Why I Never Want To Move On From My Painful Past

So yesterday I mentioned ‘Zimbabwe’ in my article about being Ghanaian, and a number of readers who are Zimbabwean were quite unhappy about their beloved country being mentioned by an ex Zimbabwean repeatedly. Apparently, it’s a strong sign that I have not moved on. Yeah. There is also a time frame in which you are allowed to talk about your past. Too much talking about your past means, ‘you need help’ apparently.

I don’t know where the majority of Zimbabweans got this weird theory from, they treat it like the 11th commandment.

Let me make this crystal clear to you dear Zimbabweans, those who believe I need to ‘move on’ and ‘need help’. I will write it in point form for extra clarification.

• You do not tell me how and when to move on. It is my choice whether I decide to move on or not.
• My story began in Zimbabwe. I was born there and lived half of my life there. The traumatic experiences I endured in Zimbabwe shaped me into the woman I am, therefore as long as I am breathing, Zimbabwe will forever be mentioned in my testimony and there is nothing you can do about it.
• I will also talk about my past life and past marriage which cost me 12 years of my adult life. I will always mention my ex-husband, my ex-mother in law, my ex-family, the evil pastor, yes everyone who tortured my heart for years I will always talk about. If it means standing on a roof top to talk about my ex-husband, I will.
• I hope I have made that Crystal clear with a capital C.

What planet do you guys live in? Do you not know that there are people who have made careers out of talking about their lives over and over and over again. They will write books about their pasts, what they endured and survived. They will make movies about it. They will talk about the same story over and over and their repeated stories never cease to be inspiring. If they survived it, why should they not talk about it a million times and also get paid for it?

Just a few years ago I watched Tina Turner speaking with Oprah Winfrey and guess what Zimbabwe, she spoke about Ike Turner, almost 40 years later.  Does it mean Tina Turner needs ‘help’ and she’s still not over her ex-husband? How ridiculous is that? Her story is what makes her Tina Turner. She can talk about Ike Turner till she’s 100 years.

So please Zimbabwe, spare me this utter ‘moving on’ hogwash.  I will not be mute about my past country and my past marriage. You ain’t seen or read nothing yet. As long as I am still holding my pen in my hand, I will forever write. I live to tell my story. That’s my life. That’s my job. I have survived and I will speak freely about it without feeling guilty.

Just this morning Nino’s older brother said to me, ‘Jean don’t feel guilty for doing whats best for you’. So here it is. You shall read book by book of my story, page by page, chapter by chapter.

I will leave no stone unturned. Zimbabwe will not be spared, neither my ex-husband and his family. How can I not talk about it, I have always overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony, that is what makes me Jean. If my stories are too hard to bear, I suggest other remedies like simply ‘not reading’. Those ‘you need help’ intimidations and the ‘you need to move on’ tag lines are rather getting old and will never silence me.

If you have chosen to continue reading my articles, then allow me to educate you especially if you are from the, ‘you need to move on’ brigade.

Yes, it’s okay for a woman to talk about her past or her ex-boyfriend or ex-husband.  It has got nothing to do with moving on or not moving on.

I find it rather sad, that a lot of women in the Zimbabwean community have stories to tell but they are afraid to tell them lest they be accused of being stuck in the past. What a backward oppressive way of intimidating women.

People who grew up in orphanages share their stories all the time,  does it mean they wish to go back to the orphanage?

Have you never heard of Nick Vujicic, a disabled man who tried to commit suicide when he was a little boy but today he touches lives by sharing his story over and over again? I guess the majority of Zimbabweans will tell him to ‘move on’. What about Giana Jessen, a woman who survived partial birth abortion and today lives to tell her story, country from country, conference from conference over and over again. I guess a lot of Zimbabweans would tell her to ‘stop being stuck in her past’ and just ‘let go’. What about Joyce Meyer who is always mentioning how her father raped her. She needs help too right?  The reality is these amazing inspiring people are living happier fulfilled lives by simply talking about their past and not moving on. 

Talking about your traumatic past freely and openly is actually a sign that you are free and healed. It’s very therapeutic too.

I’m sure a lot of women out there are bottled up and even suffering depression because they can not share the pain and traumas they experienced in their pasts.

To my dear Zimbabwean sisters, those who have been through the fire and survived it, please do not be silenced by the oppressive trend and culture in Zimbabwe that teaches that talking about your past means you have not moved on.

If you want to spend the whole year just talking about your past every day, do so. If you want to even form a group with your girlfriends where you all just sit in a circle and talk about your exes for hours, that’s okay too. Get a box of tissues and weep if you must. Or if you want to laugh about it instead, do so.  And for the record, it’s also okay not to move on if for some reason you don’t want to, Zimbabweans be treating it like it’s some sort of crime to be stuck in your past.

I will tell you something before Nino came into my life, I used to find it very hard to talk about my ex-husband, or even think about him without feeling pain in my heart, or without shedding a tear or two. I was hurting so much.

But when my Boaz came to take away my reproach, he taught me that talking freely about pain was the best therapy. He would ask me about my past life. The funny thing is the things I used to find very painful to talk about, he had a way of seeing the funny side of it. Talking about it went from being painful to rib cracking bloody hilarious. I am talking rolling on the floor with laughter. Now if we really want to have a laugh, we talk about my ex-husband, I don’t even know how many jokes we have about him. Sadly or rather hilariously, my ex-husband is now the butt of jokes in our household. Strangely that is how I got my healing.

So when I read Zimbabweans saying, ‘ Jean be always talking about her ex-husband. Jean needs help. Why is she still mentioning Zimbabwe?  Jean needs to move on bla bla bla’. I be eating hagendaz ice cream, watching Game Of Thrones and reading your comments laughing with Boaz.

I guess Tina Turner hasn’t moved on too, 4 decades later. If that is the definition of not moving on, dear Lord I don’t ever wanna move on. I have way too many books to write. I wanna be stuck in my story like forever. I don’t ever wanna move on, get it.