My dear black sisters, you were never created to be Independent. It’s against nature. Yes it’s good to be a strong woman, but strong doesn’t mean independent. Beyonce will sing for you ‘Independent Woman’, but she is not an independent woman herself. She needs JayZ. To be precise, she needs a strong black man next to her. She needed him to boost her solo music career. She needs him to be her companion. She needs him to advise her on making decisions about her life. She needs him to meet her emotional and sexual needs as a woman. Most importantly, she needed JayZ to give her a baby. But she will sing to you that you do not need a man to give you what you want. She will lie to you that you do not need a man to make you happy. And all the single black sisters will be singing along whilst Beyonce is cuddling to JayZ every night.
I have had conversations with black women who feel upset each time they see attractive successful black men with white women. We see the black men being snatched by the white women before our very eyes, even the most unattractive white women will get themselves black men when the worst comes to the worst. There is generally no men shortage with white women. There are more single black women than single white women. In fact the more successful black men are, the more they feel they have to go for white women. It is the black women who suffer the effect of this the most.
According to Oprah, CNN, ABC News and the Washington Post, 70% of black women are single. 42% are unmarried. Black women complain of being successful and lonely. Being unmarried and unattached is a common predicament among young and middle aged Black women, especially in the west. And the problem is becoming worse.
One of my white friends who comes from a very wealthy family was with a black often jobless guy for over 20 years. She absolutely adored this hustler black guy and treated him like a King. Even though she had a high status in society, she was happy to be with a black guy of low status just because she loved him. She had all the qualities of an “independent” woman who did not need a man for money, but never had the mentality that she doesn’t need a man.
But as for us black women, the moment we become successful with a salary above the career field average, we will not even speak to a black guy who is a cleaner. Our standards of an ideal man becomes unrealistic. Men generally want to feel needed, it’s part of their ego and mechanism. Black men feel this more than any other race, this is mainly because of the racism and discrimination they face in the society. Black men need to be needed more than any other race. So telling them that we don’t need them when we become successful is the ultimate insult to their ego.
They will feel intimidated by our success of course. We become unapproachable and full of it. You see a single black woman snubbing a black guy who is trying to chat her just because he has a poor job, he’s not dressed well or he doesn’t drive a fancy car. Girl-band TLC sang as song calling that type of a black guy a scrub not worthy to date. That same black guy will go and chat a white girl and she will find him romantic and charming regardless of her status, she will date him. Now the black woman who snubbed the poor black guy will cry that she can’t find no man and she will frown at the sight of a handsome black guy with a white woman.
So dear black sisters, especially those in the western countries, you do not need to prove to men that you are strong black women. Generally we are not anyway, it’s a facade. Inside we are battling emotional traumas.
Black single women, we need to stop lying to each other that we do not need our men. Men need us, we also need them. Your needs as woman will not be met by your feminist best friends, those needs can only be met by a man, that is how nature designed it. The men who approach you may not be rich and successful, but there is more to life than material things. As a woman you also need companionship, happiness, sex ,security and family.
Right now I see a certain trend among women that is teaching that being married is not an achievement. The irony of it all is the women who teach this are normally married themselves. Natalie Brooke who is a contributor for the Huffington Post wrote the article Being married is not an accomplishment whilst she was planning her dream wedding to her fiance. Being married and bearing children is the most fulfilling life experience of a woman, no matter how much we lie to each other with these New Age teachings.
African Feminists like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie may teach you that don’t be worried about intimidating black men with your success as they won’t be your type anyway. But the reality is it’s the independent black woman who will stay single until God calls her. No man will ever be single because he can’t marry an independent black woman, he will simply date the woman who will accept him, most likely an European woman.
Dear black woman, why do you want a ready made successful man who has everything? Black men are not normally successful. They are no opportunities for them in this white dominated world. They have to create their own opportunities. They have to hustle hard to make it in life. So lets not look down upon our men because they are not successful enough. When we shun them, the white women will gladly have them and treat them like Kings. What happened to starting together and becoming successful with your men. Why not help our black men achieve their dreams?
So my dear black sisters, please just stop the “I’m an independent woman” facade. Its deceptive and self destructing. Stop buying into the feminist agenda too, it is just not for us. We are the most vulnerable disadvantaged women on the planet, for this reason we need our men by our side more. We will never be able to do it alone. Stop listening to these deceptive teachings that tells you that “marriage is not an achievement and you don’t need a man”. The white women are dating and getting married like there is no tomorrow. We do need men very very much, and it is not weakness to admit it. In my opinion only strong black women know the value of their men and how much they need them.
