Dear Nomazulu Thata
I recently read an article in Bulawayo News 24 where you were saying I am in an abusive marriage to my Ghanaian husband and I should leave my marriage and come back to Zimbabwe. As an Activist and Politician I have always admired, I was greatly disappointed that as an elder, you ask a married woman to leave her husband and become a single mother. You said I am misleading young women to accept polygamy. If I am to take your advice and leave my Boaz, what happens to my children? Why on earth should I raise fatherless children in this very confused world? My husband is a good man, and a good provider for his children. He has never raised his hand to me. In fact just this morning I had a sore throat, and he was up at 4am, grinding me ginger and making me lemon tea. He would not go back to sleep until I was comfortable and feeling all better.
So tell me Ms Nomazulu, why on earth would I leave such a man for a cold lonely life of black single motherhood? O because he has become a polygamist? So I should just up and leave him? Look what happened to Oliver Mtukudzi’s first wife, she packed her bags and left her husband, because she did not want polygamy. According to her own testimony her own husband begged her with tears not to leave, he had already wed her and put a crown on her head. Then she comes to the funeral and says I am the first wife of Oliver Mtukudzi, like 40 years later. She became worse off than she would have been had she accepted her husband’s polygamy. She literally took off her crown and gave it to another woman, and boy didn’t her children suffer as a result in the name of her western feminism? Her children were even excluded from the will, and that was the right thing for Oliver Mtukudzi to do, because their mother was no longer his wife. And you want me to take your advice and become a spinster and sad woman like Melody Murape, and take away my children’s inheritance and Empire?
According to your research polygamy is equal to abuse right? You are a black woman from Africa. Polygamy has always been a way of life for millions of women on this earth, especially black Africans. You took all this anti polygamy activism from the Western society, yet in USA polygamy reality shows and films are among the most watched shows by women, more watched than soap operas. A few years ago, polygamy series Big Love became such a hit with women, even the producers were shocked that there was such an interest in polygamy especially from women.
You said I should leave my Ghanaian husband and come back to Zimbabwe. God forbid, not when I am still breathing. Let me politely put it this way, I would rather be abused in Ghana than come back to Zimbabwe, a country I have never been appreciated or loved.
Zimbabwe is not my motherland. All the horrific abuses I suffered all my life were in the hands of my Zimbabwean mother first. I don’t even know if I should call her my mother. According to my dreams, she is not my mother, because of the hatred she carries for me.
Ms Thata, you are a woman rights activist right? But why is it that you never speak out about abusive mothers? Even in your political and feminism activism, you still adhere to the evil oppressive culture of Zimbabwe, that protects abusive mothers at the expense of the daughters. I spoke out about my abusive mother, and all I got was more horrendous abusive from the Zimbabwean community, I never saw a single Zimbabwean feminist standing up to my abusive mother. A lot of them speak out about how Prophet Masocha and my ex-husband were abusive to me, but not a single word about my abusive mother. Today it’s a taboo in Zimbabwe for a girl child to speak out that her mother has abused her. She will face the wrath of the community.
All the abuses I suffered from Walter Masocha, my ex-husabnd, my ex mother-in-law and the Agape church members was because my own mother, or whoever she is to me, opened that door for me to be abused. My daughters will never face abuse in their future because I love them and protect them. If anything my mother always sided with my abusers, and today she remains on my ex-husband’s side. So because of my mother, I hate Zimbabwe with a passion, and I will never ever return there.
To me, the people of Zimbabwe are a true reflection of my mother. They call good evil, and evil good and for that reason I denounced Zimbabwe.
In Ghana, all I have received is compassion for the horrible abuses I endured in Zimbabwe. These people understand me. My husband especially.
Him taking another wife doesn’t stop him from loving me. He loves me a lot more than many women are loved in monogamous marriages. I was once married to a very abusive Zimbabwean man, and if you see my pictures back then, you can see that I was a proper damsel in distress, yet I was an only wife.
If this is a such a tolerant world, why is that polygamy is the only form of relationship that is a taboo in this world? If today I was to come out as lesbian, I will be hailed as a hero. If I decide that I don’t want to be a woman anymore, I want to be a man, I would be called brave. If I choose to dress my baby boy as a girl, and deny him his God given gender right, I would be applauded, yet this is the cruelest form of child and psychological abuse, this new wave of raising gender fluid children. Most of these children who change gender grow up to regret it, because it is actually a mental disorder to change your gender. The hypocrisy of it is that the same people who fight for the so called rights of these mentally challenged people who need help rather than to be applauded, are the same people who will condemn polygamy and call it morally wrong. The hypocrisy of the western world.
Most women in polygamous marriages actually choose this type of marriage. Most women secretly want this type of marriage, but they are afraid because society has made polygamy a taboo.
I am happy for my husband to have another wife. I am free. Do I look like a damsel in distress to you?
I have a beautiful life with my husband and children. In 5 years, my Ghanaian husband and I have gone through the fire and storms, including homelessness, but we stuck together. So why should I leave him and come to Zimbabwe, a cursed land? Going back to Zimbabwe is me going back to my own vomit, literally.. How can Ruth leave her polygamous husband Boaz, and go back to Moab. Yes Boaz had other wives besides Ruth.
In your article you said I am void of any normal emotions like jealousy. Have you been reading my journey into plural marriage? I have had challenges, I do actually get jealous. But I deal with it and my husband is ever so supportive and understanding. I have a good relationship with my co-wife, shes an amazing woman, but we are like sisters, there will be misunderstandings. Above all, shes an amazing handmaid to me.
As for my husband taking a third wife to expand his Empire. That is exactly what black polygamy is about. Western culture has so destroyed the black community, and has dismantled what used to build us up, polygamy. You will watch and see how my husband will literally grow his Empire, and I know many men will take notes, and a new dispensation will rise.
Watch this amazing intelligent black young woman Goddess Aayanna speak eloquently about the benefits of polygamy in the black community. A lot of black women out there, especially those gifted spiritually with discernment, do love polygamy.
With that Ms Thata, I say allow me to do what I am doing, I am also an activist and I hate women abuse in all its forms, but I refuse to be a feminist. To be a strong black woman doesn’t mean you have to be single. To be a strong black woman doesn’t mean you have to hate men. To be a strong black woman doesn’t mean you have to be to be independent. And most importantly to be a strong black woman doesn’t mean you have to despise the holy matrimony of polygamy.
I am a strong black woman who loves and need my husband, and I am happy for him to be my lord and King, and I bow before him daily and allow him to run his Empire how he sees fit.
Isn’t the British Royal Family all about maintaining English traditions? Isn’t the English royal family patriarch in its structure? Yet the whole world bow and praise the British Monarchy, and its every woman’s dream to be married to Harry. So why should my husband, a King, not hold on to his traditions as a son of Judah? Its okay for white people to be traditional, but its not okay for a black family to hold on to the traditions of their forefathers?
You say my Ghanaian husband is worse than my Zimbabwean ex-husband. Really? If buying me houses, cooking me my favorite meals, giving me super beautiful babies, taking me to the pub for a meal every Friday, massaging me with his warm hands and warming my bed every night is abuse, then Lord please give me more of that abuse.
It’s certainly the best thing to ever happen to me…
Mary-Tamar was Jean Gasho
NB; On a positive note, I am glad you are not a Christian, that’s one thing we have in common at least.