Why I Blame The Black Man For Black People’s Self-Hate

When I was young, growing up in Africa in a country where lighter skinned women are the epitome of beauty,  I once asked a woman whom I looked up to why women with light skin were considered more beautiful than women with dark skin. Her answer was straightforward, “Because men like women with lighter skin, if you are dark, men won’t find you attractive”. I remember looking at this woman confused because that is when I learned that it was the black man who determined what was considered the beauty of a black woman. I grew up to witness this harsh reality, I saw dark-skinned women being called all sorts of hurtful names not by white men, but by black African men. I saw light skinned women being sought after and exalted as the most beautiful.

But the reality is more black women have darker skin tones. The lighter black women are in the minority, meaning in the eyes of most black men, black women are not beautiful.

So I believe when it comes to black people hating their own skin, it’s now time to shift the blame game and leave white people out of this twisted sickness of the mind. If black people have woken up to how white people mistreated them, why can’t they wake up to the fact that their very dark skin is beautiful too? If slavery was abolished, why can they not abolish hating their own brothers and sisters for having darker skin? I find black people to be the most self-hating and self-destructive people on this planet.

If I call my own child ugly, then she goes to school and gets bullied for the way she looks, why would I dare complain about my child being bullied? Is that not being a hypocrite? The name calling that comes from me as the mother is obviously more hurting and damaging to my child than the name calling she gets at school from strangers.

Why is it that it’s mostly black people who torment other black people for having more pigment in their skin? Why is it that in the black community people with lighter skin have more privileges than those with darker skin? Light skinned black women have grown to feel more beautiful and superior to darker skinned black women, causing them to mock women with darker skin.

Dark skinned black women bleach their skin because they are made to feel ugly not by the white man but by their own people.

Last week dark skinned model Porsche Thomas posted her pregnancy belly on social media and she was slated by mostly black people for having very dark skin. Black people simply found her rich melanin skin disgusting and not worth displaying on social media. Porsche Thomas was bold enough to address her black critics who had savaged her on social media for being too black.

“While some of y’all been in my comments criticising the blackness that is my belly, I (have) been over here enjoying life, growing tiny humans, performing miracles and hopefully getting even blacker,” she wrote.
Porsche Thomas was criticised by black people for being too dark

“I don’t think there’s a lot of self-love in the black community. We’re so quick to say, ‘black lives matter’ but we’re so quick to turn on each other. I just don’t think there’s a lot of support in the black community. I think the reaction to my photo is evident of that. Most of the negative comments I received were from black people, a lot of dark-skinned black people, a lot of young black people, which is crazy to me,” Porsche Thomas said.

It wasn’t white people who found her dark skin disgusting, it was black people who hated the way God created her, which she has no control over. In my own experience, I have found white people to admire very dark skinned black people, often complementing dark skin as being strikingly beautiful. I can’t speak for all white people, but the few I have known in my life do find very dark skin beautiful.

When I watch black movies, I hardly see very dark-skinned women being portrayed as beautiful.

I can not help but blame black men for shunning dark skinned women, causing them to resort to bleaching their skin to feel accepted in the black community. Last week on a Facebook page of a Zimbabwean male socialite Mike Tashaya, a Ghanaian woman with dark skin was called disgusting and told that in Zimbabwe men do not go near “a thing” that had such black skin. After such hatred from Africans to an African woman with dark skin, can women who bleach their skin be blamed, when they are made to feel disgusting and insulted by their own fellow men, who are supposed to find them attractive. Not all women are strong enough to withstand such hate and stay true to who they are.

