To My Mummy…

Posted on by Mary-Tamar was Jean

Mothers Day has just passed, it’s always that time of the year when I see other women paying tributes to their amazing mothers…

I am happy mum, but no matter how happy I am, or how old I am, God has put a void in my heart that only a mother’s love can fill.

You went through the pain of childbirth. I know how that pain feels, I have given birth 5 times. I appreciate that you birthed me. And you named me Jean, which means a gift from God. I think when I was born, you rejoiced.

I remember some of your love, somewhere in my spirit I feel some of your love, but it doesn’t exist in my heart. Sometimes I tell myself that you love me, but each time I do I feel like a liar.

Mummy I know you don’t like my articles or my writings. Many a time you have told me to just stop all this writing. But I can’t mum, writing is the only thing which makes me free and happy. So please mum, allow me to take my pen, and go back in time, to my life as a little girl…

You used to make me kill chickens, but I loved them. My heart used to beat so hard when I held the head to slaughter it. I would see the pain of the chicken in its screams, and it felt like me. I would go in a corner and cry, but I could never tell you, “mummy, I am scared.”

One day I think you saw the fear and pain in my eyes. I had finished killing a chicken. I sat there plucking its feathers. “You must hate being a girl child, unfortunately killing a chicken is a job of a girl”, that day I felt something in your voice, whatever it was it was horrible, and it made me feel so unloved. I couldn’t answer, I fought back the tears and looked down. Yes, mum, you were right, I hated being a girl child, especially in Zimbabwe.

In primary school, one thing which gave me joy apart from reading books was singing. I loved singing hymns. I would come home and sing the hymns loudly.  One day you heard me sing, and you started laughing. You laughed so hard and said I had the voice of a frog, and I couldn’t sing. I can still hear your laughter today.

I went back to school, and during assembly, I couldn’t sing anymore. I was afraid people would hear my voice like a frog and laugh at me.  My heart would start to beat so fast, as though it was about to explode. The hymns I used to enjoy suddenly turned into a symbol of fear. I would feel something so terrifying, that was my first experience of unexplained fear. Since then I was afraid of a lot of things. It’s only when I grew up that I learnt that it was my first experience of many panic attacks to come.

I felt scared that people would hear my horrible voice. So I started to stammer. I was afraid that I would never speak again.

One day I came home and I couldn’t speak anymore.  You shouted at me and beat me up. You said I was now like a cripple. You said I was stammering on purpose and you did not give birth to such a disable. You called me ‘chirema’.

But mummy, I wasn’t stammering on purpose, I couldn’t speak anymore. And I was so scared. I wanted you to tell me everything was going to be okay, but you beat me.

It hurt that my siblings would laugh at me. I never saw the world the same again. Everything became cruel. I felt so alone. I would go and sit outside and imagine another world. The world outside of Zimbabwe where I would be a princess and loved. A world where I would be normal and not be a ‘cripple’ or stammerer.

The only thing that comforted me was my power of imagination. I drew beautiful girls with happy faces. But I discovered I could do a lot more with the pen. So I started to write. The pen became my only freedom of expression. I wrote myself letters. Love letters. I would read the letters and feel some form of justice, even though I knew the letters were not real.

Every time you hurt me mummy, I used to write. When I wrote I felt better.

When I was 16, I remember one day you walked past me in town. I couldn’t believe you could not even show me affection in the street.

So I went home. That day I ran home.  I had always said to my siblings that I am going to kill myself. I never really meant it, I would say this to try and get your affection and sympathy. But it never worked, you would say to me that if I wanted to die I needed to go into the forest where I would die alone and no one would help me.

So this day I thought of your words, as I ran home, for the first time in my life, I wanted to die. There was no one at home. I took some rat poison. I tried to drink it. It was so hot it burnt my mouth. I tried again, then a thought came to me. ‘I will not die, but I will live. One day I will leave this horrible country and go to the UK, and one day I will be someone” That thought was so powerful in my head. Somehow it stopped me from swallowing the rat poison that day.

Mummy, today people don’t understand me, but none of them has walked in my shoes, even for a day. They can’t understand why I have disowned Zimbabwe. They say the cruellest things about me. But it doesn’t hurt that much, the only person who ever had that power to hurt me was you and it made me stronger. Zimbabweans are insulting me, saying Zimbabwe is my motherland. They are saying kusina mai hakuendwe. (You can never go where there is no mother)

But I do not have a motherland. The only thing that saved me from dying in Zimbabwe at the age of 16 was that I had hope that one day I would leave.

That hope manifested and at 17 dad bought me a ticket to come to the UK. That was one of the best thing to ever happen to me. Leaving Zimbabwe.

When I got married and my mother-in-law could not accept me, you said it was my own bad luck (munyama).

All my life I believed I was cursed with the curse of being unlovable. I blamed myself for anyone who was mean to me. I thought God did not love me because I was such a bad person. If my own mother could not love me unconditionally, how could anyone else love me?

You said my lips were too big. You said my legs were deformed. You said my eyes were too big. You said my hair comes too much in my face. You said when I laugh I look like a mad woman, kunge munhu asina kukwana. You said my teeth were horrible. When I looked in the mirror I saw something beyond love.

My ex-husband used to say if your own mother can not love you, don’t you think it’s you with the problem. In court he tried so hard to have my children removed from my care, he would use you as his strongest weapon. He said I did not know how to love, because I had issues with my own mother. He would say how could his family be blamed for not ‘loving me’ when my own family could not love me.

When my ex-husband said I was mad, you were the first person in this world to believe him. But mummy I too have daughters and no man will ever come to me and tell me that my daughter is crazy.

After I divorced, you told me that no young man could ever love a woman like me, a divorcee with many children. You told me that from now my portion was old sugar daddies, for I was now a reject.

That day I learnt to fight you back, not physically, but in my spirit. I rebuked all the curses you ever proclaimed on me. I went in the next room, and I said I won’t cry. I said a prayer, that my portion will never be old men. And guess what mummy, today I have a young man, he makes me laugh so hard, and he tells me that I am beautiful every day.  His people too, they don’t hate me, they find me lovable.

The last time I came to Zimbabwe in 2011, I brought the children to you so you could see them. I had a two-year-old, a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old. It was hard with no water or electricity in Zimbabwe. But you said you would never touch my children, bath them or feed them unless I was sick.  You said when I was giving birth to all those children, who did I expect to help me?

That trip to Zimbabwe and all that went on still haunts me and the children today. I would sit beside the borehole and cry, I would listen to the still water as I sat on the green grass. I believe I felt exactly how David felt when he wrote psalm 23. I would miss my home England. I said to myself I will never come to Zimbabwe again.

Mummy I want to thank you, you taught me how to believe.

When I came to the UK, I heard a musician called Enya. Her music delivered me. Her song ‘May It Be’, is one of the greatest songs ever sung…it goes something like this…

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home
Believe and you will find your way
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadow’s call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

I know you dont support what I do, or believe in my gift of writing. But you taught me how to use the pen to express myself. I have been hurt by a lot of people mummy, and not once have you ever comforted me or wiped my tears. You never allowed me to cry. But you taught me how to survive.

Most importantly you taught me how to be a mother. You taught me never to cause division among my children. You taught me never to talk bad about any of my children to their siblings. You taught me to love each child individually. You taught me to listen to my children. To understand them. To hug them. To kiss them. To know their strengths and weaknesses. To know their star, and help them shine. I never want any of my children to feel what I have felt all my life, not even for one second.

You say I am the worst of your children, but I know in my heart I have done the most for you.  I hate Zimbabwean culture because daughters are blamed for being unloved. We can’t speak about it because it’s taboo.

But today mummy, I have broken that chain that has kept me shackled all my life. I don’t know but I feel the sound of rain. I am free.

I am not cursed, or unlovable, I am Just Jean.

#PS I have not betrayed you mummy, all my life I have protected you. I have always put you first. But one day, when we were in the kitchen, when I was asking you why you don’t love me and curse me, you said if I wanted to write a book and tell the whole world that you were a bad mom, I could go ahead and you couldn’t care less. Mummy, I just did.

