Before I start my article, Shulamite actually took this thumbnail picture of Boaz when he was full of cold, she was like what my mistress can do, I can do better. So she followed him to the bathroom for some interesting shots. I admire her competitive spirit though, she doesn’t even hide the fact that she’s copying me. But there are some things which can’t be copied I guess. She was yet to learn that.
Boaz and I debate a lot, we argue about Pierce Morgan, we argue about Harry and Meghan, we argue about black people. We once had a very heated argument about mixing meat, and our teenage daughter was like, “You two are like children really. The things you fight about.” We are two very strong minded people, but sadly when I debate with my husband, he always wins, and gets the older children to side with him. He prefers me more as a writer than a speaker, lol.
One thing he doesn’t like about me is how I play African Gospel Music in the house. Before Shulamite came, when I was doing my house chores, I always used to put my African Gospel Playlist, yes I know I am not a Christian, I don’t worship no White Jesus, but the music has always grown on me. Maybe it must still be the Hamite in me still. So when I start playing Nigerian Gospel song Ekueme, where people will be jumping and throwing themselves on the floor and crying hysterically, or Soni Badu when he starts singing in tongues, my husband will be like, “Stop the barbarism. This music is disturbing.” And my children will be agreeing with him, asking me, “Mum when is your song going to finish?”
The only support I always have is my three little muchkins, they will dance their little hearts out to whatever Mummy plays on You Tube.
So this week started with me playing my African Gospel as I decided to make dinner, it had been a while since I had played my playlist, since I haven’t done house chores in a good while.
My husband and my eldest daughter started asking for the “barbaric music” to be turned down.
Then lo and behold, as I was playing Soni Badu’s my soul says yes, Shulamite comes and tells Boaz he shouldn’t speak against a man of God, his music is blessed. She is a big fan of Soni Badu. So a debate erupts between a man and his second wife. I felt vindicated, I mean Shulamite was extra passionate on this one. I stayed out it, and I said “The God of Mary-Tamar.” I enjoyed her debate skills, she put her points across one by one, and she was like, “Yes I get it, black gospel music can get crazy, but that’s our culture, our people have suffered so much allow them to cry out as they sing. What else have they got besides music, let them jump up and down and go barbaric, music is all they have.” And I have been trying to say this, in a different way to my husband for years.
So Boaz left the kitchen and went away as Shulamite was still talking, and she followed him to the living room to finish her points. And Boaz was just shaking his head.
Then Shulamite came back in the kitchen feeling rather victorious, and we found ourselves clapping hands, and the little ones continued dancing like crazy. So Boaz heard me and Shulamite laughing and clapping and I know him, I knew he was going to retaliate and burst our bubble. My husband is not the one to lose a debate, especially to a woman, lol.
So he comes in the Kitchen, and switches the music off just like that, and I hear my daughter going “Peek, is all going down!” Some slang for teenagers, she always says that. It was Nigerian Gospel Ekwueme that Boaz put a stop to, in all fairness it does get a bit noisy and crazy, so he was a little justified. But Shulamite was not having it, she tried to put the music back on, and Boaz took her hand.
And Boaz then whispered to her, “This is why I need my own private den, you see, away from this madness. Why should I be subjected to this barbaric music in my own house, and my children dancing to it and all, I can’t wait to get the third wife, she has to have some class at least.”
“If my daughter would have heard it she would have gone, “Peak! Shots fired!” She always plays the commentator and referee in debates. And I was now thinking should I take over my daughter’s referee job or what.
Shulamite got upset, like proper upset. She looked at Boaz, and if her eyes could talk.
Well, Boaz has told her that as long as I am around she can’t speak in twi, she has to speak in English, but this minute she forgot herself in anger, and uttered something in Twi, and Boaz was like “Speak in English.” And he had a smirk on his face.
And Shulamite stammered and she was like, “Go to your third wife, you won’t get any from me, from us.”