Former model Irene Major bleached her skin so she could feel prettier. “Being lighter shows you belong to a different place on the social ladder. All the rich, successful black African men marry either a white or a very light-skinned girls because they too grew up thinking lighter is the more pretty. It doesn’t matter how dark a man is, of course — the pressure is all on women,” Irene Major said.
Irene Major bleached because she feels successful black men prefer white women or very light skinned black women
American rapper Little Kim reports to have been insulted by her own father for being too dark, and that men often left her for lighter skinned women. She explained how her looks always haunted her as a child, and her own way of dealing with her insecurities was bleaching her skin so she would not look “black” anymore.  Who can blame her when her own father who was supposed to make her feel like a princess found her dark skin ugly?
Little Kim does not want to look black anymore

When black people see a very dark black person, their first reaction is normally to mock, laugh, scoff, followed by utter disgust. I often see this behaviour online and in my Zimbabwean and UK black community and wonder why I always seem to be the only person disturbed by the amount of black self-hate.

Not all dark skinned black women are as bold and brave as Khoudia Diop who has stood firm against the cruel name calling and colourism and was able to become a successful dark skinned model full of self-love, grace and acceptance.
Not all dark skinned women like model Khoudia Diop are able to stand the hate from black people

So when I see black people complain and mourn that they are treated differently by white people because of the colour of their skin, I can’t help but shudder at the hypocrisy. Charity begins at home, maybe for the world to stop “looking down” on the colour of our skin as we claim, we have to start the movement ourselves by loving our own dark skin.

I dream of that day where black people will stop blaming white people for their own self-hatred and begin to ask themselves why they hate their own skin.

I dream of that day when black men will stop hating and mocking women with dark skin. I dream of that day where black people will stop tormenting each other because of the amount of melanin in our skin.

I can no longer blame colonisation and slavery for black people’s self-hate. I refuse to believe that lie. The self-hate surely is something that comes from the black man himself, something within his own soul that causes him to loathe the beauty and richness of his own skin.

29 thoughts on “Why I Blame The Black Man For Black People’s Self-Hate

  1. U have just fallen short of throwing the blame on ur own door. ‘It’s not the white men’s fault but the black men, not the black men’s, but the black women’s, not the black women’s, but upto an individual(right on ur doorstep),’ for Black women’s sense of self-hate.

    Of the pictures u posted, I find the bleached version of the same individuals actually uglier than the natural skin version. A people is a reflection of her women. Man is just a voice, but the material is a moman. Feed it in ur male child, he will produce exactly that when he grows up. What u now hate in the black man, is another woman’s product. Train the women to train the women to train the men to do good. Compare it with your other article titled, ‘Why Independent Black
    Women Will Always Be Single.’

    Men are generally shy. They produce only as much as they are fed by the woman except if they get drunk or agitated by territorial infringement.

    Look at the origin of the hatred between Muslims and Christians today. It was not Abraham who started it, but Sarah. Abraham loved his children, but the woman! Adam was comfortable in the garden, again, until the woman took a move : SHE DIDN’T SIN, we are enjoying the fruits(wisdom) now. I love my mother. U ar my mother. Love urself and I will speak the richness of ur heart to the world, and u will never be despised again.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Probably places like America and Europe black man prefer bleached or light skinned ladies.I personally adore my black African ladies.They are stimulants to me.they make me feel more distinctive when I am amongst them.It goes with the saying that ‘Black is beautiful ‘ Black girls be proud of yourselves. Man don’t matter.I am a man too.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Hello, Ms. Gasho.

      I’d like to comment on your article; but first, a little of my background so that you may understand exactly where I am coming from.

      Born and Raised: Los Angeles, CA
      High School: Inglewood High (1985)
      College: Los Angeles Film School (B.S. Film Production – Art/Production Design)
      Sex: Male
      Skin Color: “Fair”
      Marital Status: Divorced Single Parent of a 50% Haitian Teenage Daughter
      Occupation: Student; Retired U.S. Army (Infantry), ex-Law Enforcement (Atlanta, GA), ex-Firefighter/EMT (West Annapolis, MD), ex-Federal Government Armed Security (Fort Meade, MD).
      Relationships: I have never dated a “white”: woman – ever. However, I have dated every shade of woman from a “fair” skin woman (Beaver Falls, PA) who was often thought to be Puerto Rican to a woman (Grenada, MS) so dark that she made a shadow look light. I’ve, also, dated a very dark Eritrean, while stationed in Gelnhausen, Germany during my six years there and of course, my ex-wife is Haitian.
      My Preference: A Very Dark Voluptuous Woman. Nevertheless, a good person, trumps said preference.