 

82 thoughts on “To My Mummy…”

  1. Hi Jean

    I feel sorry for what you went through and I now fully understand where you are coming from and why you hate Zimbabwe so much.When I read your post yesterday “WHY I AM NO LONGER ZIMBABWEAN”I could not understand why your husband said you are a strong woman but now I believe you are.You are because very few people can survive this kind of rejection especially from your own mother.May the Lord heal your heart that you may forgive those who wronged you for they didn’t know what they were doing.

    We love you as Zimbabwe and forgive us for we have failed you.

    Your brother

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  2. I remember you at primary school ..tall ,slim, beautiful and a lovely smile and a glint in her eyes .Funny enough I still remember you as that girl . I would have never guessed this is what home was like .

    What I want to say is please Jean ..forgive her . Hurting people hurt people . From what you have said her childhood was probably no better ,that’s probably how her own parents treated her and she didn’t or doesn’t know any better . Or she might not even want to know and do better .She’s in bondage ..bound by anger ,fear ,pain ,hate whatever her past or current experiences are they rule her . But you have been blessed to know better . Write a book yes I agree this is a story that needs to be told . But let go of the pain and anger . Forgive her not because she asked for forgiveness, but so you can release yourself and allow yourself to bloom permanently.Don’t allow feelings of hurt and anger toward her take residence in your heart …it’s a waste of space . At the same time you need to keep boundaries …protect yourself and your children from her .keep yourself and your children away from her until or if ever she changes .
    God loves you dear and I know you know it …but you will never fully experience the full measure of his love until you unburden yourself of the pain and hurt your past has dealt you . It’s a process and you can’t do it alone …only through Christ can we forgive like he did . Which man would look down at the people who have just dealt him so much pain and ask God to forgive them even as he is still experiencing that pain. Allow the Holy Spirit to do its work in you Jean . You deserve so much more ,so much more joy peace love . It’s all yours for the taking .
    Sent with love and prayers from a sister who once walked and talked and laughed and even worked with you😊😊 .

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  3. …reminds me of Dambudzo Marechera’s House of hunger and his other book , Mind blast… I dont Mind reading one of your novels one day

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  4. Wakuzviwanza mwana wamai.enda zvakanaka.dont write rubish about our mother pliz.shamhu yaMwari ichakuranga.ko baba watakura here kuGhana?shaa Nino has a family and he will never leave them even for u.l always kept quiet uchingonyora yr rubish.who are u kugarotadzirwa.ukarambwa kuGhana go hang or get an American this tym.munoipedza nyika muchichinja identity.pawakawana baba fadzi inga waiti hakuna murume Akadai.musapisa musha vakoma.u are loved by all of us but wakaoma.handikuchemi chero ukaenda Ghana but just a word of advise as l feel pity for u.chero ini ndinyore ndichatyei wanyora amai vedu.pawatovanyora wanyora tose.unorohwa neshamhu yaMwari chete.l pity yr kids vanogara in isolation because of their mother.endai zvakanaka.zvikanetsako musadzoke.you got three sets of fathers pavana vako and unogona kuita wechifour saka usafunga kuti zvawapechithree nyika yaguma.hauna respect sisi.unonyadzisa.enda zvakanaka write the truth about yr life not to blame people who are not to be blamed.uchareurura hako choripo chaicho not those lies.nxaaa panamai vedu wandibhowa.l stand for my mother nuangwe dai vaiva muroi.vamwe havatona wekuti amai.ndinyore hako Jean but uchatanda botso chete.until u are back to yr senses.Go well my one and only sister but mind wat u say..zvikanetsa ikoko go hang

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    1. Kundai well said you can’t shambadza your mum like that someone who carried you nine months fed you made sure you had clothes on your back you had a roof and food to eat. At first I thought Jean was a victim but I see she is starting to Victimise people’s that love her unconditionally. The chickens she is talking about didn’t she eat them. You don’t talk like that about your mother nometer what. Your mother is. no other mother can replace her. again pa anyora apa ndamupata condem pa ati she drank rat poison and it tasted bitter and it burnt my tongue that is a lie she is trying look for sympathy Apa I don’t think a normal person can right such rubbish about their mother if she continues righting this kind of dirty I see her in a mental institution in the coming years she must be careful very careful of who she bad mouths not your mum

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    2. Nonsence Kundai
      Yu are exactly like my sister Alice
      And jean in this case is me,
      Experience is the same as jean,I mean exactly the same.
      I’m going to respond to yu” Alice”
      Yu manipulated mai to hate me because of your jelas.
      I did more for mai that yu and your other siblings.
      And that brewed jelas, yu naming me the black sheep of the family
      What about yu,
      Yu were mom s favorite by dissing me to mom.
      Yu are an idiot Alice I want Satan to punish yu,
      In this case alice is yu Kundai, exactly the same,
      Jean delete comment yakundai it’s rubbish
      Alice is rubbish, a jelas bitch Alice is

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    3. Thank you for that Kundai…Tete is a wonderful person and we love her dearly.
      Let’s leave everything in God”s hands

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    4. I am sorry kundai but your comments are soo insensitive you put your own dissapointment with how your mother is portrayed above your siblings pain..
      .she’s in pain don’t you see..rise above it and stop being so selfish..if you have it together then help her get it together or leave her alone but don’t invalidate her experience! That will do nothing for the both of you. It’s your sibling / sister you criticise publicly like this …..shame on you for not finding it in you to love her enough to rise above this shame on you!

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    5. Iwe Kundai, I thank God you aren’t my sister. You do need love too because it seems its short from your side. Jean may be lying but from your reaction it actually shows that she wasn’t a loved child. Your bitterness towards your sister too is misdirected, perhaps it needs to be directed to your mum. If your mum had loved you, you would have reacted with love towards your sister. or you should be happy that your sister is happy with her man. Ende hauite! iyewe unevana vasina baba ande ukaroorwa kechitwo vanenge vave 2 varume. saka why are you throwing mud? Don’t you know that some will stay stuck on your hands. who wishes someone dead?? we see people dying every and we shed a tear, that make us human! are you human? wishing your own to go hang? How can you love even me an outsider if you don’t love your blood. That Jean was merely saying what she experienced. And I’m 95 % what she said happened did happen because I saw such experience with my own 2 big eyes. You see my Aunt had 5 children but she didn’t love them equally. She hated Charles nemoyo wose, humiliating him, making fun of him telling him how ugly he was, how he was never to marry anyone because irombe and the other siblings were laughing wih their mum. Its a long story but but he is the one supporting the whole family after years of shitting on each other. nhasi aa bro Charles hanzi maita ka nhai Mukanya, ndakaseka ndikati aikazve nhasi ave kukudzwa kutodeidzwa nemutupo imi makamudzinga pamba penyu muchiti atizirwa saka haagare pangu ppamba.

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    6. Your mother is an evil women. I have always wondered what sin Zimbabwe committed to be punished by God the way it is. Now the jury is out. God is punishing Zim because of your evil mother and her like. At least now know and we can direct our repetence to Hesi and vekudira Vanhuvaone urine. We stand with you my sister Jean, we are your new family. Like mother like Kundai.

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    8. I really felt disgusted by such writings no matter what she says i know to many pple its bullcrap. Wanyafadzwa neiko nhaiwe hapana zvawanyora apa. Rega kufariisa zvinosvika apa. Apa ndipo pawatamba nematope pasina mvura ko zvino kana tavakunzwa kuti unevana vanemadzibaba matatu akasiyana topaka mai vako nyakubereka mhosva. Rega kufarisa zvinosvika apa matyewe sekunyora kwaita hama yako iyo famba zvakanaka usatitukire vanamoms vedu vaitidzidzisa mabasa tichikura kuti titi vakakanga vakaipa. Tiriko kunyikamukanza hapana chinoshamisa neculture yavo vanezvavanoita zvatisingaiti kwedu kumusha. Iwewe kana wagara ingogarako tinewohama dzakaroorwako kuGhana varikuzhamba nemabatirwo avarikuitwako saka usati iwe kana wakawana vanokuda zvoita sekuti kwako kwawakaberekwa uchibva pekare hakuna varume kana anamai vakanaka sevawakasangana navo ikoko. Iiiii ita mushe iwe Jean kudai mai vako vaisakuda zvenashuwa sekutaura kwawaita apa ungadai wakafa in yo infancy rega kudaro matyewe. Vanogaona kureva zvavo vakataura kuti karma is a bi*** nhaika uchazofunga nezvemashoko ako awanyora apa coz zuro haasi nhasi asi anosvika hake nhasi wacho. Nyora utsvage fame and fortune but not matsvagire seauri kuita ayaa wakaoma wena i have daughters i cannot imagine my own daughter saying something like this about me. Kunyange ndiipe sei i do not expect my daughter to do this to me. I rest my case.

