Research shows that 75% of black children are raised by black single mothers. Meaning most black women are single mothers. How tragic. I refused this portion and got my Boaz. I am always asked how I got my Boaz against such odds.
Well, this is how you get your Boaz. It always happens exactly like it happened in the book of Ruth, lol maybe not exactly, but it kinda follows that theme and pattern. I believe there is a Boaz for every black single mother out there. He is just waiting for you to show up. When people see me with Nino, how happy we are together, they always ask me how I did it. I was once asked by a single mother during a school run, “How did you do it?” I also get inbox messages from my followers asking me how I got my Boaz. Well, it was destiny off course. It always is. But destiny doesn’t just happen whilst you are snoring in your bed by yourself. You have to do something. You have to get up and walk into your destiny. Yes, like Ruth you have to literally go get it. Something has to give. You have to be willing to make some life-changing sacrifices. Here are my 5 steps on how it’s done.
1) Stop Being An Independent Black Woman And Kneel Down!
This is the first step, humility. You have to change your mindset and stop the independent woman bullshit! It’s utter hogwash which deceives a lot of black single women. Like I always say Beyonce will sing Independent Woman to you whilst every night she cuddles up to Jay-Z. Be honest with yourself and refuse to follow trends. Black women, especially those who are single, love to form these feminist groups and are forever doing conferences teaching each other how independent and successful they are without men. They continue to lie to each other that they do not need men to make them happy. This is where I disagree with black feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Feminism is not for black women.
Even the lioness, the most fierce and strongest female cat in the animal kingdom needs her King. A lioness is not independent, she always goes back to her pride, where her King awaits. God never designed a woman to be independent. You need your king to protect you. You need him for security. You need him to be your companion. And of course, you need him to make sweet love to you. In other words, you need love and intimacy. It’s a need. It’s not just money and success which will make you happy. So start by re-programming your mind, other-wise you will not go far on this quest if you keep lying to yourself that you do not need a man.
2) Get Up And Leave The Church/Your Comfort Zone/Your People
This is the second crucial step. Without doing this, you will never ever get your Boaz and you will die a spinster. This is one of the main reasons why many black women are single today, especially single mothers. They do not want to leave their comfort zone, friends, surroundings, sects etc. Black women are addicted to the church and somehow believe that their husbands will come from the church, as their spiritual fathers and pastors lie to them. A Boaz is not in the church.The Boaz in the story of Ruth is even a foreigner. You need a man who is not familiar to you. He must not know you or your history. Boaz will look at you and just see a woman. People you are familiar with will judge you as a single mother. They may believe lies about you. Men from your own country (your people) may despise you and only want to use you. To get your Boaz, you have to leave these people. You need a new territory where you are not known. When Ruth went to Bethlehem, people just saw her for who she was, a hard-working virtuous woman. You need to have the mind of a go-getter.
3) Follow Your Noami
When you leave your people, you leave to follow something. You need a guide to show you where to go. You do not go on your own. Ruth followed Noami. Noami was actually her Faith. Naomi represents God. You need to follow your heart, that inner voice. You need to allow your faith to take you to a place you have never been. I used to have people (family and close friends) telling me that I could never find a man because I was a single mother. In my heart, I refused this word. Never once did I ever go out looking for a man, but I believed it was not my portion to be a single mother. I went out on the threshing floor, not looking for a man, but believing that there was something great awaiting me. I did not even let my new-born baby stop me. I was invited to an award show and went. A beautiful dark man was in front of me singing in an angelic voice “None shall sleep tonight”. My eyes started to well up. Little did I know that he was my God sent Boaz. I simply followed my heart, and there I found my Boaz.
One of my dear friends was a single mother for over 10 years, always in Church praying for a husband. One day she got a revelation that she was going to get married. Her Naomi, (her faith) told her so. She shared the revelation with her church friends who made her feel like she was crazy and discouraged her. She refused to listen to her church friends and followed her heart and did something bold. She joined a Christian dating website. Yes following Naomi means thinking outside the box. She followed her Naomi, and today she is a happily married woman who met her husband on a Christian dating site. She was a go-getter, she left everyone in her comfort zone and went out to get her Boaz. And yes, he was definitely not in the church.
4) Let The Lion In Your Boaz Come Out
Now if you have done all the above, your Boaz will be there lying on the threshing floor. You have already caught his eye. Naomi (your faith) has told you that Boaz likes you. Believe. Wear your best robes. Look fresh. Stand out. Look good. Be bold. Remember you are a lioness, not a lion. A lion is the protector of the pride. If Naomi has told you that He is the one. Allow him to protect your pride. Let him be a father to your children. Let him have your back. Let him give you the rest you deserve. He will know he is the one who is blessed to have you, a virtuous woman. Even your children will be his inheritance, his pride.
5) Enjoy Him!
My Boaz Nino and I are so blessed to have each other. I am his lioness and he is my King. I ain’t gonna lie, I am a strong woman, but I am not strong enough for lonely cold nights. It was a portion I refused. I want my back massaged and I want to lie in bed and laugh out loud. Even though my Boaz is from Ghana, he has learnt to cook me sadza (my staple food) perfectly, just the way I like it. Throughout my pregnancy with Charo, he cooked me the best sadza I had ever eaten. It’s not mothers day yet, but he bought me a card thanking me for being the best mother to our 5 children. It’s the little things he does that money can never buy. I don’t know about you independent black women, but as for me, I do need a man to make me happy. That is how you get your Boaz.