Recently I was having a conversation with a friend who has a teenage boy, and she told me that her son told her that he doesn’t date black girls. It was quite sad because the way she said it was as though it was something to be proud of, that her son is not attracted to black women. It was as though her son dating a white girl would be some sort of achievement.
This conversation really got me thinking.
The mainstream media and society (consciously and subconsciously) teaches our young black boys that beauty in a woman means light skin and straight hair. From a very early age, black boys are fed with only one standard of beauty, from music, television, books to magazines. The environment they are raised projects European beauty as the normal standard of what a woman should look like.
So no wonder as they grow, when asked what their ideal woman would be, the answer from most black boys is…
‘I don’t like black girls, no dark skin for me. It has to be light skin or white. That’s my kind of woman’.
Most black boys feel some sort of pride over black girls, as they boldly declare that they will not date black girls. In my opinion, it is actually rare to find a black boy who will say that they are attracted to dark skinned girls. To them it doesn’t sound cool or fashionable. No wonder we have women like Maya Jama who will openly shun dark skin girls. They are the ones who get all the attention from black boys at school.
Its very sad that this is the state of our race today. The black boys are conditioned to despise black women even though they were born out of black women, they find it truly despicable to date a girl who looks like their mothers and sisters.
My daughter recently turned 14 years old. Ever since she was young, I have always been advising her on the importance of embracing her natural hair. She has told me that in her school there has been incidents of black girls being laughed at by black boys for having natural hairstyles.
Its very sad but that’s the reality. Our girls are made to feel less beautiful not by white boys, but by fellow black boys.
When I asked my daughter what kind of boys she would like to date in future, whom she sees herself with, she said ‘Black boys are more good looking and strong, compared to white boys. But white boys are less mean and they treat girls better.’ How tragic is that.
She would rather be with a black boy, but she finds that white boys are kinder to black girls. I really can’t blame her, when black boys are the ones who normally ‘violates’ black girls as she calls it.
She told me of an incident of one of her friends who came to school in an ethnic plaited hairstyle and the black boys ‘violated’ her so bad she had to go to the toilet and cry.
Our girls should not be ‘brave’ or ‘courageous’ to wear natural hairstyles at school. Its their crown, and it should be the norm. If anything the weaves should be shunned and discouraged, whilst natural hair is adored and encouraged.
I think it’s our duties as parents to educate our sons, especially little boys and teenagers, on how to treat black women and appreciate their beauty. I think for mothers to be proud that ‘our sons don’t date black girls’ is quite shameful.
I am raising my boys to be future protectors of black queens.
This video below of Black British youths broke my heart, I would hate to bring up such self hating pitiful boys like this into this world.
I am constantly educating my two boys on the true beauty of black women. I teach them on natural hair and our history, and that the most shameful thing they can do is to mock a black girl because of her skin tone or her natural hair.
I told them that as their mother, I appreciate that love has no boundaries, and they are free to fall in love with whomever they wish. But as an advocate for black women, it would be wrong for me not to teach them that as black men, the most natural thing for them to do is appreciate the beauty of black women before they look elsewhere.
It would grieve my heart, if they go for white girls just because they despise black girls as we see in most boys their age. It would grieve my heart if they go for white girls so that they would be more accepted in society as we see most black men do. It would grieve my heart if they feel they do not want to marry a black girl for the fear of having dark skin babies as we again see among a lot of black men.
Of course they are still too young to date, but they are old enough to understand what beauty is so its important to teach them what true beauty is. What I am at least happy about is that my boys are growing to love and appreciate black beauty.
I am also encouraged that my daughter has been making a difference in school with her natural hair. Her friends with relaxed hair are now considering having their hair natural because they seen how her natural hair is healthy and beautiful. She said to me, ‘Mum, relaxed hair is so yesterday, its not cool anymore. Natural hair is popular now.’
I also live to see the day my boys will say, ‘Mum, black girls are the most beautiful of them all, dating white girls as a fashion statement is sooo yesterday.’
So yes I am teaching my boys not to shun black girls, but that it’s their duty to see beauty in black.