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    9. Kundai you are trash .You coming to her blog and bashing her like that just shows that what she is saying is true .You and your mum are both evil .Jean you deserve a better family .Dont go back to Zimbabwe because its not your motherland .Its only motherland when you have a mother there and evidently you dont .Find your mother in Ghana or whereever in the world you feel accepted and rooted .Make as many mistakes as you want .We will never judge you .
      Pasi na Kundai ,pasi naBren .

      Bring it on girl

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  5. Hi Jean.

    I have been following you for sometime on Facebook. I am reading this article in the office and I am fighting tears. I am sorry about your experience. I am glad that you are a survivor. Very few people gets to realise that we have the ultimate power over anyone else. Your boss, your parent, your spouse, government, strangers etc. can do anything to you, however you have the power to decide what to do next. This power is very important as it distinguishes a survivor from a victim.I wanted to comment on your Facebook post about your previous article on why you no longer consider yourself Zimbabwean. I failed to comment due to settings on your facebook.

    Your writings has had a positive impact on my life. My two favourite articles are “Why I now longer complain to white people about racism” and “Why I will not forgive a person who is not sorry”. Regarding your post about why you no longer consider your self to be Zimbabwean, I was once in that boat. In August 2007, I collected my work permit at SA embassy in Harare and arrived in Pretoria. I no longer wanted to be associated with Zimbabwe. I had resigned from my job three months earlier to concentrate on my businesses. I was working as a branch manager for an Insurance company in Bulawayo and my businesses where in Mutoko and Macheke. The salary did not make any sense and I was losing so much money by not concentrating on my business and I then resigned around May 2007. Whilst I was serving my notice, there was this massive price control clampdown from the government and I lost almost everything and my manager was also arrested and taken to court during the price control blitz.

    I had to start from scratch in a foreign country and I was prepared even to work as a waiter. If I had found any takers, I could have sold everything in Zimbabwe as I never wanted to be associated with such a cruel country. Anyway within 3 months, I discovered that life as a foreigner is the hardest thing you can do especially in a developing country. Almost 10 years later, I get reminded everyday that as a foreigner that I do not belong. My education and experience does not count for much and the constant answer I get is No. I have had the most unpleasant experience with Home Affairs department almost every time I went to renew my permit or apply for another resident permit. At first I used to get offended but I got over it. Ever since I left in 2007, I am on my second passport which is aso almost full. I go home at least once every month, most holidays and whenever I am on annual leave. Although life in Zimbabwe is getting tougher every time I go there, I know there is no other place for me. I have built myself a little house that I could afford and I have tried many ventures that have failed spectacularly. The one thing that is constantly on my mind is when will I go back home for good. I realized that my going back home to Zimbabwe has nothing to do with whether Mugabe and Zanu-pf is in power or not. I have the power to decide what I do with my life. I am so sick of the crime here in South Africa.

    Whether in future you decide to call yourself Zimbabwe home again that will be your own decision. Remember the saying ” a wise man can change his mind, a fool never will”. However to someone like me, you will always remain a role model, a strong black woman. I will continue following your writings even if I know that I will not always agree with everything you write. I have been married for almost 16 years and my wife does not always agree with me and that is okay. People must realize that we should not always agree, look in Africa presidents stuff their cabinets with yes men and this is the reason there is no progress in Zimbabwe. That is one tragedy in Zimbabwe people expect you to either be pro or anti Zanu-pf. The truth is that you need diverse opinions, I support MDC but I have strong dealings with people that support Zanu-pf.

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  6. I have to say in life sometimes it’s important to let things go. When we have our own awakenings we need to still be mindful we don’t hurt others. I am also a Zimbabwean woman who grew up a Zim girl and experienced some of what you described happened to you. I spent a lot of time quite angry and I believe even to this day there are somethings I’m working through. I have decided to take responsibility for myself and my emotions that as an adult … I will heal and forgive and at the same time not cause hurt to those who hurt me . I really believe when these things were happening, when these things were said … these people did not know any better and were simply parenting out of their ignorance or their own experience … I strongly believe some Zim mothers say some very hurtful things and have no awareness of the result … it’s accepted within the culture and the traditions and until they know better or have their own awakenings they simply repeat the pattern. I have learnt to put boundaries around my heart and my family …to stand up for my kids and for myself … so while I may not revisit the painful things that went on in my own childhood with the relevant perpetrators … I have revisited them myself and spent time healing from them and then I’ve let those people go in my heart and now have defined relationships with them which I manage because I know the way they are. I have also chosen to parent differently and I constantly reflect and adjust when I’m going off course … I think you are very talented in your writing but to use your talent to hurt … to go back and expose … that does not show a person who has growth… to have growth is to use your past to propel yourself into your destiny … look at Oprah… she makes reference to what happened but she doesn’t dwell on it … Joyce Meyer … they all experienced some terrible things … they make reference to it but they don’t stay there … they use it and they are focused on how to touch the world and how to change things so other women and children don’t every experience the same … you clearly have a testimony but you may need some guidance to tease out what you are being called to do…. the bible which you make reference to talks about … honour your father and mother … it doesn’t say agree with everything they do … doesn’t even really say spend loads of time with them I don’t think … but I believe in honouring they God was saying… don’t bring dishonour to them … writing about your mother in this way while she is still alive is bringing her dishonour …Also the lens you choose to see things through can decide how you respond and react … I’m always mindful my childhood wasn’t all bad … we laughed and did fun things and joked and had good times … it’s all a choice . If you choose to remember the bad times more strongly than the good times you will always be angry and will hurt forever and hurt people … hurt people …

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  7. Also read this blog and it pains me that you went through all this Jean. I think most of our Zim mums were unhappy themselves and maybe were hurting too as most of the comments have pointed out. I agree with Chinhoyi re honouring our parents. Just love your mum as she is hey. Unconditionally without expecting much from her. She may still love you and probably always did love you but in her own way.

    Kudos to you for choosing to live cos now you are blessing us with your writing. I even read a comment from your brother (i think) before it was removed and all I can say is I wish you all the best hey. Remember what God has cursed, no man can curse and you are and will always be the blessed one of God. Just continue being the best mum to your own kids and keep writing.

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  9. Kundai Gasho,

    Please allow me to respond to your posting. I should say from the outset that I will not attack you or Jean, not at all. I am seeking to maybe let you see what I see as a non-family member individual, reading both your and Jean’s posts.

    Maybe I should declare my potential biases and ‘interests’ upfront, and you will both understand why I am doing so. I am a man, originally from Zimbabwe, now British, a Christian (Pentecostal), to mention a few. I do not know Jean, and it was only yesterday that her writing on why she is no longer Zimbabwean popped up somehow when I was online, I read it (and of course had various opinions, thoughts and feelings about what she wrote there, which I guess she wouldn’t mind, given she made her writing public). I have since gone on to read several of her articles, including googling her name and reading stuff dating back several years, making for some sad, unpleasant and unfortunate reading. I did this because after reading several of her writings, I became curious of as to ‘who is this fiery woman!!?’. As you will know, a lot seems to have been said about her as well as by her.

    All in all, however, I think it is fair to establish a few things that most people would agree on:

    1. Jean has been through a lot. Whether what is said (in the public domain) about her or by her is accurate / factually correct at all times or not, the bottom line is, she has been through tough times. Tough times don’t really matter whether what’s said about you is true or not, they are just tough.

    2. Whether one agrees with her or not, one has to concede that Jean has to be a strong woman and strong person to still be standing (whichever way she is standing, but standing she is). Let’s give that to her.

