Dear Jean, My Life Is Proof That Most Black Men Prefer Light Skin.

Yesterday I received a very touching comment on one of my articles from a beautiful melanin goddess called Victoria. And this is what she said…

My life is proof that most black men prefer fair skinned. Me and my sister got same mother and father (biological) and I am brown skin with beautiful copper red skin flawless in the sunshine. I am told this by many black women. I have deep honey brown eyes. I take good care of my skin.

My sister is yellow skin with green grey eyes, yet even growing up guys would ask me out and try to sneak around with my sister and make comments like “I can see myself marrying your sister she is gorgeous” I was always “pretty”. Yet not to brag but I am very attractive. I know this cause men from other countries, foreigners, even chinese people tell me I am beautiful. My sister also regularly brags about how her fair features, but brags only to me. Fair skinned women are fully aware that many black men prefer them.

I can remember my family putting pictures of my sister out on display and not me. I got countless rejection from black men, each reminding me to my face that they prefer fair skin women. My x once said “white women can get men with money. Brown skin women have stinky vaginas…etc” We got in a big fight. He later apologised but I was done with him by then. I remember when I went out with my fair skinned friends, I was always last to get a guy to talk to them at a party or ask me out. I am well built and they would only comment on my sexy figure. I sat next two 3 guys who always talked about how fair skinned and white women were sexy. I realise a lot of black men prefer white women or fair skinned cause they busy looking at them as angels, pure looking, a direct contrast of them, this is realise is them self hating.

When I was growing up I only got light skinned guys or white guys interested. My x actually went and emailed a bunch of fair skinned women behind my back, asking them out.

I ended up meeting my husband who is an Irish white man. I knew him since I was ten but met him again while I was 18. I decided to get with him cause he is carrying loving man. My reason for marrying outside my race was for love. I am very much into being black and is a natural black woman. He supports me.

My problem with black men dating fair skinned and white women is they feel the need to tell brown skin women they prefer that. I personally feel when you set a preference of what shade of skin you will date, you are discriminating and insane. Shade of skin has nothing to do with someones attraction. I dated a Chinese guy that I found very attractive. I also dated a a very dark skin guy that I found very attractive. I dated a brown skin guy that was so attractive, I could barely keep my hands off him. He later showed he preferred white fair skinned girls. If you feel unattracted to someone with a complexion close to yours or darker than you, then it clearly shows you some self hating issues.

It’s women like Victoria who make me proud to be the writer that I am.

She reminded me of my own journey with my first daughter. When she was a baby, during her first year, as she grew, her melanin grew with her. When she was about 6 months old, my brother visited me and the first thing he said as he saw her was, ‘What has happened to her, how can she be black like this? Why is she dark?’ He asked me.

He looked at me, waiting for me to answer. It was not a rhetorical question. He was actually asking me why my baby was ‘too dark’. And I was supposed to come up with an answer to explain myself why I birthed a dark skinned child.
I was not yet a melanin advocate then, I was timid, young and weak. I couldn’t defend myself let alone my baby against hateful insults from her own blood.
All I could say was ‘Its because shes dark, that’s how she was born’. I swallowed a ball of pain in my throat, and just cuddled my dark skinned baby, holding back the tears.
‘No. This is too much’, he said something to this effect. ‘She’s too dark, its not nice.’
I was extremely hurt and tormented by his comments about my baby for years.
If her own uncle could look at her and feel disgusted by her dark skin, how was the world going to treat her, I wondered.

And somehow, my fears came to pass, I took her to Zimbabwe on holiday, and one relative asked me why I had such a dark daughter.

After the trip to Zimbabwe, I realised that God had blessed me specifically with a melanin rich daughter for a reason. As I matured in age and understanding, I learnt to protect my daughter from self hating black people. I learnt to teach her how exceptionally beautiful she was.

No one will ever speak ill of her skin. No one can bring her down. She knows she’s very pretty, and her name even describes her beauty. She’s always on the mirror, magnifying her beauty.

She has never once expressed any hatred for her beautiful skin. Shes mentions her dark skin with pride and confidence. She will say things like, ‘I need to buy this shade because it goes with my dark skin. I like this because it will suit my skin’.


One of her friends from school, at only 12, bleached their skin, my daughter was like ‘why would anyone want to change their skin?’

No self hating black slave will ever look at her and pass a derogatory comment about her melanin, she will probably laugh in your face.


Reading the comment from Victoria reminded me of my daughter.

The only comments I get about her is how strikingly beautiful she is, because she actually is.
This year Black British Entertainment is launching our first Fashion Show, and she asked to be one of the models, because she wants to show off her natural hair.
I always say to my children, only the pure in heart are able to see the perfect beauty of melanin. That’s why hatred is not able to comprehend it. Ugliness can’t stand it.

4 thoughts on “Dear Jean, My Life Is Proof That Most Black Men Prefer Light Skin.

  1. I need you blackwemen alot without you I will vomit I feel sick without you I need your protection alot especially now.


  2. I struggle to understand how skin tone can be such a defining thing in attraction – it’s racist. True connection and intimacy comes from how you mesh as personalities – surely?

    I don’t think appearances alone ever lead to anything meaningful. This is such a sad thing – a lot of people seem very proud to be so shallow and I wonder if they are truly happy on the inside.


  3. I love all women but I absolutely love black women, but Victoria is an astonishingly beautiful goddess. I’m a Carmel complected man (as I’ve been told)who is formerly light light skinned man. But even when i was younger I always wanted a thick dark chocolate skinned woman, I’m sharing her picture with some friends of mine I know they will appreciate such radiant breath taking beauty. I wish I was younger after seeing her, she’d have to dump me for me to be without her.


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