Over my years spent in the UK, I have seen a high number of marriages collapsing in the Zimbabwean community in UK. This was mainly caused by the women becoming professionals in the health sector. A lot of Zimbabwean women in the UK pursued nursing and midwifery. Their men on the other hand could not do the higher well paying jobs they used to do in Africa. Most of the men where bread winners in Africa but the dynamics of everything changed the moment they entered the UK. Their wives become the bread winners and learnt to lose respect to their men. The men could not cope with the new Independent Zimbabwean woman which led to the high level of divorces. Today most of those women are single mothers whilst the men they looked down on are with European women. The black women tend to be too religious, resorting to church and God to give them men, when the solution is practical not prayer and fasting.
White women do not have an epidemic of singleness, black women do. It’s about time we learn to overlook the faults of our black men and appreciate them for who they are. These men are drop dead gorgeous and white women love their beauty and stamina. We need to let go of our unrealistic expectations of an ideal man. If successful white women can embrace and love a black jobless hustler, why can’t we? The white women will take the men we call “losers” and bring the best out of them whiles we keep singing ‘I am an Independent Woman ‘ on a lonely freezing bed.
12 thoughts on “Why Independent Black Women Will Always Be Single”
Not all black women are straight.
LikeLiked by 1 person
But many are straight
It’s has nothing to do with a man’s ego. It has to do with women’s bullshit entitlement and reprobate attitude. Men can take all kinds of stupid emotional shit because Men are bound by their emotions like women, men require a certain level of decency, ladylikness aka submissive, respectful, not a loud mouth, a hoe etc which narrows out most black women.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are disappointing for saying that. All AA women are not loud mouth or hoes.
Most are insane we know understood. No one is talking about lesbos. This article is about normal people smh.
As a white man who fell in love with a black woman a year ago, I have a different perspective. It seems possible to me that a significant proportion of black men may not feel the need to make much effort with women from their own cultural background. With a white woman, perhaps particularly middle class white women, it is more likely that they will try to understand her; her needs, her outlook, her interests, etc.
PS – All of this will be irrelevant when it comes down to individuals; there are too many other factors involved to make judgements on a particular situation. I’m uncomfortable with stereotypes but they do help in discussing trends.
Thank you for your contributions . Yes I know they are many factors involved in this complex issue but I wanted to write from one particular angle I see affects the issue the most. Like you said stereotypes are not good but at times discussing these things is important because lives and perceptions will be changed
Jean you’re so real. I hope more black women see these truths. I have always said that the feminist movement is the greatest threat to the African woman. If we study our history as Africans, we will find out that our women were held in high esteem until the Arab/Muslim invaders and bible-wielding Europeans arrived.
To my fellow African men I say let us act more responsibly. Let us treat our women with respect and be fathers to our sons and daughters not child-bearers.
The African woman has to stand by the African man because we have a common destiny and a common enemy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Respect is earned, not given.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Most black women are independent and do need nor should desire a man. Independent black women are raised by older independent or ungrateful/abused married women to be as such. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. If you go for a career then you sacrifice a successful marriage unless you are uncommonly humble which we all know is extremely rare.
Edjumacated black women are horrible wives (over 70 % devorce rate)and no man wants the headache. You think men are intimidated but that’s just your arrogance trying to give you assurances that are based on a false sense of self entitlement.
You’ll be weeded out ( alcoholism, STDs, old ass eggs etc) since your seed will no longer continue. Enjoy your condos and cash for now though. 20 years from now you’ll be dying off or extinct into a pit a lesbianism and dildos.
The rest of us will be busy forging our legacy’s through our children who understand the importance of a true Godly (Patriarchal) man and women relationship.
LikeLiked by 1 person
love being strong black christian single sister
As I was reading this article I couldn’t believe that someone will be writing this patriarchalic offensive thoughts.
I’m disappointed, a woman does not need a man in order to reach happiness!
I will never be submitted to someone else, a relationship consist of people how love each other and see themselves as equal.
If my point of view will lead me to singlehood,fine!
No human being should be asked to renounce to his integrity for a wedding!