    3. Jean is a great writer. Articulate, readable, fluent and flowing. Irrespective of the content, which some people may agree with and some won’t, some will like and others will find revolting. I personally agree with some of her content in some cases, and in others I totally disagree with her. Yet still, she writes well, whatever she writes, and good for her. What more, she tells us how she used and developed her writting to cope with difficult times. Let’s wish her well on that gift, and hope it takes her even further and higher. If she is already far and high, let’s hope and pray it keeps her there.

    4. Jean is opinionated. And she wears her heart on her sleeves.

    If I can then turn to your response, Kundai. My observation is that you seem to feel aggrieved about what Jean has written about your guys’ mother, and you sound quiet unhappy with it. The trouble I have with that, is that on reading Jean’s article, she seems to have merely reported what her (yours too) mother did or said to her, and how she (Jean) felt about it and what she thinks it did to her mentally, emotionally and otherwise.

    One wonders then, as to what it is that is annoying you, or that which you are disagreeing with. Is it the facts of what her mother did and said?, or is it how those deeds and words affected her (Jean)? Either way, it is hard for me to see what it is that you say you are defending your (and Jean’s) mother on. Jean seems to be saying that this is her experience of her mother. If you have a different experience about your guys’ mother, that too is valid experience. None of your guys’ experiences of your mother de-validates the other. Your experiences are not mutually exclusive. They can exist concurrently, without interfering with or negating each other. As such, I suggest maybe Jean needs to be ‘allowed’ to have the feelings and thoughts that she has about her own experiences. How about if you let her be, my sister.

    Jean talks about, for example, how she felt about her being made to slaughter a chicken, and the words that were said to her about it. How she felt about her being laughed at for her singing voice. How she was treated for her physical features, including her stammer. She talks about words and actions towards her later in life when she visited with her children, and how this has made her feel and think. Of course I cannot defend the accuracy or otherwise of her reporting and re-telling the stories, but, she seems to be simply reporting what she saw, felt, and heard, and how this has shaped her perspective of things. She does not seem to be attacking her (and your) mother, or yourself even.

    Your posting, Kundai, seems to be slightly more aggressive than Jean’s, in a way. For example, you mention about the number of fathers to her children, in a derogatory tone and as somewhat of a slur. And I ask myself, buy why say that to someone, and your own sister for that matter? If she was unfortunate to get into bad relationships (including where she may have had her own share of blame), that can happen to anyone, yourself included. Remember 1 Corinthians 10:12, where Paul says to those who think they are standing strong, they too need to be careful, least they too fall. If it has not happened to you (yet), do not sneer or mock those that have been unfortunate to experience these kinds of circumstances, because it can happen to anyone.

    Jean seems to be expressing a lot of happiness with her current Ghanaian husband (aka Boaz / Nino), his family and his Ghanaian people. (By the way, I disagree with Jean’s characterisation of Zimbabweans, because there are examples of good Zimbabwean men, like myself). As I said, I do not know Jean, only read articles by and about her since yesterday, but, it’s so nice to see someone expressing love and feeling loved and appreciated by her husband and her in-laws. Especially when, according to her, she felt the opposite while in her previous relationship(s). Also, my contention to you, Kundai, is that if Jean said the same flamboyant and affectionate things about her ex while she was with him, as you say she did, that’s a good sign, I think. It’s a sign that she had mounted her hopes, wishes and aspirations on that relationship, which unfortunately did not work out. She was given to it totally, and was hoping and believing to live her dreams out in it. That can only be a good thing.

    Yes, as grownups we know that tomorrow cannot be predicted, even by the couple themselves, and it is not impossible to envisage that things may go sour (God forbid) in future, but, that doesn’t mean she must not fully enjoy her now moment. From what Jean is saying, Jean is in love, Jean is happy in her relationship, and that on its own ought to make us (the whole world!) happy. Love and happiness are rare these days, and when someone tells us they have found it, even momentarily, we need to celebrate with them.

    And then when you talk about ‘shamhu yaMwari’, that again is a difficult one, because we all know so little about God, often we are wrong anywhere. Because shamhu yaMwari tends to fall on all of us in an apparent ‘random’ manner. Me, you, Jean, your mother, and every one of us are subject to God’s mercies and whenever He decides (for whatever reason He so chooses) to bring down His shamhu, we cannot evade it. We have all equally sinned and we equally run short of the glory of God. There are none who are more deserving or more vulnerable to shamhu yaMwari than others. We have no right or power to assign it to others, its all for God, and Him alone, to do. Remember He makes the rain to fall among the righteous and among the wicked.

    You do mention that you love Jean, but I may be wrong, I dont feel that love in your posting.

    And also, please maybe if you don’t say to your sister kuti kana zvika netsa ikoko go hang. Or ‘handikuchemi chero ukaenda’. How do you think she feels reading those words?, loved and welcomed, or rejected and pushed even further away on top of what she already has described as her feelings and experiences. It sends a wrong message, my sister. It sounds like you are not happy that she is expressing her happiness, and as if you are waiting (and hoping) that her things don’t go well. That sounds to be the tone, there. Which raises concerns, such as kuti what if things don’t get to netsa ikoko, will you be happy for her, or will you be upset and keep waiting and hoping kuti something goes wrong so that you say ‘you see, I told you so’? If things do indeed get to netsa ikoko who should she turn to (maybe hence she is embracing her Ghanaian family, because she can then go to them instead, for support). No man or woman is an island. Not even Jean.

    (Ps: I wonder what would happen, Kundai, if you, myself and Boaz, etc. started a ‘we love Just Jean’ hashtag, and made it viral, showered her with love, loved her crazy, with 5 million likes!).

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    1. Yu took words exactly out of my mouth
      Thank yu for describing Alice who I share the same mother with,
      She is exactly like Kundai
      No answer to Kundai beats this,

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    4. Zibani Hlomani- awww beautiful and powerful words of wisdom there. You not subjective but objective in your analysis of the situation. Bless you and may the God Lord continue to use you mightly. Use the stick you have in your hand like Moses and part the red sea so others can have a safe passage. Welldone👌🏾

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  10. You can support her all you want you people but kwatiri enough is enough.if sisi vangu had hunhu vangadai vakatsvaga even my mother’s relatives to talk to about her stories not to write such rubish.no matter wat hakuna excuse ye kuita amai vako zvakadai.better dai Jean watuka hako ini or any of our brothers than my mother.christianity yamunotiudza vamwe pano muchidai vabereki.musi wauchapandukirwa nevawakabereka ndopauchaona kuti what goes around comes around.m not against my sister but paanyora amai akanganisa.l will repeat kuti anotanda botso nazvo.plus if going to Ghana ko why not change zita redu rekuti Gasho coz wawekuGhana.musade kufadzana muchiti she writes good things when she is writing rubish imi vanhu.l treasure my mother.amai vakatibereka.jean l feel pity for u kushambadza mai nemanyepo .wadi kunyora nyaya yako chaiyo.hanty uri munyori then write the truth.touch not our lovely mom.usaswerotenderera shaaa ini newe we know the truth nyora and then these commentators of yrs will know who u re and who to blame?jean my sister haapengi coz kana achiri kunzvenga nyaya dzakaitika onyora nhema then arikuziva what she is doing.why is she protecting the secrets.ukuda sympathy pasiripo Jean if u write the truth people will sympathize nechokwadi not these lies.infact u owe mother a huge apology.deep down in yr heart u know this so better usiyane nekuvanyebera above all u did.correct yrself before it’s too late

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    1. Welldone Kundai for standing for your mum. Even if her parenting was flawed, its what she knows. It takes you, her children to make her know better. When you go with your kids to visit her, talk nicely with your kids, listen to them, hug and kiss them. And thats how she will know a better way of doing it. Our Zim parents dont know any better, mostly you will find they never really listened to us, they were not good at showing love as in hugging or kissing. But that doesnt make them evil. They also asked us to slaughter chickens, that was a way of life. Your sister seems to have issues. But sometimes for her to understand, use the only way she does, write back. Tell your own side too. I have always felt she has deep issues she is not divulging but instead chooses to throw people who are close to her under the bus, and she does so wayyy to easily. I am not a prophet of doom, but I sense in the near future we will be reading about Nino when the tide changes on her.

