Dear Jean, My Life Is Proof That Most Black Men Prefer Light Skin.

Yesterday I received a very touching comment on one of my articles from a beautiful melanin goddess called Victoria. And this is what she said…

My life is proof that most black men prefer fair skinned. Me and my sister got same mother and father (biological) and I am brown skin with beautiful copper red skin flawless in the sunshine. I am told this by many black women. I have deep honey brown eyes. I take good care of my skin.

My sister is yellow skin with green grey eyes, yet even growing up guys would ask me out and try to sneak around with my sister and make comments like “I can see myself marrying your sister she is gorgeous” I was always “pretty”. Yet not to brag but I am very attractive. I know this cause men from other countries, foreigners, even chinese people tell me I am beautiful. My sister also regularly brags about how her fair features, but brags only to me. Fair skinned women are fully aware that many black men prefer them.

I can remember my family putting pictures of my sister out on display and not me. I got countless rejection from black men, each reminding me to my face that they prefer fair skin women. My x once said “white women can get men with money. Brown skin women have stinky vaginas…etc” We got in a big fight. He later apologised but I was done with him by then. I remember when I went out with my fair skinned friends, I was always last to get a guy to talk to them at a party or ask me out. I am well built and they would only comment on my sexy figure. I sat next two 3 guys who always talked about how fair skinned and white women were sexy. I realise a lot of black men prefer white women or fair skinned cause they busy looking at them as angels, pure looking, a direct contrast of them, this is realise is them self hating.

When I was growing up I only got light skinned guys or white guys interested. My x actually went and emailed a bunch of fair skinned women behind my back, asking them out.

I ended up meeting my husband who is an Irish white man. I knew him since I was ten but met him again while I was 18. I decided to get with him cause he is carrying loving man. My reason for marrying outside my race was for love. I am very much into being black and is a natural black woman. He supports me.

My problem with black men dating fair skinned and white women is they feel the need to tell brown skin women they prefer that. I personally feel when you set a preference of what shade of skin you will date, you are discriminating and insane. Shade of skin has nothing to do with someones attraction. I dated a Chinese guy that I found very attractive. I also dated a a very dark skin guy that I found very attractive. I dated a brown skin guy that was so attractive, I could barely keep my hands off him. He later showed he preferred white fair skinned girls. If you feel unattracted to someone with a complexion close to yours or darker than you, then it clearly shows you some self hating issues.

It’s women like Victoria who make me proud to be the writer that I am.

She reminded me of my own journey with my first daughter. When she was a baby, during her first year, as she grew, her melanin grew with her. When she was about 6 months old, my brother visited me and the first thing he said as he saw her was, ‘What has happened to her, how can she be black like this? Why is she dark?’ He asked me.

He looked at me, waiting for me to answer. It was not a rhetorical question. He was actually asking me why my baby was ‘too dark’. And I was supposed to come up with an answer to explain myself why I birthed a dark skinned child.
I was not yet a melanin advocate then, I was timid, young and weak. I couldn’t defend myself let alone my baby against hateful insults from her own blood.
All I could say was ‘Its because shes dark, that’s how she was born’. I swallowed a ball of pain in my throat, and just cuddled my dark skinned baby, holding back the tears.
‘No. This is too much’, he said something to this effect. ‘She’s too dark, its not nice.’
I was extremely hurt and tormented by his comments about my baby for years.
If her own uncle could look at her and feel disgusted by her dark skin, how was the world going to treat her, I wondered.

And somehow, my fears came to pass, I took her to Zimbabwe on holiday, and one relative asked me why I had such a dark daughter.

After the trip to Zimbabwe, I realised that God had blessed me specifically with a melanin rich daughter for a reason. As I matured in age and understanding, I learnt to protect my daughter from self hating black people. I learnt to teach her how exceptionally beautiful she was.

No one will ever speak ill of her skin. No one can bring her down. She knows she’s very pretty, and her name even describes her beauty. She’s always on the mirror, magnifying her beauty.

She has never once expressed any hatred for her beautiful skin. Shes mentions her dark skin with pride and confidence. She will say things like, ‘I need to buy this shade because it goes with my dark skin. I like this because it will suit my skin’.


One of her friends from school, at only 12, bleached their skin, my daughter was like ‘why would anyone want to change their skin?’

No self hating black slave will ever look at her and pass a derogatory comment about her melanin, she will probably laugh in your face.


Reading the comment from Victoria reminded me of my daughter.

The only comments I get about her is how strikingly beautiful she is, because she actually is.
This year Black British Entertainment is launching our first Fashion Show, and she asked to be one of the models, because she wants to show off her natural hair.
I always say to my children, only the pure in heart are able to see the perfect beauty of melanin. That’s why hatred is not able to comprehend it. Ugliness can’t stand it.

13 thoughts on “Dear Jean, My Life Is Proof That Most Black Men Prefer Light Skin.

  1. I need you blackwemen alot without you I will vomit I feel sick without you I need your protection alot especially now.


