gives you a better structure, routine and there is so much equipment to play around with. Its basically fun, and for me it gives me time away from my 6 babies.
In 3 months I have lost 6 kgs, which is a lot for me because I am heavy boned and have a lot of muscle. I have gone from a size 16-18 to a size 14. I even squizzed into my size 12 denim shorts the other day. That’s how much I have lost.
But I choose not to go back to the skinny woman I used to be, which represents the pain I used to be in when I was that skinny.
I don’t want to lose anymore weight. I will maintain this body, for my Boaz’s sake. It is his body. Sometimes as black women, we have a lot of pressure from the mainstream media to look the “perfect size” according to white beauty, when we forget that generally black women have bigger buttocks, thighs and hips. I am so grateful that I have a husband who taught me to love my curves and appreciate the body of a black woman, for that reason, a size 14 is just perfect for me and my King.
I am now Mary-Tamar after all.