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    2. Kundai: why cant you write the truth that you know she has lied about if you feel she has misrepresented the facts or better still the truth. You know what happened as you are not helping any matters. All that you have said about your sister could be well replaced by the truth you know but yet not ready to defend your mother with it- at least thats what i would have done in your situation instead of cursing and speaking ill words. Give the story the justice it deserves if you can and hold peace with the truth and wisdom you have hey. hope it makes sense as one day you may wake up and things will not be the same again and you wish you had done it differently. The world gives us so much option on which to choose from whatever you decide to do today will impact you tomorrow whether good or bad. Remember god does not look at our actions but the motive we have when we act as we cant lieto God. We can ask all the truth we believe is the truth but the total truth is known to God thats why we can curse and yet we see the same ppl we have cursed prospering and the same words will come right back to haunt us. Whatever is going on within your family choose to be the one to bring peace not ignite fire. Men are usually known to remain silent in situations and yet wiser in their actions not the other way round while on the other hand women are very responsive to situations like demand of a commodity to prize. The higher the price the lower the demand and mutatis-mutandis. When we are hurt inside we respond accordingly but those who care will attend to it and those that dont care will say you crazy and mad and unresonable thats why ppl who get raped and abused continue to go in silent and suffer with trauma theoughout their life and not able to enjoy life because of ppl with a judgemental attitude. Approach the subject from its root/source and you will be able to solve the problem. Talking the problem is not a solution. When the word of God says the man is the head of the family he meant that you have a higher authority and we have trust and confidence in you that when there is a conflict in the family the man has been given that responsibility to sort it out not to wag a tail along the way. Be wise in this situation Kundai for both the truth and decisions you make in resolving this matter. May God help your family.

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  12. Hold on……..brother Kundai. Birthing a child doesn’t make a person a mother. Raising a child, in love does. Mothers are meant to take the place of God on earth. Their role is to nature a child. I’m the absence of that naturing, the result is children like your sister. There is a lot of anger and resentment in your family. Deal with it. Apportion bland equally… start there. Don’t silence her issues with cultural threats. That won’t lead anywhere. You have no right to deny your sister’s pain. It is not yours to deny.
    May God lead your family.

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  14. Don’t stress Kundai, Jean would never understand where you are coming from. She has a heart of a stone and only sees her side of the story. Most Zimbabwean girl children at one point slaughtered chickens, did house chores and we were even called hatina kukwana by our mother’s. If we could all react to our mother’s because of what they did to us, then Jean you will learn a lesson very soon. You are a mother also. Hautaure as you did about your mother. Taitorohwawo, but you , you carried your bitterness too far. Kundai has every right to protect amai. Maoko kwauri Kundai. Never shame your parent, worse to the public zvawaita izvi. Children obey your parents in the Lord, as the word of God says. As a Christian hazvina kumbonzi only when they are good to you. Hope this is just a story and one from your imagination.

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  15. You all need Jesus’ bt for Jean’s life to be free she needs to offload her anger which she did so she can be at peace.i will personally pray for your family kuti the unconditional love that Jesus’ had for us may it be in your family.the love of Jesus. May God’s love cover your family.I wish you Jesus and more of His love.Be blessed

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  16. One thing i have learnt in life is it is very easy to criticize or ridicule other people coz u have never been in their shoes. Our mothers coz of ignorance of the word of God and not realising the effects of their words would say hurtful words to their children or curse their children unawares. My mum would insult me coz of my very dark complexion and believe u me that was very hurtful and i grew up resenting dark women . But in all these through life challenges she was the one who would go extra mile to stand with me . Our Lord Jesus Christ said forgive them for they do not know what they were doing . Today we are best friends coz i realised she did not know what she was doing, forgiveness is the key

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  17. Kundai go find Jesus. You are one heartless person. Infact you and your mother are same fanana. Munehutsinye. Siblings are there to protect each other and not put salt one old wounds. Tsvaga Jesu uite mushe.

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    1. This may be one of the things wrong with us. I look at her and see someone who was hurt, broken by her past. But because we pit mums on a pedestal, we respond negatively to a person who opens up about big hurt by their Zimbabwe an mums, I have now met enough young soma women whose mums emotionally abused them to realise that not everyone can celebrate mothers day with true joy and that merely carrying a child nine months doesn’t make you a great mother. Uite mushe!!? This is someone who was hurt. You may not understand it because may be like me you have a mother who made you feel safe. Someone who up to now will cheer me on even when I’m on the ground. So you may then think of how our culture says it’s a taboo to feel the way she does about her mum.

      But there are some mothers who treat their daughters like trash. Who make their own children feel rejected. Some have even forced their teen daughters into prostitution. So as a woman, don’t be quick to judge the one who is carrying hurt in her heart. Because God has taught me one thing over the past few years, that a mother’s rejection creates the deepest wounds a person can ever have and lead to far reaching consequences. So as a woman, as a mother remember it’s not enough to just have not aborted the pregnancy, yes we hail you for going through labour, but the rest of that child’s life is way more important and impact full than the nine months in your womb and the pain of labor. Dont expect your children to celebrate you, even when you treat them bad, merely because you carried the for nine months. Then those with abusive fathers might as well revere them and celebrate them because without their sperms conception would not have occurred.

      This is a woman, daughter, mother who needs healing from the dysfunctional relationship she had with her mother. As a Christian I’m not quick to condemn, but to seek healing if the broken hearted. I rest my case.

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  18. I have been following this Jean Gasho for a while now. While I agree that we all have the right to say our truth, I now believe she has a serious personality problem. Everyone who disagrees with her is wrong. And she has a thirst for fame and doesnt care at what cost that fame comes. She will easily throw anyone under the bus, for the sake of fame and for being right. Her mother in law was wrong, sisters in law were wrong, Walter Masocha, now we learn even her family is wrong! Thats way too many close people to say they are all wrong and she is right. When you read this article, there is nothing out of the ordinary, we all killed chickens even though we at soe point thought they were our pets – and we would later on enjoy the meat too. Our parents being Zimbo prioritised education, so it wouldnt be evil if a parents would discourage painting or story writing – it was what they knew. It was being number one in class, going to study medicine or law – thats all they knew. It only takes exposure to know that one can actually make a good living out of drawing. So our parents didnt know any better we cannot fault them for that. We should actually be grateful that eventually God blessed their broken parenting and led us to where we are right now in life. My mother didnt hug me too, she would say hurtful things to me too, but now that I know better, I do better. Do better Jean. If I can be honest with you, it seems you want fame and belonging so much that you will do everything it takes for it. Looking at your Masocha issue, while I dont condone his behaviour, you were looking for it too. All the emails, the phone calls, nemunhu waMwari, anosvikawo naye pakuedzwa. But since you were in competition to be closest to him, you went all the wayy. And when you suddenly realised kuti he was doing the same with vana vese vesangano, you were scorned. I am a christian myself and have seen people go out of their way to be of service in church. Tey go all out for the church while their own homes are on fire. For what? For fame nekuti ndizikanwe. Its misplaced allegiances. Kana uchiitira Mwari zveshuwa, pane kumwe kwausingasvike. I dont give offring that leaves me dry unless I have express order from God himself and I will do so and noone will know it was me. Why? I know humans and what they will do when they know how much you can give. Vanokuswededza padhuze and that I am careful not to do. Like Paul said ” being careful that I may gain the appreciation of men and be asked to stand aside by God” Nokuti you cannot fool God. What shall it profiteth a man, to gain the world yet lose your soul. Right now people will cheer you on for being brave and exposing your mum. The woman who gave birth to you! But Mwari vanotii nazvo. Someone said ” The greatest heroes are those who are fighting wars that we know nothing about” Kune vari in deeper shit with their moms, but instead vari kuzama every other recourse in private. Even Joseph, anonzi “he made up his mind that he would not expose Mary but rather do it privately” because he was a righteous man. Ko imimi zvekushambadza izvi makazviwanepi? I see it as thirst yekuda kuti blog riwane mbiri which implies a financial/fame gain somewhere. Kana pane zviri kunetsa, garai pasi mai vane kwavakaberekwa, mutaure nyaya yacho. Whether you like it or not, you remain Zimbabwean, your roots are there.

