Mary-Tamar, How Did You Win The King’s Heart, My Man Won’t Agree To Marry Me.

Becoming Mrs Offeh Series

Since I announced my surprise new beginning of Becoming Mrs Offeh a week ago, I’ve been getting a lot of messages from women asking me what I did to make the King propose to me and how I won his heart for him to go all out and buy me such beautiful rings. I had one particular message that touched me and it went like…

“Dear Mary-Tamar. I have lived with my man for two years but he has never hinted marriage or proposal, I have a one year old baby with him, each time I mention marriage he gets angry and starts saying I’m pushing him. He never puts me on his whats-app profile but he used to put his ex girlfriend, I feel hes just with me for the baby but he doesn’t love me and its getting me depressed. I want to tap into your anointing please help, how did you get your man to propose?”

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As touched as I was by this message from a dear sister, the truth is I never did anything to hold my man down to propose to me, he did so out of his own desire. The answer for me reaching this milestone in my life was time…

God makes everything beautiful in His time...

But this sister reminded me of my former self. When I invited Nino to the UK 6 years ago, I expected him to land in the country and marry me right away. I was even in such a rush for my divorce to go through so Nino would marry me.

I had two very close friends, one black Zimbabwean and one white British.

My Zimbabwean sister pressured me so much and told me that Nino had to pay lobola to Zimbabwe before he could move into my house. My white British wealthy friend told me never to sleep with Nino or make him live in my house unless he bought me a ring and showed some serious commitment.

So as soon as Nino landed in the UK, I expressed the pressure I was getting from my two best friends. I also wanted to get married quick so I would show Agape people, my ex husband, Masocha, my “mother”, my “sister” I mean the list was endless, that I had now made it.

One friend who was a former Agape cult member told me straight to stop blogging about Nino, she was like, “Unless Nino puts a ring on it, stop going on about him like you are his wife. Lol he’s just using you.”

So to my horror and utter dismay, when Nino landed in the UK, he told me that 1) he was not going to sleep with me because he didn’t just jump into bed with women, sex was sacred to him, , he had to get to know the woman first, and her energy 2) he was not going to marry me, 3) he hated weddings and all the fuss that came along with them and 4) he was not going to put me on his social media, he respected his privacy on his pages.

I found this hard to deal with, he came across as very brutal and honest. Within a week of him in the UK, soon after we came from our first mini holiday, I had such a heated argument with him the relationship seemed over before it even started.

But there was a another side of him that made me so happy, he made me laugh all the time. When I was with him, I felt like I was home. But he would only kiss me, and that was it. I felt very confused.

That very week of him landing in the UK, Nino posted a picture on Facebook of him and a Ghanaian girl at the UK Parliament where he had performed. My Zimbabwean best friend was even the first to see the pictures, then told me. She was like, “Jean this man wants a Ghanaian woman, he will even leave you for a white girl if you are not careful, after you brought him here. Go on his wall and tag a picture of you and him so everyone of his people know he is with you.”

I took that advise and went to his page and tagged myself. He was away in London, and I thought he was going to be so angry with me and we would fight, but to my biggest surprise he didn’t shout at me or anything, he laughed, and said, “Ah I have never seen a woman like you, now by force you are putting yourself on my page.”

I felt a bit embarrassed if truth be told. I knew I needed to calm down and relax, but inside I was hurting. Then I went into his phone one day as he was sleeping, and saw a long chat of him discussing me with his closest friend, I could only understand the English bits, most of the chat was in Twi.

I read a message which almost killed me, “Lol she wants marriage, but she has to know I’m not like that…”

The friend said something like, “What are you going to do, Zimbabwe will be waiting oo”

I remember literally bursting into tears, and forwarded the chat to my email for future evidence. Well over time, I learnt to leave Nino’s phone alone…

My Zimbabwean best friend then told me Nino had juju, that’s why he wasn’t consummating the relationship with me, she advised me to force the man to lie with me. After about a month of taking advise from my Zimbabwean friend, I realized that I needed to stop the madness, as I was on the verge of losing Nino.

Nino also told me to stop speaking to my Zimbabwean friend, and cut of all ties with her. It was the hardest thing for me to do, I loved my friend. But it was now a choice of either keeping her or losing the man I loved, in the end I had to let her go.

