Dear Chipo Kambanje
I kept quiet about you for 7 years Chipo. You came to my house when I was going through a divorce, because a married man I had trusted Fredrick Moyo from Milton Keynes paid you money to come and have sex with me, and record it for him for his entertainment and pleasure. He told you that she’s vulnerable, now is the time to strike. This is a man I trusted, who came to my inbox with prayers, promising to help me even work things out with my estranged husband, yet all that time he was planning of having my sex tape, which he had orchestrated.
I never had any intention of even mentioning you in public as I raised my daughter you fathered without her ever knowing you exist. I took a lot of abuse and heat from Zimbabwean women who called me a whore for having children by different fathers, yet not one day did I ever mention you, because to Fadzai you never existed. The moment I conceived my fourth child, you hated me. You hated me so much for carrying a child I never planned or asked for. You forcefully put her in me, as I begged you to stop, and I know in your heart you know how and what manner you chose to father her. I knew from the moment you finished, that I had conceived, I felt it. It was a time in my life I was at my lowest, having a child was the last thing I needed. But I knew in my heart that you had forcefully put a child in me. Like Tamar in the bible, who was brutally raped and despised by her rapist, you started to HATE me, the moment you knew I had conceived even though when you first saw me you claimed I was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen.
But I accepted that which I could not change, I accepted the seed you forced in my womb Chipo, and I carried her in me with tears and fear. I needed you to tell me that it will be okay, I will hold your hand Jean through it all. But you scolded me for being pregnant, even though it was your fault that I conceived. You told me to remove “that thing”.
You kept telling me to go to the abortion clinic, but I would say no.
You told me your older daughter is not ready for a sibling, so you want the pregnancy terminated.
At over 5 months pregnant, you gave me money to have the child specially terminated, where they would literally have to dilate my cervix and ruthlessly murder her inside me. I said I could never. You had no mercy Chipo, even on a baby who was that far gone, a baby with a soul, a baby who could feel pain, you still wanted her gone, in the most ruthless way. Your reason was that you loved your older daughter, and she did not deserve “this”.
I remember vividly going to the abortion clinic, where I was almost 6 months gone. The doctor did a scan, and behold the baby was big, and dancing in my womb.
“Do you want to look?” He asked me.
I nodded, and I saw her in all her glory, she showed me how much she wanted to live, how much she was happy that she was. In her own way she told me she was a fighter.
“Keep me Mummy, we will do this together.” I could feel her soul speaking to me, as I watched her do summer salts for me on the scan. I knew at that moment that I was keeping my baby. The doctor tried so hard to convince me, as he saw how much I fell in love with my unborn child right in front of him.
I came home, and apologised to my baby. I cried and stroked my tummy, and told her how much I loved her.
“I shall call you Fadzai, for you shall be my JOY. Uchandi Fadza mwanangu.” I told her.
It was a time in my life where I was going through a painful divorce, where my ex-husband was fighting me hard to have the children placed into foster care and removed from my care. It was a time where I had a court case with convicted pedophile Walter Masocha who was being supported by my ex-husband. It was a time in my life where my children had been completely abandoned by their biological father. It was a time when my mother had turned her back on me, even after I brought her to the UK to support me. It was a time when my brother Lloyd Gasho had turned on me, even though I also brought him to the UK. I was completely alone, and all I had was my children. But even my children, they were threatening to take. I found myself with no reason to live.
But Fadzai growing in my womb gave me hope. Somehow I felt a glimmer of hope. I called the GP Surgery and registered my pregnancy.
You were so angry Chipo, you chose to not even speak to me. I begged you to come to the scan. You refused.
I took Nakai with me to my first scan. Oh how Happy was Nakai.
I was told it was indeed a healthy baby girl growing inside me. Nakai almost cried with joy, because for years, she prayed for a little sister. We drove straight to Mothercare after the scan, and bought pink baby clothes.
I came home and told you, I told you it was a girl. I tried so hard to be happy, I told you with so much fear, praying you would accept the baby. But you refused to even look at me, or show emotion. I left your presence and went in the toilet and cried, that a child growing in my womb was so hated and unwanted by her own father.
Two days later after the scan, you ripped into me, and told me that I had disobeyed your wishes, and chose to continue with a pregnancy you did not want.
I started crying, and told you I wanted the baby. Then you walked out on me, and left me crouching on the kitchen floor.
I stood up, and told myself I will never take you back. I told myself that I will be a single mother, and I picked myself up, and chose FADZAI over you. You came back a week later, and I told you I never wanted anything to do with you, and your abuse to me started.
I carried Fadzai alone.
I went into labour alone, and had the most horrendous birth expierience, where I was told to go back home when I was minutes from pushing the baby. I begged the midwives to let me stay, I told them I was alone at home, and if I went back would deliver the baby on my own. I was frowned at and told I was not in labour, kicked out of labour ward and made to carry my own bag during 5 minute contractions, where I crouched on the floor as I walked to the Ante Natal ward. I was left alone in a room, where I started to push the baby alone on the floor, scared to press the buzzer for help.
I cried to God, as I gave birth to Fadzai alone in Milton Keynes Hospital. I pressed the buzzer, and one midwife came and saw me on the floor, I begged her for pain relief, but she said all she could give me was paracetamol because I was not in labour. She left.
