By Jean Gasho
In an ideal world a man is supposed to have a career, be established financially, meet the woman of his dreams, preferably a young virgin who has never been touched or kissed, propose to her, have a beautiful white wedding, buy a nice little house of their own, start making beautiful babies, and live happily ever after. That just about rounds up the model of marriage in a perfect world. But unfortunately we do not live in a perfect world, we live in a world that is literally upside down. Everything became upside down the day Eve was deceived by the snake and ate of the forbidden fruit. We live in a fallen world. And as we advance in generations, the world is become more wicked than ever.
But lets talk about single mothers in this fallen world shall we. Do they fit in the perfect picture of marriage? What is to become of women when they are left holding the babies by the men they trusted? I write this article in the spirit of Naomi to all my single mother sisters out there. Naomi said to Ruth, “My daughter, shall I not seek security for you, that it may be well with you?” . Being a single mother is one of the cruellest places a mother can find herself. Its confusing, daunting and overwhelming. Is there hope for her in this cruel judgemental world? Is there a place for love and security for her? Lets find out shall we?
1.A Single Mother Is A Virtuous Woman.
Yes we live in a cruel world, but God has a way of turning even the most painful situation into a blessing. And I believe this is always the case with single mothers. Taught and groomed by God to become the best of women, experienced, mature and strong. Like gold, they have been tried and tested by fire, without knowing it they become the virtuous women described in Proverbs 31 because they learn to rely on God alone to be the women they were designed to be. The bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing. A good wife possesses character. James 1: 1-4 says we should count it all joy when we fall into trials because character and steadfastness is build from the trials we endure. When a man falls in love with a single mother her character captivates him, its defined and mature, and he will definitely tell the difference between her and the women who have not been through anything and are just waiting for a man to put a ring on their finger.
“ A wife of a noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Proverbs 31:10
2. A Single Mother Is Independent Financially.
We live in a realistic world, where money is important and answers all things. Yes men are designed to be the providers, but men also need helpers to make it towards their dreams. Proverbs 31 describes a financially stable woman who is an entrepreneur and hard worker. Every man wants a woman whom they can benefit from socially and financially. You get into a relationship you can see it will benefit you practically and improves your life. It’s biblical and practical. Single mothers learn to hustle and build empires for themselves and their children. They rent or own their own homes. They pay their own bills. They put food on their own tables. They have their own cars. A man who marries a single mother has everything to gain financially and socially, he is not starting from scratch, the woman is already there. And she will build her man into the king he desires to be.
“The heart of her husband safely trusts in her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” Proverbs 31: 11-12
3. A Single Mother Is A Strong Woman
No woman dreams of growing up to ever become a single mother. It’s almost every woman’s fear. Society shuns her for being impregnated and left by the man she trusted. Society shuns her for being divorced by their husband and left holding the children. She learn to pick herself up, raise her children by herself in a world that condemns her for being a single mother. She doesn’t want to be a single mother but she is forced to be one. She can not run away from it because her children now look up to her for their every need of their lives, half which would have come from their father. Now she has to be the mummy and daddy. She cries and breaks down at the shock that now lies ahead of her, spiritually, emotionally, socially, financially and physically. But somehow along the transition, she learns that she does not have time to wail and mourn her situation. The only thing which gives her strength is her children; she finds strength in places she never thought. She learns to multi task, and becomes both a mother and father to her children. She rises above the social stigma and is even surprised at the woman she has transformed to be. She learns to be a woman in a man’s world. She learns to live without a man in a man’s world. She teaches her children survival. She learns to provide for them. She takes all the lemons that the world has thrown at her, and makes herself sweet lemonade. Out of the ashes single motherhood she rises and becomes a strong woman who stand independently. She has developed resistance that is attractive to men. Yes every man wants a woman who is strong emotionally and wont break down at every life crises. She trusts God to know whatever life throws at her, everything will be okay in the end.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25
4.A Single Mother Doesn’t Nag
Because she is mature and has had experience in relationship, she has learnt to appreciate a man. She has grown to understand men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. She has learnt to be her own best friend, emotionally. She has learnt that she can survive without crying on a man. She has gone through enough to understand men think differently from women, sometimes you just have to appreciate him for who he is, and things like living the toilet sit up are not worth fighting over. A single mother knows what real abuse is, and lets her man be when he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor in the bathroom. A single mother understands that there are some things men just don’t get, and she is okay with that, its not the end of the world.
“It is better to live alone in a desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife” Proverbs 21:19
5.A Single Mother Is Not The Jealous Type
A single mother is not threatened by other women, even the younger ones. She is secure enough to know why her man chose her, a single mother over all the other younger single girls. She won’t be jealous even when she sees her man talking to another woman, she knows her virtue and substance is like a magnet towards her man. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a confident woman, she knows when all is said and done, her man only has praises for her.