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      1. Angela,,

        Your position, (in saying you have never heard Jean say anything good about anyone and therefore she needs help) looks to be quiet weak and ilogical, for two main reasons:

        1. To follow your logic, given I have never – never ever – heard you say anthing good about anyone, does that mean you need help? I gues not.

        2. In any case, on this very article that we are discussing, you are either not aware of or you are deliberately ignoring paragraphs 3 and 4. Right there Jean says so many good things about her mother. Words that most mothers long to hear. Just read those two paragraphs again, and you will be moved by the good things she says about and to her mother, for starters. I can point you to countless other great things that she says about so many people (which she apparently gets derided and insulted for at times) elsewhere.

        Thus, she probably doesn’t “need help” after all.

        If people remove the blinkers from off their eyes, and see Jean for who she truely is, just Jean, they may realise what a hearty, open, beautiful, loving, and pleasent personality she is.

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  19. Jean
    When reading your story I found that you are an attention seeker chete chete. You blame everyone else but yourself. If my sibling spoke like that abt our mum taitopedzerana-why?
    •so your mum made you kill a chicken so what? rose takapfura neko and we never contemplated suicide
    •So your mum vakakutuka? So what? Tose takatukwa but never rushed for rat poison
    If your mum didn’t love you then she would not have put clothes on your back, food in your tummy or educate you so u can be able to write so eloquently.
    No matter how much you want to strip yourself of being Zimbabwean u will always be Zimbabwean not British my dear. Dai rose taingomuka tichiti am Australian now zvakatotifairawo. Rukuvhute rwako is in Zim so no matter what you say u are but being born in Zim has defined the woman u are good and bad so vakoma stop being ignorant you will never wash away the Zimbabwean blood that runs in your veins ramai vamurikumhura pano.
    Kana maenda England majaira kinda kuma psychiatrist session and get a white perspective of life mokanganwa your position semwana in the African dynamics then shame stereki. Ndiko kurwara nepfungwa kwacho. Identity crisis is a disease- Jean wishing u a speeding recovery mwana wevhu😚

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  20. KUNDAI GASHO

    It’s amazing you still call Jean your sister. By definition you truly hate her with your mother.
    When I look into what you have written, it shows you helped your mother to hurt her more and you are the loved one. By implication, you jealous your own sister a lot.

    One thing you have to know if your sister has even committed the worst sin against you or your mother, she has to love her like what a normal mother will do.

    Varoyi!!!

    Tell the world where you Kundai and your mum went to about Jean. Didn’t you visit muroyi chiremba? Your mother sleeps and plot evil against her own daughter.

    Ask you mother why she can’t stand Jean and she will tell you it’s because all the evil she planned against her failed.

    If you want dates and times for whatever activity you and your mother did against Jean, I am ready to provide them.

    Dear Jean, keep writing and know that we love and support you in prayers

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  21. Pattani irikubuda apa, ndeyemunhu ane, personality disorder, Jean dai watsvaga rubatsiro. When you have a problem with everyone or most people you’ve had dealings with, then maybe it’s time to look within. Introspection is definitely needed.

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  22. Kundai,
    You were clearly your mother’s gem and were there to laugh and jeer when your mother said things about Jean.

    My mother was a loving person and she loved me uncinditionally. I owe who i am today to her prayes and would never exchange her for another BUT, when i was younger, my mother would clearly show her affection towards my siblings. I sometimes felt neglected, at one point she told my siblings that i’m a fool, probably in her anger over something, i dont believe she meant it but it stuck with my younger siblings and they kept reminding me.

    She would say things that made my siblings lose respect for me and in their eyes i was a failure, it took life experience to teach them and show them that i was infact actually a fighter.

    At school as a boarder, my friends mums used to do things for them that my mother didnt do for me, not because she couldnt but in the name of kusajaidza mwana.

    All this, i believe she did out of love so i would grow to be a responsible adult though i believe it was not the correct way. But i will not overlook the good that outweighs the bad. She loved me so much though i felt she loved the little ones a little more. At one point i became an isolted member of the family and in a way i still am because though i grew up in a loving family….those little speed bumps made me slightly bitter.

    I will say it again. My Mum is a beautiful person inside and out but like any human she is not perfect. I might not entirely understand how Jean feels, but i do get a little of it because i know how it feels to be labelled a black sheep even if you are trying.

    I know how it feels to have your mother vent or misjudge you to your siblings and watch them lose respect for you and ridicule you.

    Kundai, i urge you to sit with your sister and understand her side of the story. Dont keep mocking and hurting her and wishing the demise of her happy marriage.

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    1. True rutty, I might not agree with her antics, but I do feel sorry for her. This family setup has been dysfunctional and needs healing. No mother is perfect, but when it gets to a point where a child feels totally rejected by you as a mother, then it has become very dysfunctional and unhealthy

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  23. Jean Gasho, you have serious issues my dear you need help. Please answer me the following questions?
    You have issues with your mother?
    You have issues with your family members?
    You have issues with ex in laws?
    You have issues with ex husband?
    You have issues with baby father?
    You had issues with Masocha and his church?
    You have issues with your country/nationality ?
    You seem to go on about happiness if were happy you don’t need to parade it in that manner something deep inside you is seriously wrong.
    You have no inner peace you are at war with everyone it’s a matter of time God forbid it goes wrong ku Ghana 🇬🇭 ikoko.
    Next thing is you are going to kill yourself at this rate you are not a happy soul, you are bitter and damaged goods, what really happened to you because this can’t be about killing chickens and doing chores there is more to it than you are letting out, come to think of it even if you answer me all of the above I can’t help you and no one on this platform is qualified to help you, Go to your GP and talk through the trauma that you have gone through and get professional help before it’s too late. you are damaged goods, #team jean can sympathise with you get a billion likes on Facebook or billion comments feeling sorry for you it will not heal the trauma that you went through. Come clean to yourself and say it’s time to deal with my traumatic experience that is haunting you. I pray to God that one day you will be healed and have inner peace with yourself. How many times have you tried to kill your self here in the UK? Again I know, don’t bother to answer, This was nothing to do with your mom, It’s time to deal with your issues stop kidding yourself and go back to your mother and speak to her, the problem is you can’t because you are always right ever since I started following you, you have never taken any advice from anyone, it’s always me me me me and you know it all. it’s time, God Bless you, hope you can recover from this self distraction. For once take a step back and back look your self in the mirror take responsibility and stop blaming everyone else and you are always right.

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    1. Munetsi,,
      Just to answer the questions that you pose to Jean,
      1. Yes, she has issues with her mother, as is evident in this very blog entry. She has made efforts to resolve these but unfortunately has been unsuccessful.
      2. Depending which family you are asking about, but I suppose you mean her birth family. Again, yes she does, but more so, from the siblings responses here, it looks like they too have issues (if not more and deeper) issues with her.
      3. You pose seperate questions about her ex, ex in-laws, and ‘baby father’, which I think you do so as to try to exagerate and expand the list to make it look rediculously long. But, the issue thee is more basic, i.e. Jean, like most people, does have issues with her ex(s) and their families. Nohing new or ridiculous there, I mean, if not, then they wouldnt be ex(s) would they?
      4. Yes, Jean and others have issues with Masocha and that church.
      5. If not wanting to be Zimbabwean any more, and not liking the Zimbabwean culure is having issues with her country/nationality then I gues the answer is yes. But again, that is surely not anything new or unique to Jean. There are laws on how one can change nationality – when they so choose, and this is because people change nationalities virtually everyday, in their droves. Jean is just one of many.
      5. Finally, if I may say, no, Jean will not kill herself. That looks like a drastic jump from not getting on with, say, her ex, then to potentially killing herself. She did in the past (as she says) allude to it, but she didnt mean it, apart from the rat poison incident, which she pulled herself back from anywhere. So, no, rest assured Jean will not.