      I, really, appreciate your call to arms (philosophically) in the name of a demographic’s systematically implanted self-hatred – I really do. You may take exception, but please do diligent research to discover that the African’s downward plight is, emphatically, by design – and not his. In fact, your article has inspired me to, seriously, consider undertaking an independent film or documentary involving its subject. These types of issues (homelessness, self-destruction, racism, hate, elitism, capitalism/materialism, etc.) are what motivated me to become a filmmaker, in the first place. Therefore, nothing can be more important than exposing mankind to himself – by chronicling how the “Black” Man is the most hated organism on the face of this small revolving rock that we call Earth. It’s called manipulative reciprocity through centuries of physical and psychological abuse – and like Ice Cube put it, that scar “runs deep, so deep” it put most of our asses to sleep.

      I mean, think about it – ever since the advent (early 1900’s) of the notion of a “bombshell” such as vaudeville’s Mae West, the “white” woman has been plastered across everything from common playing cards, to post cards, to newspapers, to posters, to magazines, to billboards, to the theatre stage, to the television, to the movie screen, to the internet – and that’s just in modern times. This ish has, probably, been going on since before the first, ever, African dismounted a transport ship. So while you are severely disappointed in us, don’t lose sight of how powerful this subliminal stimulus has affected our psyches, all the while being force-fed that “white is power” and that “we amount to shit” through the centuries.

      In my opinion, there is nothing more empowering, sexy, and inspiring than the geometry of a female – add shades of black and the feeling is magnified – add oil and euphoria begins to settle in.

      Like “white” folks who are, actually, not racists yet sit idle in the company of a few racist friends, people like you, your commenters, and me need to educate and bring awareness to those still in slumber – regarding the prowess of the “black” woman (all “black” women). ‘Best regards.

      C.S. Oliver, Production Designer at large


  2. This is stereotyping, cultures and mindsets vary from African country to country, so please avoid the generalisations you are making about Africans and black people as a whole.
    If you have to, do some research and post statistics.


  3. I so love you and I appreciate you for keeping it real. I don’t know how to send a message on here but please contact me if you can. I absolutely love your points of view and would like to communicate with you further. love, sister.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Again, the black man has also been victimized by social programming. It is not the black man who created self hate, it is the system of white supremacy that glorifies lighter skin (white skin). Even in China, a country that is not defined by black and white thinking, lighter skin (white skin) is viewed as more attractive. Please research the origins of self hate in black people. Trust me, black men are not responsible for that. The entire world has been conditioned under white supremacy to value lighter skin (whiter skin). White people are the dominant force on the planet today and they condition all of us (black men, black women, etc) to feel as though darker skin is less attractive. I believe this author knows that. And therefore she perfectly executes this propaganda to pull on emotional strings of darker women who feel like black men do not find them attractive. In reality, there are black men who like darker skinned black women. You cannot paint ALL BLACK MEN one way. This is ignorance at it’s finest.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Milton, it seems that you miss the point. Perhaps the origin of this disease of colorism started 400 years ago, but MOST Black men refuse the cure. If not but for the comments by Black men, I would never even think of my skin tone. Day after day, especially in the summer, Black men comment on my caramel colored skin, and they imagine that they are complimenting me but I am not my skin. Maybe Black men didn’t start it, but why can’t they let it go? I have watched both my light skinned and my dark skinned girlfriends tormented by inaccurate assessments of their character because of the skin they are in. Milton, I do not blame you personally and my fair skinned father married my chocolate colored mother so I am certain that not all Black men are insane, but you certainly have some friends that are color struck so please don’t pretend as if this accusation is unwarranted. The only thing worse than a Black man who won’t date a dark skinned woman, is a Black man who won’t hire a dark skinned woman, or one who treast Black women of all shades like a stereotype, inferior to non Black women. Milton, we have a problem in our community and we need to stop pretending that we don’t. We have too many Black men in our community who don’t even treat Black women like human beings, who expect servitude and obeisance, who are determined to make us feel less than so that they can feel like a man. Milton, why defend the men who do right by Black women? Defend instead the Black women who are mistreated by Black men and help us get past this issue.