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 31.30
6.A Single Mother Knows How To Look Good After Bearing Children
As women we tend to let ourselves go after bearing children, especially with a husband in the house, we feel like there is no longer a need to look hot and sexy any more, we are already taken right. But when a woman suddenly becomes a single mother, she realizes that she has to go back on the market again. Her body can not define that she is a single mother. She grooms herself, and becomes the best of herself after bearing children. To men its attractive to see a woman who looks hot after having children, they can see that whether you have children or not, you will remain a beautiful woman and you take pride in your appearance. At least they can see what they are signing up for, with a young unmarried woman with no children, her beautiful body may be a temporary asset that will change dramatically after giving birth. Yes every man wants a beautiful looking woman as a wife…and hopes she remains pleasing to the eyes even after child birth …
“The young woman (Esther) had a beautiful figure, and was lovely to look at.” Esther 2:7
7.A Single Mother Is A Hard Worker
Women who have been abandoned and let down by men learn to survive on their own. She learns to juggle a career and being a mom and dad at home. Her life experience has snapped her out of being a spoiled woman. She learns to work under immense pressure. Men are attracted to women who are hard workers, they know they can rely on such women when life becomes tough or something happens to them such that they are unable to provide.Even though Ruth was not a single mother, she was a widow and a perfect example of a hard working woman. She met Boaz on the threshing floor. Boaz was attracted to her first because of her virtue and hard work.
“She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands. She is like the merchant ships, and brings her food from afar. She also rises whilst it is yet night, and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants” Proverbs 31:13-15
8.A Single Mother Is Not Desperate For A Man And Can Smell A Douche Bag From Afar
This is the thing, though a single mother wants and needs a man, she has learnt to live without one in extreme conditions, so she is not desperate for one. A single mother has been let down by a douche bag, probably abused and betrayed, and treated very unkindly by a man, so she now knows the difference between a man and a douche. Experience has been her best teacher, she now knows all the abusive warning signs and recognise them sooner rather than later. She can literally smell an abusive predator on Facebook. She is mature enough to go for substance in a man, not just looks and status. She takes her time to know a man before she jumps into bed with him, she has learnt self discipline and to live without sex. A desperate woman puts off a man, some women are willing to settle for anything as long as it has a male genital and says I love you. A single mother has been through enough to know the words “ I love You” can actually mean nothing. She knows her Facebook inbox being flooded by strangers telling her how cute she is means absolutely nothing and will not fall for abusers, predators and men who are out there to take advantage of vulnerable women. A single mother will know a real man when she meets one.
A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him first just to find her,” Max Lucado.
9.A Single Mother Is A Woman With A Heritage
A single mother is a woman who knows her priority. Her children are her first calling. The most endearing beauty and charm to her is motherhood. Her children are so well looked after that they emulate the mother she is. Her children portrays the good woman she has grown to be. A man who will win her heart has to go through her children first. Children’s hearts are pure, and are the best judges of character in adults. A good man knows he has to be approved by her children first. A good man learns how to be a father to another man’s children, it takes a mature man in character and honour to achieve that. A good man knows that when he embraces children that are not his by birth they become his by virtue, and will honour him as their father in the fullness of time, and even bring him blessings bigger than biological children. A real man knows it takes more than sperms to become a father. Esther and Mordecai are a perfect example of a beautiful father daughter relationship that God can create out of an imperfect situation. The world is so upside down it shuns a woman with many children, but contrary to popular belief a man who finds such a woman is blessed. A real man sees a woman with children as a blessing and heritage, not just for herself, but for him too.
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has a quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies at the gate.” Psalms 127:3-5
10.A Single Mother Knows How To Please Her Man
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. If you want a man to love you, cooking him good food is certainly a good way to win his affection. A single mother has been through so much pain and loneliness, that when she finally meets her Boaz she sure knows how to keep him satisfied. A single mother cooks, cleans and keeps the home, her own home. She already knows how to be a wife without a husband. During her trials, she makes her home her prayer sanctuary, her home oozes perseverance, character and patience. Her kitchen is not just a kitchen, its her threshing floor, she dreams as she prepares her food, that maybe one day her Boaz will walk though the door and she will make him her best meal. But it doesn’t only ends in the kitchen; a single mother knows how to keep her Boaz satisfied in the bedroom too. She is already an experienced lover, and she will use this to her advantage. She has learnt to live without intimacy, she well grounded sexually so she is less likely to cheat or stray. Her bed in not just a place to lie down, like in songs of Solomon she longs for her lover to come home and when he finally does, she knows how to make him know there is no other woman who can ever replace her. Yes I have said it, a single mother knows the way to a man heart, she appreciates her Boaz so much she just wants to keep him happy in the kitchen and bedroom, and she gets a lot of love and affection in return
“For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:5-5
And to end my article here are some perfect movies which beautifully portray security love and hope for the single mother in a modern world.Enjoy…