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  24. Dear all,,

    Having read entries and responses above, please allow me to respond in this way to the accusations being levelled against Jean:

    1. The insulting her mother accusation. As I and others have asked previously, I ask again, where has she insulted her mother in her entry here? Some of us (possibly Jean as well) we genuinely do not see the insults. What has she said which is an insult? I suggest none. I suggest Jean has not insulted her mother, or anyone for that matter, on this blog entry. I can clearly see she (Jean) has been insulted and threatened numerous times, but she herself has not insulted anyone.

    2. The attention seeking accusation. It is suggested that Jean has reported being mistreated by several people on different occasions, and as such, that is evidence that she is to blame for it all, and that its her way of seeking attention. I disagree with that logic. In fact, I disagree with the suggestion that that is a logical conclusion. Being mistreated by one person(s) does not make it impossible to be mistreated by another. Less likely?, maybe. Impossible?, no. As such, the suggestion that this is evidence that Jean will throw anyone under the bus for publicity is incorrect.

    3. The “we too were tukwa’d..” reasoning. To this I say:
    (a) This actually proves that Jean’s story is not too far departed from reality and likelihood, as several others have confirmed they too were treated in similar manner by their own (Zimbabwean) mothers.
    (b) The fact that others seem to have responded differently to this type of treatment does not require Jean to respond as they did. Jean responded as only Jean could. (And could it be that those who are upset by Jean’s response they themselves have raw nerves that she has touched by expressing and articulating her case in a way that they probably wish they did theirs, but they couldn’t because it was somewhat a taboo to do so).

    4. The ‘heart of stone’ accusation. On the contrary, Jean seems to have a heart of (closer to) gold. In the face of all the insults, anger, hatred, etc., she still finds it in her to love her husband, children, in-laws, her own family, and even extending her daughterly and sisterly hand to her family.

    5. A few Bible references have been alluded to by others, and I wish to touch on these as well, particularly the “Children obey your parents…” reference.

    There are two passages of scripture that mirror each other on this:

    • Ephesians 6, where verse 1 instructs children to obey their parents “in the Lord”, and verse 2 and 3 instruct them to honour their parents. But verse 4 is also crucial there, which instructs parents not to “exasperate” their children. (Then there is verse 5, which seems to condone slavery). And,,

    • Colossians 3, where verse 20 instructs children to obey their parents,, verse 21 instructs parents not to “embitter” their children, least they will be “discouraged”. (Again the next verse, verse 22 goes on to condone slavery).

    That said, Jean seems to have done as required of her, i.e. obeyed her mother (maybe even obeyed too much, to her own detriment), and honouring her mother (e.g. taking her kids to go visit her mother).

    Finally, while we are on Bible references, when Jean says she is no longer Zimbabwean, she seems to me to be taking a noble stance, committing herself to her own Boaz in the likeness of Ruth 1: 16 “Where you go I will go; where you stay I will stay” (even if its in Ghana!!) “your people shall be my people…”.

    You know, Jean is not an angel, and she never will be. She does not even seem to claim she is one. But,, She is just Jean, trying hard in life.

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  25. Kundai Gasho why not let Jean have a mother too. Haunyare here iwe. Muroyi. How can you say to hang to your own sister I anything happens to her ndiwe muroyi Kundai

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  27. Nyaya ino yanetsa. I’m reading this all the way from Australia and I am town between two opinions. Kundai Gasho you sound like one evil, black hearted stereotypical “abusive” Zimbabwean man. Judging from your words to your sister and your empty cultural threats.. i can only imagine the way you treat the women in your life. You also sound very uneducated, self righteous and pathetic. ugh..

    On the other hand.. Jean wacho you sound a bit like an attention seeker/personality disorder type. I also suspect you made this website in a bit of a controversial way to try and garner attention for your brand, and possibly your book that I’m guessing you will soon release. Which then makes me wonder.. Hmm

    So basically, I’m confused AF.. But nevertheless I will continue to sip my tea and watch the plot thicken.

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  29. Go for counselling and therapy Jean, this is not the right way to seek redress, parents are never perfect neither are you. To the rest of the family, please be patient with your sister, she will come around give her time. We all mature differently.

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    1. If you have a problem with everyone you come across then you need to look at yourself. Why does she have a problem with everyone including her mother.

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      1. Angela what you have to understand in life is the auro around you attract such. If you have been raped there is a high chance that you get raped again likewise if you have been married to an abusive man there is again a high chances that you will meet men with the same traits ndosaka uchizonzwa vamwe vakuti asi ndine munyama. There are things that were done to us that continue to follow us. The good example is rejection i have seen a lot of ppl who continue to suffer rejection where ever they go because of no relationship with biological parents for one reason or the other- the past experience and the words spoken against them by the people who had a duty to bless us. It is a reality that fortunately you may have not suffer it yourself and we thank God for that. Have you ever heard a phrase that history repeats itself -people continue to get pregnant outside marriages, divorces in the family, deaths in the family, single mothers continue to give birth to girls and the girls continue to get pregnant and the vicious circle continue, following certain pattern without even realizing its happening. Life is very much shaped with what we hear and believe because someone has said it and we believed them and we become that person that they spoken you to be unless you have to be strong enough and fight the negative energy. The negative energy around you atteacts another. Kune family yakatonzi yemahure bcz of having single parents but are they really mahure kana kuti its what is continually being prophesied to them -meaning spoken repeatedly prophetically in a negative way. Be blessed.

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      2. I understand what you are trying to say Farai but this is different. This woman has serious attention seeking issues. Mai vake vapenyu asi kugara navo pasi otaura zviri pamoyo wake. You can’t have issues with everyone. She needs to address her own issues first. Most of the things she mentioned most people experienced them e.g kutukwa but they never wrote articles about their mothers. It’s the way our parents knew how to parent not to say they were evil. If you think this is right how would you feel if it was your daughter posting on Facebook that you were evil to them instead of coming to you. Jean might be encouraged by people here on social media but she will remain Zimbabwean. I am sure the nationalities she is now claiming to be are laughing at her. I am also certain that in the near future she is going to write bad things about them too. I don’t dispute there are evil parents out there but when it becomes a pattern to write bad things about people from the church to family members, ex in laws, ex husband, friends and your own mother you wonder why.

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  30. Jean your story made me cry it reminded me of my past experiences with my mother. Though we are now in a better relationship but hey I went through a lot. The way I fight for my children is unbelievable. I am a single mom living Luxembourg with 3 kids. Thank you for sharing

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  33. Jean l urge you to forgive your mother. Whether she keeps hating or changes her attitude choose to care less. You need that inner peace. Don’t strain your spirit. Try to forgive & forget God will bless you.

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  34. Mother’s are always loving no matter what. In my personal opinion, if your mother was so cruel , she could have terminated your pregnancy. If she was so bad, she could even have put poison on her breasts during breast feeding time, if she was that cruel, she could have put poison even in your food. She had everything in her disposal that if she was really evil there could be no you today. Biblically, the secret and equation for success is the respect you give to your own parents. Hachisi chivanhu no Humwari hwacho

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  35. Not always. There are some who just kept their pregnancies because they were either afraid they might die during an abortion or they just couldn’t bring themselves to do it. It is very real that some mums really can hate their own children. And even a one year old child can feel and understand rejection, and will later show effects of that rejection.

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  36. We all had our different upbringings and at times when you look back you feel that anger. But a parent will always be a parent. They all have their faults whether mother orvfather, the best way is sit them down talk to them and male them understand how you feel and maybe they will explain their feelings. Some might not see or understand your pain yes but it won’t change your birth status. One way or the other you will need them in your life. All I am saying is try resolving the issues in the family than in public because all we can do is say what we think or support you or blame you but at the end nothing will be resolved. Talk to your mother personally that’s the only way to release all this anger.
    Thank you

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  37. Albert Einstein Says: “Artists and creative workers – people who have accomplished work worthwhile have had a very high sense of the way to do things. They haven’t been contented with mediocrity. They haven’t confined themselves to the beaten tracks; they have never been satisfied to do things just as others do them, but always a little better. Few are those who see with their own eyesand feel with their own hearts.”
    https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.alberteinstein.daily

    Albert Schweitzer says : “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”
    https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.self.motivation

    I don’t have words to say but only to say Jean you are a light to many of us. We will keep on following you good articles on this blog. …

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  39. Jean your mother treated the way she treated you because she wanted the best out of you. She could smell the potential in you. You have just betrayed her dear. And most of the answers in this blog are just from you trying to rationalise. My mother was strict on me, l achieved so much and l miss her. You are just a bitter woman who doesn’t care about her kids, do you really put a thought in what will happen to them when they are off age and they read your blog? Try to be a responsible woman

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  40. Kundai you already are against your sister and it seems you now hate her to wish her bad & death and if she needs help, you would be apologising on her behalf to everyone and making sure she gets help.
    But I really understand Jean and if you haven’t been through such bad situations you always think it’s weird, some are able to talk about it like Jean but others can’t. If you have not experienced such situations I beg you all not to judge.

