Why I Am Sad That Lockdown Is Coming To An End

Lock-down or self isolation caused a lot of people to commit suicide, the latest being playboy multi-millionaire Steve Being who killed himself yesterday after becoming depressed because of self-isolation. The global lock-down was a massive sudden change to our lifestyles, a lot of people out there love partying, socializing and being around people, so I can understand why some people chose death because they just couldn’t cope. However for me, its been the exact opposite, as lock-down restrictions are now being eased, I feel sad actually that we coming to the end of self quarantining. I don’t want life to go back to normal, I enjoyed the world were everyone stayed in their own houses.

For me lock-down meant peace, tranquility, space and family time.

My 16 year old daughter said the same thing, that she enjoyed lock-down so much she doesn’t want it to end. My boys on the other hand can’t wait for life to go back to normal, they love being out there socializing and playing football and basketball. My 5 year old daughter Fadzi asked me if God was evil, because He had caused corona-virus and caused her not to go the playground or do fun stuff. So I totally understand why some people could not cope. But a lot of people don’t understand that there are people out there who actually thrive and prefer that self isolation environment.

My daughter enjoyed lockdown and doesn’t want it to end

I love not being around a lot of people. I don’t even want to talk to anyone on the phone never mind in person. I prefer all my conversations via text messages or whats-app chat. The only person I enjoy talking to on the phone is my husband, when my phone rings and its him, I am okay with it. Everyone else, speaking on them on the phone is a chore for me, an exhausting one at that.

I hate it when people start talking to me, especially in public places like parks or even the gym. I hate it when I take my children to the playground and people come up to me and start a conversation. I acknowledge how kind and lovely their gesture is, but I don’t enjoy talking to strangers, I hate awkward conversations. I prefer the playground or park when its empty.

Same goes with the gym, I don’t like it when people start chatting me up at the gym. I am just there to workout and go home, I don’t want to talk to anyone.

This one time I was in the gym, lifting my weights and doing my own thing then this guy comes to me and starts telling me how I was doing it wrong. He was friendly alright, he didn’t mean any harm. And yes, what he showed me was something I appreciated, I was killing myself for nothing. His method was so much easier. I don’t have a problem with a person helping me out and the odd conversation here and there, but please just leave it there.

The guy now wanted to chat, joke around with me and all. He would say things and laugh and I wouldn’t even get his humor, so that made it worse. The next day he saw me again in the gym and came up-to me, and I was like “Oh gosh, I am so not in the mood of laughing and joking with you, I just want to work out.” I also find it very difficult to be rude to people, I can’t. And sadly some people can’t take a hint that you don’t wanna talk. This is were social distancing would have come in handy. The only way out for me with this guy was actually to change my gym timetable. That’s how bad it was.

When I go to a party or event, which I hardly do, I am not there to talk I am just there to watch and have a good time. Here and there I will enjoy a good conversation with a stranger, but it has to be a conversation about things I find interesting, I cant be dealing with random conversations about things I have no interest in.

Here and there I will enjoy a good conversation with a stranger, but it has to be a conversation about things I find interesting

In my first marriage, my ex-husband had an addiction of visiting people’s homes and going to Zimbabwean gatherings. I always felt so out of place at those places, because the conversations of the Zimbabwean women were just strange to me. Their conversations were mostly about weaves and Brazilian bundles, I could never bring myself to engage in such conversations. But if the women were talking about natural hair or growing food and flowers, or home improvements I would definitely join such conversations or at least listen.

My ex-husband would accuse me of being anti-social. The Zimbabwean community I lived in accused me of not being friendly and not talking to people. When I joined the Zimbabwean Agape Cult, a man who was seen as a pillar of the Zimbabwean community in the area had to stand up and give a testimony that “We thank God that since Jean joined the church she now welcomes people in her home and now interacts with the community.”

The worst part for me was having Zimbabweans and relatives turn up on my doorstep unannounced, this happened a lot. I will never understand this type of behavior where people just decide to visit you and not tell you about it. My ex-husband never saw anything wrong with that and he would say I am acting “white” and I will always be a Zimbabwean this is what we do back home. He also used to like visiting people without telling them, and I used to cringe in embarrassment turning up on people’s doorsteps unannounced.

One time he forced us to visit this white couple from church, and he said it was the “right thing to do”. He was like this is how we do things as Zimbabweans, we are social and visit people. Well, the white woman didn’t see it that way, she wouldn’t even let us in her house, she just greeted us at her driveway and said “thank you for diving by,” and went back in her house. Oh how happy I was that day, I felt so vindicated and the look of shame on that Zimbabwean man’s face, I wished I had the white woman’s courage and honesty in dealing with surprise uninvited guests.

I cannot stand anyone turning up on my doorstep uninvited

So for me this was the glory and beauty of lockdown, not having anyone knock on my door telling me that they had come to visit me.

My Boaz understands and loves that I am an introvert

After the demise of my doomed first marriage, God worked in mysterious ways and He gave me a Boaz who just loves me for the introvert that I am. He allows me to be me. He knows that I am a transparent writer but a very private person in real life. I always tell him that he needs to buy me a country house/cottage with fields where I can have a pond for ducks, animals, a gym and a pool, then I will be in isolation and lock-down forever.

My ideal living dream is a world away from the busy crowded life which most people enjoy and thrive in.
I enjoyed every moment of self-isolation

But till then, I am a little sad to see things get back to normal, isolation was a bliss of glory, I enjoyed the gardening, decorating and renovating the house with my children.

The Genesis Of The Revelation By

Mary-Tamar was Jean Gasho

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