Outnumbered, What It Feels Like To Be A Plural Wife…

Its weird that all day today I was listening to Dermot Kennedy’s Outnumbered. I love music which moves me, I love a good cry to a good song, that’s the purpose of music. The words came to life tonight. God always does that to me, He gives me songs which literally plays out one way or another. My life is a sequence of chaos, beauty and art. Tonight is one of those nights where I am in bed alone,  Boaz wanted to be with Shulamite. He didn’t say it, but I could feel it, I know my husband, his thoughts, his instincts. Since Shulamite joined our household, he stays in my bedchamber every night, then sometimes he visits her. Some nights she never gets to see him, because he always put me and the children first.  He made a promise to me, that he will always honor me first. But today, there was something going on between Boaz and Shulamite, so I said to him its okay, its her night, she is his second wife.  I didn’t want to write about it, but for my own edification, I had to. So yes, right now I feel outnumbered…

This is how it feels like to be a plural wife

I stand there and look at myself in the mirror

I feel so afraid, it feels like death

It sounds beautiful and peaceful, away from this cruel world

But it is so scary, so I don’t want to go, but I want to

I feel so confused

 

Then I see my husband in the mirror behind me

His eyes are so intense

Then he whisperers to me

“Don’t tell me this is all for nothing 

I can only tell you one thing 

I see everything you can be 

I see the beauty that you can’t see 

On the nights you feel outnumbered 

Baby, I’ll be out there somewhere

Come out here and meet her, baby don’t be so afraid” 

I walk out to meet her but I am so nervous

She is sitting there, her eyes swollen and red

She is afraid of me, what I will say to her

I am afraid of her, is she better than me?

 

But I look into her eyes

She needs him as much as I do

I wipe her tear drop, she holds my cold hand

“We are crazy, lets jump in” I whisper to her

We jump, but the water is ice cold , freezing

But it stops freezing and it turns warm

Then we both hear a song, it takes us back to innocence

It’s a feeling no one has ever taught us

It’s a feeling the world doesn’t know

We swim to the shore

“Why were we so afraid Jean, this is beautiful, the other side,” She says

“Paradise…” I say to myself

Then my husband comes and sits between us

“And there will be days when its difficult

But I love how your souls are mixed with chaos and art 

Love is not designed for the cynical 

To all the stars that light the road

Don’t ever leave that girl so cold” 

Then I smile, because I now see the beauty I could never see

And he says to me…

” Just remember baby, on the nights you feel outnumbered 

 I’ll be out there somewhere”

 

 

Art by @prosperousprince Instagram