    2. Sorry but it is not the darkness of the skin that many black men run away from but the darkness of the soul. Yes some black men prefer a woman with lighter skin that does not mean he hates dark skin women. But it is easier to just blame black men than to tell black women what we tell black men that have been treated the same, we tell black men to get over it so a woman does not like you because you are dark, that is her choice, you have to just keep it moving until you find a woman that does. Black men have to love the skin they have, we are not allowed to bleach our skin and hair, because we would look stupid doing so. Nobody is faster to call someone, darky, smoke or charcoal, than a black woman is to call any other black person that and if she is saying it to a black men she is even quicker to say it.


      1. please shut up and stop deflecting. how can someone souls be darker than the next? Black skin don’t mean black soul. You are insane. I know from life experience, many relationships,many black men prefer light skinned women. PERIOD. I have brown skin brothers and they two preferred light skin women.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. This is unbelievable you preach the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I am so happy that some people are being more and more woke. This racism because that is what it is. This stigma that some of these men have put on us for years is being revealed. You should read about the black panter movement and the views that some of these men had about blackwomen and skincolor a real eye-opener.
    The constant harassment and blunt racism that black women had and still have to endure from some men who have the same skincolor. The same men who teach people of other races, black women aren’t worthy and branded us ugly. But still want to blame it on slavery and on the white men. The body-shaming, The bullying and undermining of the self-esteem of young black women. The so called fake polls about who is the most attractive and who isn’t. The fake-ass racist rappers who know their going to please their fanbases with lyrics bashing black women.
    Yet brand the same women a so called sellout or bedwench, if she’s not with a black men. Then the bullying and guiltrip working on emotions sets in, because imagine that this women is happy without them.
    “You are being fethished” They are not attracted to you” how can you sleep with a slave master” type of bullshit.
    Those men who only feel in their comfortzone if a black women fits the stereotype of a single mother or another baby-momma.
    Racism isn’t color bound. Racism is a desease off the mind regardless off color and a lot off black men have it especially against black women. It’s deeply bound in black culture.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So black men are “racist” against black women? That makes absolutely no sense. Please read my initial comment below. This article is propaganda and has absolutely no truth to it. How can you blame black men for being victimized by white supremacy? It’s not the black man who glorifies lighter skin (white skin), it is racism that glories lighter skin. Black men have been mentally conditioned just like the rest of the world. So to say that black men are responsible for self hate is not only disingenuous, it is absurd and ignorant. Please do some research on where glorification of white skin originated. And self hate goes far beyond skin tone preference.


      1. Milton, why do you resist the idea that Black men could discriminate against Black women? Here is a Black women sharing her experience and you don’t believe her. How many testimonies will it take to convince you that Black men can exhibit racism toward Black women? Shame on the system that taught us to hate our Black skin, but shame on us for holding on to that belief and refusing to believe our own lying eyes. Why can’t you accept this woman at her word? What is there about her that makes you impugn her motives and rip her experience as absurd and ignorant?




  6. Thank you Jean for this post. I love your blog.

    I am dark-skinned and so is my little sister. One day (more than 15 yrs ago) my sis and I were walking home from the shops in Gweru (Zim) and we crossed paths with a bunch of guys who started catcalling us. To this day I still remember one of them yelling, “imi vasikana makashata zvekuti…you girls are very ugly”. Needless to say, I felt hurt by these words and so did my sis. To make matters worse, my family, especially my very own mum who is also dark-skinned always praised anyone who was light-skinned by calling them beautiful. Anyone light skinned was beautiful in their eyes and this did not help our self esteem. A light skinned cousin of ours entered beauty contests and won several times as she is ‘the beautiful one’ in the whole family and she is always rubbing her beauty in our faces by saying she can get any man she wants even after having two kids.