I stood up from the floor in excruciating pain, I could feel the baby coming out.
I prayed to the God if Israel again. Help me Lord, I said. Am I going to give birth on this floor, alone, in a British Hospital. A country that says has the best healthcare system in the world. In much pain and fear I pressed the buzzer again.
God sent an angel.
A polish midwife somehow saved me. She saw me on the floor, groaning in agony.
“Oh my God, she’s pushing the baby.” She said, calling for help. She had mercy on me and examined me, and behold the head was coming out.
“Don’t push.” She told me. “I need to get you to labour ward.” This was about 30 minutes after I had been kicked out of labour ward for being a nuisance and pretending to be in labour. On a stroller I was rushed to labour ward, to the very room they had kicked me out of minutes before. And within minutes, I was holding a bouncing baby girl in my arms.
“Hello Fadzai, my joy. We did it my baby. Together we did it.” I couldn’t stop kissing her.
Minutes after she was born, I texted my Daddy, the only family member I was speaking with.
Oh Daddy was so happy. He was happy that I named her Fadzai, because Fadzai is the name he gave me.
Daddy loved Fadzai, and claimed she was my favourite child. I would say to Daddy, It’s not that Fa, (as I sometimes call her) is my favorite child, but Fa is the only child I have who was born fatherless. She is the only child I have who never had a father cut her umbilical cord. She is the only child I had who was truly hated by the man who fathered her so much he fought her mother ruthlessly to have her killed.
Oh my Fa is special alright…she is the ONE
Yes Fadzai is extra special. She is the child who makes me a laughing stock to Zimbabweans that I am a whore with children by different fathers. For Fadzai I have taken on the stigma of choosing to keep a child I never planed to have. A child who was forced in me. She is my GIFT.
Even though you hated Fadzai, Chipo, God loved her so, and brought her a Father. At only three weeks old, Nino came into my life. He changed her nappies. He fed her. He played with her. He put her to bed. He potty trained her. Took her to nursery. He taught her how to ride a bike. He did school runs. He bathed her.
She doesn’t know you Chipo, you chose your other daughter over her. And another man chose her even though he has other children. You have to live with that, and I as her mother will tell her her full story, that you Chipo wanted her dead so much you paid money to have her killed as far as 6 months. Her life is with her siblings, the children of her MOTHER.
She doesn’t even know that you are supposed to be her father. Her name is Fadzai Offeh.
I don’t care that 7 years later, Katie Grammer a white social worker, a racist cruel white woman contacts you so you start to have custody of Fadzai without any care that the child doesn’t know you and you have never at any time had her best interests at heart. I don’t care that today you think you can now claim Fadzai and be part of her life when you were a powerful force in her life that wanted her killed.
Katie Grammar hates my children. She does not have Fadzai’s best interest at heart. She keeps Fadzai with a racist white foster carer who constantly punishes her and denies her food. Fadzai constantly breaks down each time she sees her true sister Nakai, asking to come back home to her Mummy, who cooks her the best porridge.
I swear on my Father’s life Chipo, that you do not deserve Fadzai, it’s one thing to wish for an abortion, that could have been forgiven, but you went out of your way to get her killed, to the point of hating me for keeping her. When the months were gone, you were supposed to accept that a baby you forcefully fathered was to be born. But to me, you verbally chose your other child, and used that as a reason for your drive to kill Fadzai. Even after your hatred of the pregnancy, I told you we could work things out, I pleaded with you to accept the child you fathered. But you still wanted her killed. How do you live with that?
Let me tell you something about Fadzai, Chipo, she is an extremely gifted black child. At reception, the teachers said her IQ was that of an 11 or 12 year old. She has the gift of reading between the lines. She is such a chatter box, and talks for England. Her wish is actually to be famous, she wants to be a You Tube Star. She is passionate about black people and change, she can spot racism no matter how hidden it is. When she was only a baby, the Founder of Miss UK Commonwealth Beauty Pageant prophecied that Fadzai Offeh will become the first BLACK Prime Minister of the UK. And yes she is very political.
Below Fadzai even expressed her frustrations of noticing how even in TV Programmes, Black people are always portrayed badly and killed off. So do not think she won’t be able to see how racist the Social Care System in the United kingdom is.
What Fadzai is going through today, in the hands of the racist brutal oppressive discriminatory outdated Social Care system will not pass Fadzai’s 6th sense and intelligence. She was born to expose this country for how ruthless it is to Black children, and how they are taken into care without any consideration whatsoever of their well being whilst being placed with white foster carers who know nothing about black people. A money making Industry in the UK where black children are the cash cows. Trust me Chipo, this white supreme system is not releasing Fadzai to me because they know that once she’s in the arms of her mother she will start talking….she knows in her heart that if she was a British white little girl, nothing happening to her today would have happened…
Fadzai will know her STORY Chipo, every fine detail, of how you are the enemy of her soul, and tried so hard to kill her when she couldn’t defend herself…and that it was Katie a white social worker who hates her, tried so hard to bring you back in her life where you never were in the first place…
Mary-Tamar was Jean Gasho