Its International Women’s Month this month. Its international Women’s Day today on March 8. This month, today especially is all about empowering and motivating women. I am a women rights activist having survived horrendous life threatening domestic and religious abuses.
Before you read my article, I’m sure the title has already made you raise an eyebrow or two. You may wonder why a woman in the 21 century living in the first world would sit down to pen such an article as this, especially on International Women’s Day. I want you to understand where I am standing as I write. 3 years ago I was cruelly abused, abuses that almost cost me my life, was I not a writer . I was not only abused by my ex husband, but by my former pastor and the entire church system. After my abuses, I had to go on journey of self search and discovery, my ex husband and pastor argued strongly that I was mentally deranged and deserved every evil that befell me. But I knew I wasn’t mental, had never been diagnosed or treated. I also learnt that there were millions of women in the world who had been abused for the same reasons I was abused. I was abused because I was a woman. I was abused because God created me the weaker vessel to the man. I leant to fight abuse by just being a woman, being myself. Even my weaker attributes of a woman helped me find myself.
Sometimes in order to fight abuse, we need to just understand who we are. We are women, weaker than men. The bible says it. Nature confirms it. Abusers use it. But in order to be a strong woman, you do not need to act like man. You do not even need to think like a man as Steve Harvey says. You are a woman, you do not need to be abused because you behave like a woman. You do not need to feel bad or apologise for being the weaker vessel, its in our genes, its on our system, you do not need to think like a man and behave like a man to make it in this world, we just need to understand our weaknesses as the weaker vessels and know how to cope with them, here is why…
1.Women are weaker spiritually
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” Genesis 3:1
We all know that Eve was targeted by the serpent simply because she was the weaker vessel spiritually. The reason why churches are filled with women more than men is not because women are more spiritual, actually its the opposite. Sadly as women we fool ourselves that we are more spiritual, thats why we fill the churches. Ummm it’s not like there will be more women in heaven than men. Most churches are actually dens of thieves run by masters of iniquity. Most (not all) religious leaders start churches as business ideas with women being their target. Women are just so gullible spiritually. In the church I was abused it was single women who literally financed the Bishop. The truth of the matter is men are wiser spiritually, its not an easy truth to accept as women but its the truth. If you are married woman please stop attending a church which your husband is not happy with, no matter how anointed the pastor is. You are better off staying at home. No real men of God will tell you your husband is wrong to stop you attending his church. Men will enter a church with both eyes open, statistics prove it, its a fact. So because women are weaker spiritually, most of the abuses that they go through spiritually they sadly attribute it to God being at work, its a painful reality. Half of the victims in church will never know they are being abused. Women we are weaker spiritually, we need to accept this and allow ourselves to be under the headship of the men whom God has put in our lives to protect us from spiritual predators, be it brothers, fathers or husbands.
For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 3:6-7.
2. Women are easily deceived
Not just on a spiritual level, but in all aspects of life especially love. Women just love words, sweet nothings and empty promises. Anything that is pleasing to the ear will do. Whatever tickles our fancy. Anything that will make us feel good. Being naive is part of who we are, we can be so pure and trusting, and believing of everything. Sometimes we are just ignorant of the fact that not everyone actually means what they say, especially men. It took me a long time to actually learn this, even though it sounds so obvious and simple. A wise woman tests the spirit and doesn’t just fall for a man because of empty words. A lot of women have fallen victim to abuse because a guy told them they looked beautiful and he loved them.However when a man is genuine, being trusting and believing is a beautiful attribute to have.
Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1
3. Women are fantasists
Women just love to imagine and dream. From little girls we dream of meeting our handsome prince charming and being whisked off to happily ever after. On your first date with a guy you have already pictured your wedding dress, the venue, and what your kids will look like. Men are practical thinkers and realists. Women want everything picture perfect. A perfect man who just does everything just the way they like. I have heard a number of men say they called off a relationship because the woman would be pressuring them into marriage 24/7. Sometimes its very hard for men and women to draw the line. But as women we have to learn to draw the fantasies from reality. We pull back a bit and allow men to be realists, it doesn’t mean we stop being women and being in our own little happy bubble, its good sometimes, healthy even. And maybe, just maybe there will come that special somebody who will fulfil every fantasy and dream…well almost.
4. Women are weaker physically
Its not rocket science, we are the weaker vessels physically. Even though our bodies have supernatural strength when it comes to childbirth, men have more physical strength than us. Unfortunately a lot of women have lost their lives because of this natural weakness. Women have been battered to death simply because they were not strong enough to fight back physically. Most of the times with physical abuse women are taken advantage of just because they are women. Jennifer Lopez’s movie Enough is a powerful portrayal of physical abuse and how men uses their physique as an advantage towards us. Women are raped because of physical weakness. We do not have to train in martial arts to protect ourselves from physical abuse, the wisest thing is to walk away from a physically abusive relationship, there is no other solution to it.