I prayed to God, and asked him to give me the grace to be with this man, who was so complicated yet so beautiful and charming and loving. My children loved him so much, he brought so much joy to my home. I stopped asking him to marry me, I stopped asking him to put me on his social media, I stopped asking him to lie with me. I found happiness with him regardless, and I found myself content.

Then after about 6 months of us being together, he took me to the marriage bed. And he put a picture of us together on his social media.

Even though he was using my papers to apply for permanent stay in the UK, he still maintained that he did not want marriage and wasn’t ready for all that. I still gave him everything I had, even the lawyer fees, I would pay for it. I gave him everything for one reason alone…

 I loved him. 

Yes, and I learnt to I submit to him and wait on him.

But my white British friend was like, “I understand he doesn’t want marriage or to rush into sex and all, he’s a unique man and you have to respect that he does love you Jean, but the least he can do is buy you a ring, as a commitment, tell him to buy you a ring.”

Sadly I listened to such counsel, and went to Nino and demanded he buy me a ring as a sign of his commitment, and he said, “Hell no, I will do no such foolish thing, especially if it is friends advising you of such foolishness, why should a man be told by women to buy a woman a ring.” he had told me.

So somehow, I let go, it was really a process. 

But something beautiful and unexpected happened during that process of me letting go. We had a wedding in the park about 4 months after Nino had come to the UK. It was not planned, we were walking in the park, then my daughter picked flowers for me, they were so beautiful and white, and looked like a wedding bouquet, we had a camera, so I said, “Oh my gosh Nino, let’s have a wedding, right now.” I was kinda of joking but serious. And to my surprise he said, “Okay, lets do it!” It was like a proper Vegas moment, like something you watch in a movie where they say, “Lets do something crazy, lets get married right now!”

So my then 9 year old daughter, with no rings, officiated the wedding. My second son was the photographer, and my oldest walked me down the isle. The wedding guests were my four children…Fadzi was a baby, she stayed ever so good in her pram.

The park wedding was actually romantic and beautiful, the late afternoon sun’s rays shone calmly on my face, the scene in the park was serene, as I walked humbly towards my King, he was looking at me smiling. My son, only 6 at the time, captured the most beautiful moment, it seemed as though the Universe had stopped,and nature witnessed the most beautiful wedding ever, a wedding were no money, silver or gold was spent. It was that moment where I walked to my true love.

I was wearing a pretty lace black jacket which seemed like a wedding jacket.

As my eldest son walked me down the isle which was the foot path in the park, smiling at me, I imagined and prayed, that maybe one day God will change Nino’s heart and he would find me worthy to be his official bride he would honour before the world…

We said our vows, and Nakai pronounced us man and wife .

"You may kiss the bride", my excited daughter said to her new Daddy. 

I did treasure that park wedding very much, with time, even Nino treasured it, and would always refer to it…

The most beautiful thing about the park wedding is that Nino and I had not consummated our relationship when we wed in the park, I was basically like a virgin before him.

When I said to him over the years, “But you didn’t marry me.”….

He would say, “You are my wife in every sense, don’t let the world tell you what is a definition of a wife, neither speak negative things into your life, I married you in the park remember, and the children testified and blessed the wedding….”

Sometimes I would laugh, sometimes I got so angry. But one thing I always knew was God honored that park wedding, so yes I was always his wife, he made a vow and commitment to love and cherish me till death do us part, in front of my 4 children, the only people in this world who loved me. He made that vow before he took me to the marriage bed.

The first weekend he came to the UK, I took him for a weekend away in Skelmersdale, the home town of my children, where my marriage had broken. We went to my favourite park, where the children used to play, it was painful and bittersweet, I cried and laughed, but it was that weekend where chains were broken, I saw a double rainbow…on the hill I used to sit alone praying, sometimes crying, as my marriage to my first husband was a hard journey.

On that hill, the second day Nino came to the UK, we had our first pictures taken…yes I was ever so skinny and gaunt, but it was a picture of my pain and suffering.

So over the years I learnt to wait on the man I love, and be patient…he had given me his most prized possession, his staff…and he was ready to chase his dreams.

So my dear sister, that is how I did it, that is how I won the heart of the King, and got him to give me not one but two rings, and honour me before any other…

The Genesis Of The Revelation By

Mary-Tamar was Jean