Dear Kundai Gasho, I Am Not Your Sister

Dear Kundai

Each time I spoke out about my abusive past, you always came into my territory and wrote whatever you wanted, and I always maintained my peace, because I grew up afraid of you. As the loved daughter, you intimidated me because you had so much power over me. Last year you came on my blog and wrote the most nasty message about me, cursing me and saying one day I will tanda botso, and Zimbabwe Facebook celebrity Bren Mupa ran with your abusive message claiming you are my ‘sibling’.

Well, since I became MARY-TAMAR a lot of chains where broken in me, including fear of YOU.

I have never been your sister Kundai. You are the one who sent me a message recently asking me who my Father was. You asked me where my parents are?

Woman, please stop trolling my Facebook wall.

Going back to our childhood in Karoi, girl we never played together, don’t get it twisted. We never laughed together. We had no connection whatsoever. You hated me with a passion when I was in your mother’s house. We do not share any fond childhood memories. You did not even speak to me. When I left to come to the UK at 17, and you were 13, we were not even on speaking terms.

All you did with your twin brother was torment me.

I remember when you were born, Miriam had to stay in hospital for months. I would come to hospital to visit, but I never wanted to neither did I speak to anyone.

The day Miriam brought you and your twin brother home, oh how happy she was. I was only 5 years old, but I remember that day.

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I said ‘Mummy can I sit on your lap’, she said, ‘Go away Jean you are not a baby anymore’. From that day she never let me closer. I would go outside in search of new friends and companions.

 

I started sitting on my own. I became my own best friend. I played outside with insects. I would spend my time studying ants as I found them to be the most fascinating creatures of the universe.  But my favourite animal was the chameleon. I heard that chameleons where dangerous and their tongue was poison, but I loved them. But I touched them, played with them, and never once did a chameleon bite me. If I saw them in a tree, I would let my hand out and they would come to me and camouflage my skin. If I can be honest, the time I played alone with my little animal friends are my most precious childhood memories. I grew up in the animal kingdom, and yes animals were my best friends. They understood me more than my family or any humans in that Kingdom.

Soon after you were born Kundai, you and your brother where about 1 or 2 years. Chief Mutota went to South Africa, and came back with a doll for me. It was a white baby doll, which used to cry and say, ‘Mama.’

That doll became everything to me. My most precious possession.  Every time I touched it, it cried for its mummy. And I felt like I cried with it. I wanted to take the doll everywhere I went. I wanted to play with it all the time.

But Miriam stopped me from playing with the doll. She told me to give the doll to you. You cried for that doll all the time. She would scream at me, and tell me to hand over the doll to you. I was only a little girl, but that is when she started giving me chores.

So instead of playing with the doll, I would be told to give it to you Kundai, and she would say I should get a broom (mutsvairo) and start sweeping the floor. I would be cleaning, watching you play with my doll.

So I started to hate the doll. The doll started giving me nightmares.

I said to myself, ‘ I will never touch it again.’

Then I took Miriam’s needles and wool, and I learnt to make my own dolls, which I used to hide from you. My dolls were mine, and I had control over them.

And you and your twin brother would just torment me, all the time. You were a team, and more stronger than me. Everything I did you went to report to Miriam. I was always getting shouted at. I was always doing housework whilst the three of you sat and laughed whilst I worked. You all mocked me and called me the ‘maid’ of the house.

So tell me, when did ever become your sister? When. The house was nothing but a house of abominations, and incest organised and directed by Miriam. I share no childhood memories with you Kundai. You were never my sister, but tormentor.

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Miriam always said you were more beautiful than me

Miriam would come to me whilst I was doing chores and whisper, ‘Kundai is my angel, she is so beautiful and she loves me.’

Let me tell you something Kundai Gasho, you were never my sister, I know that to be so because I have three daughters, I see how they are with each other, and I know I never shared what they have with you.

My three girls play with each other, they make memories together. My oldest daughter takes my little daughters and does pretend play with them. She plays school with them, and teaches them songs and games. My two little girls Charo-Destiny and Fadzi-May literally adores Nakai-Tamara. She does their hair and they sit quietly and don’t reject her. She knows what makes them cry or what makes them happy. That is sister love Kundai, I never had anything like that with you.

It’s funny how you always laugh at my children that they have so called different fathers, yet they have more love within them that you have ever experianced.

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What my girls have is a true definition of sister-love

There was a time I so wanted you to be my little sister Kundai. I would try to take you and play with you, but you would reject me. I would try to do your hair, and would beg Miriam to do your hair, but you would reject me and never allowed me. Miriam would tell me to leave you alone. I then started braiding and plaiting grass outside, because I had no sister to do her hair.

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If you want to know what sisters look like, look at my girls

So I don’t know what you mean when you come on my Facebook Wall and announce to the world that I am your sister. You say I am now mad, and I need traditional healers to fix me. You say I am now cursed, (kutanda botso). Lol, girl there is no such thing as Kuntanda Botso, even if there is it doesn’t apply to me anyway.

I am so loved by my children. You are always wishing that my children turn against me. Not with the way I raised them. They are well loved, and according to the bible, I am training them in the right way so when they are older the truth will not depart from them.

I am also loved by Boaz, and his family. They are my family now. They are all I need.

Please leave me alone KundaiGasho

I was never your sister

Mary-Tamar Was Jean

 

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