    1. But jean you have a very beautifull teenage daughter….what is all this nonsense about men appreciating white women over black ones??? Those are men with defined psychological disorders of inferiority complexes and need decolonise their mind….

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I am a light skin black woman. Yes within our tribe there is racism based o color and economics. I was ridiculed as a child because i was light skin called white and chased home from school. I had red hair and the kids would pull om my hair. I am not attracted to white men. And had no desire to date one. I have dated black men from different countries. Most of my relationships ended. I have not lived wonderful grand life because i am light. Its difficult for all black people in the world. Some of the most beautiful women and men are from tribes in africa, absolutely gorgeous🖤


  2. I struggle to understand how skin tone can be such a defining thing in attraction – it’s racist. True connection and intimacy comes from how you mesh as personalities – surely?

    I don’t think appearances alone ever lead to anything meaningful. This is such a sad thing – a lot of people seem very proud to be so shallow and I wonder if they are truly happy on the inside.


    1. Do you have a favorite color ? Mine is blue but could be yellow or pink. People like what they like and who are you are me to tell them what they should prefer. Just b


      1. Perhaps you misunderstood the point I made last year August 2018!!

        I think most mature people would agree that meaningful relationships where people form a strong bond/friendship are built on more than appearances – not a skin tone, hair colour or any other physical feature.

        Factors like personality have a massive role to play, along with values, interests, perspectives on life, levels of maturity, to name but a few.

        Furthermore – I did not suggest you should ‘prefer’ anything. I made a point about what forms a relationship between two people.

        Also, it is sad that you react with hostility to a reader leaving a perfectly valid comment – that’s the whole point of allowing readers to comment on your blog – sometimes you learn from the different perspectives of others, and it is also a test of mutual respect – it doesn’t have to be a battle, I don’t understand your defensiveness – nobody attacked you. If you want to foster healthy expression of views – let people express their views, otherwise close off comments to your blog posts.

        Wishing you happy, healthy relationships and all the best with your blog!


  3. I love all women but I absolutely love black women, but Victoria is an astonishingly beautiful goddess. I’m a Carmel complected man (as I’ve been told)who is formerly light light skinned man. But even when i was younger I always wanted a thick dark chocolate skinned woman, I’m sharing her picture with some friends of mine I know they will appreciate such radiant breath taking beauty. I wish I was younger after seeing her, she’d have to dump me for me to be without her.


  4. I admire , cherish and love black skin color a lot. I can’t just take my eyes off them when i see . It is self hatred and inferiority complex in it’s degree that makes the black skinned men to reject and race against their own and later blame the whites for doing so. we are proud to be black skinned. In fact, am proud to be one
    I love very dark skinned guys a lot , so I went ahead to marry one. I love admire his skin so much;but it’s rather unfortunate that he tends to admire fair skinned women. But i hope and pray that he would one day appreciate that beauty of what he has.
    If you are a black out there , be proud of yourself, believe in your self and be confident knowing and having this in mind that you are fearfully and wonderfully made not in the image of what people want to see or want you to be but in the very IMAGE OF GOD ALMIGHTY . STAND OUT and be different,love and appreciate who you are. You are very BEAUTIFUL being dark or black skinned.


  5. It is not really the case after all. Men will go with anything if let alone. And black men are usually attracted to big butts, and pretty smile. If you have those things, no matter how dark you are, they will be interested in you. Now light skin women tend to love dark skin guys I think. I have been approached by my 2 ex girlfriends. I never made the first move! Somehow, people will think I chose them ! Usually women are the ones chosing a man not the reverse!


  6. Wow, just wow! I knew women of color got fed this crap, but I didn’t know it was this bad. I just don’t get how anyone couldn’t see the beauty in a beautiful person with dark skin. Never have understood that, never will. Beauty is beauty. I’d totally choose your daughter’s face as ‘subject matter’ for my art (I’m a portrait artist). She has raw natural beauty, that’s the best kind.


  7. We are all living in a primitive world where people think that their opinions are righteous😂
    Personally I’m a real black-melanin and to be honest and precise one time I had gone for my usual hobby(swimming) at a swimming pool next to my home.I came back home downhearted just because I heard one of the guys telling his collegue that I’m too dark to fit his dates.
    This comment actually made me feel like I’m unworthy..
    But until I remembered how my own biological dad would appreciate my beauty and feminity prowess.
    He would remind me that I’m a teenage living under pressures from the outside world.
    I came to realize that not everyone is mature .. since maturity is not about age’s about pulchritude of the mind.
    Currently as an eighteen … I walk proudly because I know no one can change my skin tone…
    I’m proud of who I am and this is Kenya ….. No one is a white originally… We are all dark just that it’s by intensities of eumelanin
    Complexion has nothing to do with my personalities…..


  8. I’m sad my heart breaks ,my ancestors cry from beneath the ocean of time. How much have forgotten. We are one my nubian queen, you are on my right side where God has placed you forever. And never doubt this.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.