How Being A God-Damned Christian Ruined My Life, Part 1

When I became a born again Christian in 2008, I became those holier than thou Christians who would go for a day with the goal of not “sinning”. I strived on living a holy perfect life according to the Christian doctrine. I strived on living an honest life, and would go to great length to achieve that.

One day after I had finished shopping and was unpacking at home, I noticed that there was some garlic in my shopping which was not paid for on the receipt, and I went all the way back to Asda to ask them if I could pay for it, because I could not bring myself to use even a clove of garlic which I had not paid for. The white lady at customer service was so shocked and asked me a few times with a wow, that I had actually came back to Asda to pay for the garlic. Though she commended me for being an “honest” person, I think she had never seen anything like it, she did look at me like I was crazy.

In 2010, when I was at the height of being a born again Christian, I travelled to Zimbabwe to see my “blood” family. When I got there, I started to work for them all like a donkey, as I had always done as a child. My younger sister even took this time to literally go to bed and not do any house chores at all. I had 3 young children, 6, 4 and 2, and I had to look after them without any help at all, as well as serving my “Family”.

There was no electricity or running water in Zimbabwe, so the workload was abnormal and a shock to my system coming from the UK. I had to light fire every morning and heat up the water for the children, then cook on the fire, then go down to the borehole to draw water. I literally used to rest when I went to bed at night, if one had seen me, one would have never known I was actually the breadwinner for this family, I worked in the UK and sent them all the money and clothes they wore. They dressed better than anyone in the entire town, they were known for their expensive stylish wardrobe from “Jean in the UK”. Yet when I decided to visit them, they treated me like slave girl Cinderella, without mercy at all.

So one day my young sister said something to me, which was so cruel and provocative, she said, “I wasn’t anything special because I lived in the UK, and I had come to Zimbabwe to work as a maid, which I was.” She said, “As soon as I went back to the UK, my marriage was going to collapse and I was going to suffer in life.”

My “mother” was sitting there drinking tea, she was literally gloating and smiling at the curses my young “sister” was hissing at me. I looked at her for help, so she could stop her daughter from saying such cruel things to me, but no, she continued sipping her tea loudly with a smirk on her face as if to say, “Go on my most beloved daughter, curse her I pray.”

I literally could not believe what I was seeing or hearing. I was overcome with so much emotion so I slapped my “sister” so hard. And again and again until she ran out of the house and made such a spectacle of the drama, the workers outside and the neighbours heard her wailing.

“Jean, you will sleep in police custody tonight! I’m going to the police!”

As she threatened to call the police and get me arrested, with the full support of my “mother”. I think she actually did go or call the police, it’s just that no action was taken. I remember my then 6-year-old daughter being so scared that her mother was about to go to jail. She came and said to me, “Mummy I miss home, can we just go back to England now.” I tried to call my then husband to buy me a return ticket urgently, but he said I was just fed up of Zimbabwe and making things up, no family can hate their own child like that, it was unheard of. So I was literally on my own.

My “sister” then called her brothers and told them that I had assaulted her. Then one of her brothers, her twin brother, came to the house, took my laptop which had all my pictures, all the memories I had of that trip with my children. I had done videos of our journey to Zimbabwe, in South Africa, in Doha etc. I didn’t care about the laptop, I cared about all the precious memories of my children which he had taken. After he took my computer, he then threatened to actually take my eyes out, and beat me because “I assaulted his twin sister and thought UK was so special.” It was my father who saved me that day, and restrained my sister’s twin brother as he was coming for me.

Within a hour, there was police everywhere, neighbours had gathered at the house, the whole town of “Karoi” in Zimbabwe knew that a woman had come from the UK to visit her family, and they all could not stand her. I was so disgraced and humiliated.

The next day after the police and neighbours incident, because I was a born-again Christian, I went to a hill to pray. I read my bible. I felt like I had spiritually fallen. I felt so bad that I was such a horrible human being which was why my own family hated me and now the whole town knew that I was such an unlovable human being. I pleaded for forgiveness from God, then I made a decision to go and beg for forgiveness from my “sister” and “mother”.

I went and knelt before them, told them that I was a horrible person and I was so sorry for all the pain I had caused them since coming to Zimbabwe. I was on my knees, weeping. It was a pathetic sight. The worst part was, I wasn’t even forgiven. My “Mother” and “sister” couldn’t even bring themselves to embrace me or show any ounce of love or affection for me.

Every-time I tell my husband and children this story, they think I was “crazy” to ask for forgiveness and it angers them that I did that. We do have a good laugh about it though, it’s something too unbelievable so it makes a good pathetic funny story.

Anyway, back to the story, the animosity was so bad I had to leave my “mother’s” house because it was not safe for me to stay there anymore. I felt my “sister’s” brother could attack me any time. He proper hated me. And from that moment, my life literally began to crumble. My ex-husband whom I was married to at that time accused me of making everything up so I could leave my “mother’s” house. For the rest of my trip to Zimbabwe, my ex-husband wasn’t even talking to me and my life was never to be the same again.

All I know is, had I not been a born again Christian, I would have handled the entire situation differently. I wouldn’t have apologized for being abused for starters. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be abused. And more importantly, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be cursed. Everything I did during that trip was based on scriptures like, “Turn the other cheek, do good to your enemies, forgive, do not repay evil for evil.” Basically, everything that the black Christian church teaches black people. The scriptures which only apply to black people and never to white people is what I was using to handle the situation.

Well my “sister’s” words actually came to pass, as soon as I returned to the UK, within 2 years my marriage had collapsed and I suffered like I had never suffered before in life. In the end, everything which happened turned out to be a blessing in disguise, but I suffered terribly for actually being a God-damned “Christian”. The doctrines I believed had serious consequences on my well being and that of my children.

Christianity is a religion which favors the wicked, there is no justice whatsoever within the religion. The wicked always get away with wickedness…whilst the victims are forced to forgive, ask for forgiveness, and turn the other cheek.

This is one of the main reasons I left the false religion of Christianity, for that season I was a strict believer, I suffered so much pain as my life was turned upside and completely destroyed…

The Genesis Of The Revelation By

Mary-Tamar was Jean