    I am in my mid thirties now and I struggle to accept my dark-skin. Some days are better than others but I still struggle. And even now, my mum is always saying I was born very dark and that I’m lucky my son (who is lighter skinned) will also become dark like me. Of course I have used all kinds of skin lightening creams I could find but stopped during my pregnancy fearing harming my unborn child. I got even darker than I ever was and I strongly believe my pregnancy made me even darker (though it could be because I stopped using the creams).

    In South Africa the “yellowborns” are more preferred by men than us the darker skinned women and this really hurts me even more. A woman (Karabo Mokoena) was murdered, allegedly by her boyfriend a few weeks ago and the story has been trending as she was yellowborn and beautiful. Even the minister of police mentioned her beauty and her skin tone, asking why someone would kill such a beautiful yellowborn. So many women have been murdered by their lovers but none of them have trended like Karabo and I believe it’s because of her looks.

    As a mother, I want to see change in our mindset. It’s high time us as Africans accepted ourselves the way God made us so that we also train up our children to become better than we have been programmed to think. We need to break this cycle. We are all beautiful, wonderfully and fearfully made. This self-hatred is not helping us.


  7. I am dark-skinned and I am degraded often because I am too black. we curse the white man for not see our beauty, yet we are blinded also. Melanin is great. I will not change for anyone as much as I admire ethnicity. We must all come to the realization that we are beautiful and make them think so as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I understand why you may think black men are responsible for self hate. Either you are not that deep intellectually or you haven’t delved into racial history. Whichever may be true, I would like to shed light on your ignorance. To begin with, you must understand that intellectuals do not use blanket statements like “BLACK MEN” are responsible for “XYZ” .. That is a broad statement, assuming that all black men think exactly alike. That would be equivalent to me saying “ALL WHITE PEOPLE DISLIKE BLACK PEOPLE”.. Do you see how ignorant that sounds? Because the fact is I don’t know ALL WHITE PEOPLE to make such a broad statement. In the same sense, you do not know all black men to make a statement like this. Furthermore, black men have undergone conditioning under a racial system that makes all people, (not just black men) believe that lighter skin is more attractive. Even in countries that are not defined by black and white thinking (like China) lighter skinned individuals are seen as more attractive. Which is how I came to the conclusion that you are speaking from emotion and not research. Black men have been victimized by white supremacy, a racial system that values white skin (lighter skin) over dark skin. And it is very dangerous for you to paint black men in this light because creates further division among melanated people. For some reason I believe that you know all of this and still choose to write anti-black male propaganda to spew poison to black women. I would imagine that you are either married to a white man or you yourself are a racist white person posing as a black person to promote division among black people. Either way, this article is easily debunked. If you own a television, just observe what skin tone is glorified on that programming device. Can you also blame the television’s skin preference on black men? Because it is white men who determine what will be shown on television. If you are indeed this thick headed to believe the garbage you have spewed through this article, I would encourage you to do more research on white supremacy and mental conditioning. Thank you. Overall, this article receives a 0 out of 10 and is considered “FAKE NEWS” .. There is absolutely no substance to what you have presented. Please revise your thinking.


  9. It’s both scientific and social. Blackness puts a shadow over a person even if they are good looking. It’s simply the way humans look at the color black also. Black cats are vilified not white ones.
    This article also bleeds female privilege. Both Jeremy Meeks and Jesse Williams are admired and lifted up above typical black men despite one being a criminal turned model and the other totally unknown. I can’t count how many times in life I’ve been shunned by black women for being dark and overheard every black female from little girls to grown women fan themselves when looking at some Puerto Rican guy or mixed race guy. These guys have sexual harem lifestyles with black women while many black men are growingly left involuntarily abstinent and forced into asexuality. He’ll be forced into the arms of a chunky white female just to have his male needs met.
    This form of female privilege which allows them(black women) to go about as if this is a 1 sided thing is disgusting and you all need to stop it and quit acting as if you have ownership of this Black skin shunning.

