My dear black sisters, you were never created to be Independent. It’s against nature. Yes it’s good to be a strong woman, but strong doesn’t mean independent. Beyonce will sing for you ‘Independent Woman’, but she is not an independent woman herself. She needs JayZ. To be precise, she needs a strong black man next to her. She needed him to boost her solo music career. She needs him to be her companion. She needs him to advise her on making decisions about her life. She needs him to meet her emotional and sexual needs as a woman. Most importantly, she needed JayZ to give her a baby. But she will sing to you that you do not need a man to give you what you want. She will lie to you that you do not need a man to make you happy. And all the single black sisters will be singing along whilst Beyonce is cuddling to JayZ every night.
I have had conversations with black women who feel upset each time they see attractive successful black men with white women. We see the black men being snatched by the white women before our very eyes, even the most unattractive white women will get themselves black men when the worst comes to the worst. There is generally no men shortage with white women. There are more single black women than single white women. In fact the more successful black men are, the more they feel they have to go for white women. It is the black women who suffer the effect of this the most.
According to Oprah, CNN, ABC News and the Washington Post, 70% of black women are single. 42% are unmarried. Black women complain of being successful and lonely. Being unmarried and unattached is a common predicament among young and middle aged Black women, especially in the west. And the problem is becoming worse.
One of my white friends who comes from a very wealthy family was with a black often jobless guy for over 20 years. She absolutely adored this hustler black guy and treated him like a King. Even though she had a high status in society, she was happy to be with a black guy of low status just because she loved him. She had all the qualities of an “independent” woman who did not need a man for money, but never had the mentality that she doesn’t need a man.
But as for us black women, the moment we become successful with a salary above the career field average, we will not even speak to a black guy who is a cleaner. Our standards of an ideal man becomes unrealistic. Men generally want to feel needed, it’s part of their ego and mechanism. Black men feel this more than any other race, this is mainly because of the racism and discrimination they face in the society. Black men need to be needed more than any other race. So telling them that we don’t need them when we become successful is the ultimate insult to their ego.
They will feel intimidated by our success of course. We become unapproachable and full of it. You see a single black woman snubbing a black guy who is trying to chat her just because he has a poor job, he’s not dressed well or he doesn’t drive a fancy car. Girl-band TLC sang as song calling that type of a black guy a scrub not worthy to date. That same black guy will go and chat a white girl and she will find him romantic and charming regardless of her status, she will date him. Now the black woman who snubbed the poor black guy will cry that she can’t find no man and she will frown at the sight of a handsome black guy with a white woman.
So dear black sisters, especially those in the western countries, you do not need to prove to men that you are strong black women. Generally we are not anyway, it’s a facade. Inside we are battling emotional traumas.
Black single women, we need to stop lying to each other that we do not need our men. Men need us, we also need them. Your needs as woman will not be met by your feminist best friends, those needs can only be met by a man, that is how nature designed it. The men who approach you may not be rich and successful, but there is more to life than material things. As a woman you also need companionship, happiness, sex ,security and family.
Right now I see a certain trend among women that is teaching that being married is not an achievement. The irony of it all is the women who teach this are normally married themselves. Natalie Brooke who is a contributor for the Huffington Post wrote the article Being married is not an accomplishment whilst she was planning her dream wedding to her fiance. Being married and bearing children is the most fulfilling life experience of a woman, no matter how much we lie to each other with these New Age teachings.
African Feminists like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie may teach you that don’t be worried about intimidating black men with your success as they won’t be your type anyway. But the reality is it’s the independent black woman who will stay single until God calls her. No man will ever be single because he can’t marry an independent black woman, he will simply date the woman who will accept him, most likely an European woman.
Dear black woman, why do you want a ready made successful man who has everything? Black men are not normally successful. They are no opportunities for them in this white dominated world. They have to create their own opportunities. They have to hustle hard to make it in life. So lets not look down upon our men because they are not successful enough. When we shun them, the white women will gladly have them and treat them like Kings. What happened to starting together and becoming successful with your men. Why not help our black men achieve their dreams?
So my dear black sisters, please just stop the “I’m an independent woman” facade. Its deceptive and self destructing. Stop buying into the feminist agenda too, it is just not for us. We are the most vulnerable disadvantaged women on the planet, for this reason we need our men by our side more. We will never be able to do it alone. Stop listening to these deceptive teachings that tells you that “marriage is not an achievement and you don’t need a man”. The white women are dating and getting married like there is no tomorrow. We do need men very very much, and it is not weakness to admit it. In my opinion only strong black women know the value of their men and how much they need them.
Over my years spent in the UK, I have seen a high number of marriages collapsing in the Zimbabwean community in UK. This was mainly caused by the women becoming professionals in the health sector. A lot of Zimbabwean women in the UK pursued nursing and midwifery. Their men on the other hand could not do the higher well paying jobs they used to do in Africa. Most of the men where bread winners in Africa but the dynamics of everything changed the moment they entered the UK. Their wives become the bread winners and learnt to lose respect to their men. The men could not cope with the new Independent Zimbabwean woman which led to the high level of divorces. Today most of those women are single mothers whilst the men they looked down on are with European women. The black women tend to be too religious, resorting to church and God to give them men, when the solution is practical not prayer and fasting.
White women do not have an epidemic of singleness, black women do. It’s about time we learn to overlook the faults of our black men and appreciate them for who they are. These men are drop dead gorgeous and white women love their beauty and stamina. We need to let go of our unrealistic expectations of an ideal man. If successful white women can embrace and love a black jobless hustler, why can’t we? The white women will take the men we call “losers” and bring the best out of them whiles we keep singing ‘I am an Independent Woman ‘ on a lonely freezing bed.