5.Women are emotional
There is no denying it, we are emotional beings. Women handle emotions differently to men. Our emotions are wired differently. Women talk more about how they feel than men. Women express their emotions more with facial expressions, crying and body language . Men tend to keep their feelings to themselves and solve emotional problems individually. Women just love to talk and feel emotion and act upon it. There is nothing wrong with this feminine attribute, its what makes us caring by nature, understanding and most importantly mothers. But sadly it has another flip side. Our emotions makes us fragile and delicate. We wound easily, we break easily.Something that can be nothing to men is big enough to send a woman into an emotional meltdown. This is one of the main reasons why we are more vulnerable than men and prone to abuse emotionally. Studies show emotional abuse is one of the most prevalent type of abuse to women by their spouses. Women are more likely to be emotionally abused than men. A man can take advantage of the weaker emotions of a woman. You do not need to apologise for being emotional. A man does not need to abuse you because you are emotionally fragile. Emotional abuse can be more damaging than physical abuse because the wounds are unseen and take longer to heal.
6. Women find it difficult to let go of grudges
Still talking of emotions, but in a different branch, a woman knows how to keep a grudge especially against another woman. Men can hurt each other, insult each other and fall out but in two days time you see them laughing together as if nothing ever happened, even helping each other out. They just dont keep grudges, they move on and forgive and forget. However with women, its a whole different ball game. If another woman hurts you, she goes in your black book for life and is blacklisted for like forever. I think God made us this way as a way of protecting us from hurt because we just dont deal with emotional pain very well. Put 5 women in one house for a week there will probably be murder. Women just love to gossip and fight each other, and sadly half the time its over men, or jealousy. My favourite reality show is Real Housewives of Atlanta and this show is a perfect example of women. The women literally fight at every gathering they meet. Its crazy. One of my favourite inspirational quotes is from Diane Von Furstenberg who famously says when a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier. In the church I was abused I had a couple of best friends who in the end almost destroyed me. I learnt that sometimes as a woman, its best to just be your own best friend, gossip with yourself when you cooking, tell yourself who annoys you and whom you find irritating. Have friends you hang out with, but to protect yourself from unnecessary hurt and pain, just be your own best friend…that way you wont be keeping a grudge with anyone and no one will certainly accuse you of saying this and that about whom and which.
So I advise these younger widows to marry again, have children, and take care of their own homes. Then the enemy will not be able to say anything against them. 1 Timothy 5:14
7. Women are weaker mentally
I want to make it clear that in no way am I saying men are more intelligent than women. Neither am I saying women are stupid. Intellectually, men and women are equal. I am talking about mental resistance and the capacity to withstand mental torture. I believe women are more prone to chemical imbalances in their brains. Psychological, physical and social causes makes us more prone to this aspect. I worked as a mental health nurse, and I witnessed this reality first hand, and boy working with women in a mental health ward is one of the most challenging jobs. They strip, they bite, they trash, they verbally abuse, they spit you name it. Any obscene thing you can think of. Their mental resistance is weak. However men in a mental health ward are calmer, yes they kick off here and there, but they are not on the same level as women who are mentally unwell. Research shows women are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression than men. Our bodies alone puts us through a lot of physical stress, menstruation, childbearing and menopause.Again the bible says we are the weaker vessels for a reason, we are also fragile mentally, and we are to be treated with great care and love to avoid breaking. We are like glass, so beautiful but delicate. When it breaks the damage is nasty. In 2007 the world watched in horror as pop sensation Britney Spears had a mental breakdown that led to her sectioning after her split with husband. No woman, no matter how strong is beyond a mental breakdown.
8. Women are weaker socially
This is very debatable of course, especially with the feminist movement of today. With Hilary Clinton running for American president, likely to become the most powerful person in the world if elected, this view is not very popular. Women want equal rights, equal everything. This is where the battle of the sexes is. Who rules. Who has dominion? I’m coming from a biblical perspective here. Remember it was Adam not Eve who was given the command not to eat of the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Remember it was Adam who named the animals, not Eve. It was Adam who even named Eve, after she was created from his own rib. God did say to Eve, your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. A woman is designed to submit. Yes its a painful truth, the most difficult for a woman to follow, hence Eve ate the forbidden fruit and led the entire human race into sin. There is a reason why only one woman in Israel ever became a judge. There is a reason why Israel only had ruling Kings, not Queens. There is a reason why no woman was among the twelve disciples of Christ. There is a reason why there is no Apostle Paulla, just Apostle Paul. On a social perspective, from the garden of Eden till today, women are not meant to rule or have dominion globally. Women operates in their fullest potential as helpers. It doesn’t mean women are any less than men, it just means we have different roles to men, socially. It doesn’t mean women cant be leaders, or activists or women rights advocates, it just means some roles are simply not designed for us, and when we start operating outside of our domain, the world becomes a confusing place just as it was in the garden of Eden when Eve chose to have dominion over Adam. We now live in a world where women are obeying their pastors (false prophets/serpents) more than they obey their own husbands at home. My dear women, no matter how spiritual you are, this is not supposed to be.
To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16
To conclude my article, its International Women’s Month. Lets remind ourselves why we are women. We do not need to be like men. We do not need to be equal to men. We do not need to think like men. Its okay to be Just A Woman. No one has to abuse you because you are the weaker vessel. Its God who made us like that and he loves us just the same. Just let your wings fly and be the woman God created you to be! We may not have all the answers as to why women are the weaker vessels, some secret things belongs to God. I leave you with this special quote by Maya Angelou, just be yourself. Happy Women’s Month!