    Note: A young black child less than 4 in a popular YouTube video is clearly heard calling another dark skin child BLACK in denoting that her little argument can’t be legit based on her skin color. Just as you note racism in white 2 year olds, it also exist among young black girls. Email me if you need the link

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Black men are not responsible for the preference for lighter skinned women. However, we got to fix it. We’ve got to generate our own standard of beauty. If not, the media will pass along these standards to our little boys and girls.


  11. Please stop acting like black men are children and don’t know any better. The white man can put what he wants on T.V. or push in your face, it doesn’t mean you got to believe. I am sick of black men like you that always blame white man for your decision to not date black women. YOU CHOOSE TO DATE WHAT YOU WANT. IT IS NOT THE WHITE MANS FAULT. He didn’t put a gun to your head and make you prefer fair skinned women.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My life is proof that most black men prefer fair skinned. Me and my sister got same mother and father (biological) and I am brown skin with beautiful copper red skin flawless in the sunshine. I am told this by many black women. I have deep honey brown eyes. I take good care of my skin. My sister is yellow skin with green gray eyes, yet even growing up guys would ask me out and try to sneak around with my sister and make comments like “I can see myself marrying your sister she is gorgeous” I was always “pretty”. Yet not to brag but I am very attractive. I know this cause men from other countries, foreigners, even chinese people tell me I am beautiful. My sister also regularly brags about how her fair features, but brags only to me. Fair skinned women are fully aware that many black men prefer them. I can remember my family putting pictures of my sister out on display and not me. I got countless rejection from black men, each reminding me to my face that they prefer fair skin women. My x once said “white women can get men with money. Brown skin women have stinky vaginas…etc” We got in a big fight. He later apologized but I was done with him by then. I remember when I went out with my fair skinned friends, I was always last to get a guy to talk to them at a party or ask me out. I am well built and they would only comment on my sexy figure. I sat next two 3 guys who always talked about how fair skinned and white women were sexy. I realize alot of black men prefer white women or fair skinned cause they busy looking at them as angels, pure looking, a direct contrast of them, this is realize is them self hating. When I was growing up I only got light skinned guys or white guys interested. My x actually went and emailed a bunch of fair skinned women behind my back, asking them out. I ended up meeting my husband who is an irish white man. I knew him since I was ten but met him again while I was 18. I decided to get with him cause he is carrying loving man. My reason for marrying outside my race was for love. I am very much into being black and is a natural black woman. He supports me. My problem with black men dating fair skinned and white women is they feel the need to tell brown skin women they prefer that. I personally feel when you set a preference of what shade of skin you will date, you are discriminating and insane. Shade of skin has nothing to do with someones attraction. I dated a chinese guy that I found very attractive. I also dated a a very dark skin guy that I found very attractive. I dated a brown skin guy that was so attractive, I could barely keep my hands off him. He later showed he preferred white fair skinned girls. If you feel unttracted to someone with a complexion close to yours or darker than you, then it clearly shows you some self hating issues.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. First off, us insulting and disrespecting each other will get us nowhere and we are yet to figure this out. Black women, stop pointing fingers at the Black man, Black man, stop pointing fingers at the Black woman, this is exactly what the enemy wanted us to do in the first place is be against one another, and we just keep perpetuating this vicious cycle pretty much on cruise control. Us pointing and assigning blame will never gets us anywhere better. We are all equally responsible for what we deal with and go through. Stop focusing on blame and who does what, and start focusing on the solutions to actually solve our problems as a people. Until we all unite and do this, we will never get better as a people. Much peace and love!


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