Yesterday I went shopping with my 14-year-old daughter. I love our shopping trips because we get to talk about matters of the heart whilst having fun at the same time. She’s only 14 but she’s really like my best friend. Each time I go shopping with her, I always come back home with a testimony.
So we spoke a bit about my mum, especially about the incident when my mum called with a message for my new born Chaka, (which I rejected). And I also told my daughter how I had been looking forward to my mum coming to see Chaka, until she called with her message of doom.
‘Mummy, she’s my grandmother, but shes really evil mum. Like she proper hates you. That’s not even normal. But it’s sad mum because you love your mum more than she loves you.’
I couldn’t believe I was getting comfort from my own teenage daughter. She’s ever so wise and graceful. But what I love about her is she’s a very discerning girl whose very good at judging character.
‘If it was you who would call me with a message like that after I have had a baby, I would be so angry mum,’ she went on, ‘But you know what mum, as much as you love your mum, and she’s my grandma and everything, you have to completely cut her out of your life.’
It was bittersweet to hear my baby girl say that. She’s seen a lot. She once overheard my mum talking about me on the phone when she was sleeping. Well, she was pretending to be asleep, and mum said a lot of things that are not very nice about me.
My daughter kept it to herself for some time, and never said anything to me because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings.
Until one time she overheard me being cussed by my mum on the phone, then she told me.
‘Mum there’s something you should know, grandma was talking about you on the phone. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it because I knew it would hurt you.’
What touched me was that she considered my feelings, and had to sacrifice to keep something hurtful and disturbing to herself that her grandmother had said about her own mother just to protect me, in her own way. For her age, I applauded her grace, selflessness and maturity.
She’s a very good judge of character, and my heart feels redeemed knowing that my own daughter and my eldest child believes that having my mother in my life is toxic and unhealthy for me. It’s such a sad and hard place to be in life, but it’s the most godly and noble thing to do.
My daughter is my greatest advisor, after my Boaz, and her advice stands.