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  42. People like Kundai we call them ana Paidamoyo….as in ndivo vanodiwa nanaAmai to hurt the other child who is despised the most! They will do anything for mummy kunyangwe kuroya in order to make mummy happy, even when it’s wrong! I am team Jean because honestly I understand abuse at the hands of your own biological mother. Yes 1 of the 10 commandments says; Honor your father and mother, but it never gave parents ammunition or the ultimate power to abuse it please, musanyeperana pano if you have never been abused by your own mother! Mwari vanoona what some of these mothers do when the rest of the world is not watching! Kundai wakaoma moyo, asi nerimwe zuva tables will turn against you, tinokuzivai nekuti muri ana Paidamoyo. Namata Kundai Mwari vakubuditsire chokwadi chakavanzika, ask for the spiritual eye kwete kuona nenyama! Nyaya dzevana vanoitwa sacrifice kumavambo uko kuti vamwe vapinde mudzimba umpire dziriko, not that I am saying kuti that is what transpired! To Kundai you threaten Jean kuti uchatanda botso? Nhai Kundai ndiwe Mwari here? As far as I concerned hakuna chinonzi botso, asi what happens is that mai vanoenda kunopihwa kana kusimudzira Mwana mhepo mudzin’anga….hameno vabereki hakusi kuroya here ikoko? Mhepo inosimudzwa nemunhu kwete Mwari vanoona anaAmai vanofunga kuti havaoonekwe zviito zvavo even under the cover of darkness and then play for the gallery so that hapana anoona kushata kwavo!

    To Zibani thank you for being partial.

    To Kundai aka “Paidamoyo” we all confess our sins before we go and meet our maker! Even amai venyu will do so one day, even Jean will also do so!

    But for now let her tell her story period, just coz you feel like mai vafumurwa doesn’t mean kuti zvakashata, pamwe Mwari varikugadzirisa hunhubu wavo! Usapupura nhema nekuti ndati kumavambo kana uri mwana mumusha wanga usipo iwe Paidamoyo! Namatai and namatirai mhuri kunyanya vabereki very! Besides children can be a mirror of their parents saka iwe Paidamoyo careful when you speak about Jean like that!

    To those who are going after Jean I suggest you try and imagine what she went through coz I know what she went through, I am a daughter who was abused by her mother. If you were not abused by your mother and can’t relate to what she’s saying chimbonyararai!

    Kumavambo kwe most marriages uko kune nyaya please, musa zvinyepere kana mwana akufumura hunhu hwamai….icho!!!!

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  43. This family needs deliverance from God himself. Love does exist and they dont know a piece of it. It is only the Love of God that will set you free Jean Kundai and your mom. Embrace Jesus and allow him him to teach you how to forgive and to love

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  44. Jean please tell the world how many times you have tried to kill your self? Stop the lies and tell the truth to the world.

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  45. JEAN I WONT PRAISE YOU FOR STUPIDITY URI BENZI REMUNHU ZUCHINJANISA VARUME ,KUTUKA VAMA MWENE ,AMAI ZVESE SO IWE IN ALL CASES YOU ARE CORRECT AND ALWAYS A VICTIM ?? KAHURE KEMUNHU

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  46. I have mixed feelings after reading this , I also felt as if my mother liked my brothers more than me , I was scared of chickens had to be forced to feed them and stuff . But all in all my mother is and was a loving mother so i can’t say i fully understand how you feel. Would i react the same way Kundai did if one of my siblings wrote what can be seen as “bad ” about our mother …. most probably. When someone says something “bad” about someone you hold in high regard you tend to want to defend them with all your might . My elder brother used to get in so many fights with people who used to make fun of me . So calling Kundai a witch is so unfair and uncalled for , if anything it actually cements the culture of hate that we have in Zimbabwe. There is no need to be teamJean here , this is a family in trouble that need to be helped to fix their issues and not encourage the rift. Kundai even says that she should say the whole truth meaning maybe there might be something Jean is not saying but Kundai decided its not in her place to say it which I took to mean she loves Jean despite what she said in anger . We are all guilty of saying some hurtful things in anger . Lets not breed more hate and anger but lets encourage them to talk about it as family and find healing

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  47. Jean I’m so sorry to hear about these traumatic experiences with your mum. We are taught to be silent and take abuse especially when it comes from your parent (s). Speak out for your peace of mind and most importantly for your children, that they may always know that love doesn’t have to be abusive.

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  48. Chirungu chatikuvadza shuwa..iwo mablog enyu aya instead of facing akakutadzira and deal with it we now run kusocial media and tell the whole world.l feel sorry for you Jean asi ona phychologist.l am not saying what you say your mom did is right but what good will it bring you if you publicise it like this.Have you been in able to sleep because its all over the internet,trust me it will get worse because people have opinions and most of them you dont agree with and they will be given so the wound will get worse instead of healing.Following your stories you have never tried to engage any family members in this,and also look yourself in the mirror uonewo your contribution towards this whole hatred you cant tell me all your life you were the victim.You have also hurt them in some way.Blogging wont heal you my sister you need proffesional help.The hatr is there and you publising it just makes it worse.Wish you all the best on the road to forgiveness for as long as you dont forgive those that hurt you ..you will never find peace yourself.And mind you most people here who are saying stay wherever you are and dont forgive your mum or dont try and work things with your mum they are all in good books with their mums.

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  49. Jean Forgive and move on. Whatever she did love her unconditionally our parents carry a blessing unto our life. Dai vaisakuda vakakubvisa iri nhumbu. Let go and let God.

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  50. Jean, you are a survivor, winner, role model best mother ever and, a great blessing to those of us lucky enough to read your story.

    If I will not be luckier to read your book, I have lived your life in this post and, felt the great love you are blessed with in this post.

    I am truly humbled!

    Rose Donje,

    Juba – South Sudan.

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      1. Dear Jean,

        it is my real pleasure and, an honor to connect with you. This one post from you thought me quite a lot as an African mother and, no doubt most of the things we mothers in Africa do are just similar to your mother’s only that we do them with less brutality.

        This piece from you reminded me of my own and, only daughter’s refusal to kill chicken always saying: “I am not comfortable doing it” and, I respected her word.

        Not that I succeeded in mothering; it always leaves me with internal questions like: “how is she going to manage her own house/children in the future?”

        Having inherited most of my mothering ethics from my own mother who had no education then I have wrongly shaped myself to believe there are things that girls must do no matter what.

        Having to give in to my daughter’s NOs always left me questioning if I was on the right track, thankfully you made me realize I am supposed to do more to help her grow into the person she is meant to be by the creator not (me) an African mother.

        If you can take my advice Jean, this single post that got us connected can be a chapter in a book titled “Mothering an African Girl Child” focused on guiding mothers take good care of their children with enough space for their ambitions as well as learn from our children.

        I came to realize after reading from you that we African mothers have quite a lot to explore (from) as well as give our children.

        We wrongly payed forwarded the wrong African mentoring we got to our children. You are a hero Jane for not getting involved in the pay forward scheme that blinded us African mothers for so long. Thank you for loving your children equally and, unconditionally.

        I am in South Sudan with limited/almost no resources to help educate other mothers with the great lesson I learned from you and might not leave long enough to act.

        All I can do for now is use the only asset I have now (my mouth) to let my circle of friends and, anyone I can reach learn from you as much as I can.

        I seem to be writing endlessly Jean, I love you my African sister.

        Rose.

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