So Boaz literally grabs her and started playing with her, laughing. And she pulled away in a rather strong way.
Then Boaz just walked out of the Kitchen and left her. I honestly did not know what to say. Shulamite then left the kitchen and went upstairs. I couldn’t follow her because I had to finish cooking. So I called Boaz and told him to go after her, but he was like, “Oh just leave her, she will calm down.”
So after I dished the food I went up to her, I told her that Boaz was just messing with her, like he was teasing about the third wife having class. I said to her, come on you know he’s a classical and opera singer. He doesn’t listen to this music. I told her that we are a very big family, we all tease each other and make fun of each other. Even my own children laugh at me, especially my two year old, she has already mastered the art of humor and teasing. Then I have my 5 year old daughter always mimicking how I speak saying, “Mum always says, Everybody start tidying up!” each time I walk into a room. I told her that if she wants to survive in this big household, teasing and even laughing at oneself is a rule, there is enough misery in this world but our family thrives on laughing out loud a lot, including laughing at ourselves. .
She was like, “He thinks I am not classy I know.”
I asked her, “So why am I not upset then, am I not classy too? Who cares about class, do we get paid to be classy.” Then she laughed, and I said, “You can’t take every little thing to heart sis, you will give yourself unnecessary heartache.”
“You are his first wife, he’s going to get a third wife with her own house. Where does that put me? I know I am here to serve you but where does the third wife leave me?”
“You are his delight, his Ashanti delight. Third wife will have her place, she will not spend any nights with him, he comes home to us, to eat dinner here. This is his main home. She has to work and keep the house and also be a PA. You know you can’t do what is required of her, I can’t even do it. ”
I was sitting there thinking, am I now some sort of counselor for my husband’s second wife? I then went on to tell her that under no circumstances should a wife ever deny her husband his conjugal rights because of a silly argument. I told her that arguments are normal, healthy even, no matter how heated, and God created intimacy for married couples to solve arguments. The marriage chamber is where you make up after those heated arguments.
She said she didn’t mean it, she was just upset.
I knew Boaz was thinking I won’t be visiting her bed chamber for like a couple of nights. He had told me she needed space to calm down and stop being childish. But I said to him please, I know I get jealous but please do go and comfort your wife like, she feels upset about you getting a third and she thinks you actually meant shes not classy. I told my husband that for the first time he could go to her first at night.
So to cut the long story short, I chose to go down stairs to watch some Netflix and sleep on the sofa bed and left Boaz and Shulamite to it. I have had incidents at like 5 am in the morning where sounds are made. When I tell Boaz about the sounds he will be like “Just stop listening and sleep, she’s not mad, she’s just a woman, your own motto.”
So when Boaz came downstairs to join me on the sofa, he was like, “You know what babe, you can’t be hearing things and Shulamite can’t be hearing things, I know you both imagining things. But I need Shulamite to have her own space downstairs, will convert the garage into her own bedroom with her own bathroom and maybe a small lounge. She doesn’t have to share a bathroom with the children. She can’t be on the same floor as you because at night it gets awkward for you both. And downstairs will be her domain where she can do her chores better.”
I was so relieved and happy to hear this. “I was like you mean she will have her own Annex?”
Lol, so Shulamite woke up the next morning in good spirits, I was so happy for her that she’s going to have her own little corner she can decorate and put her own colors. She was over the whole classy issue, and I told her she had to up her classy game and make her suite proper 5 star. She told me that Boaz told her I love Coldplay. She’s a big fan of Coldplay too. I think we have more in common than we know.
Funny she reminds me of myself when I first got with Boaz, I used to get so upset about every little silly argument and teasing. I was coming from a place of no humor whatsoever. Oh how I have grown in 5 years, and I can see Shulamite growing into a very cultured wife to my husband. I love her listening and learning spirit, she really deserves that private suite. An argument about gospel music ended up bringing positive change in our household. That is the wisdom of my King.
The Genesis of The Revelation
By Mary -Tamar was Jean