Why I Will No Longer Complain To White People About Race

Posted on by Mary-Tamar was Jean

My Debut Huffington Post Blog

I have come to that place as a black woman where I am done complaining about racism. I will not join any more campaigns or movements about race. I won’t drain my energy trying to convince anyone that Black Lives Matter.

As a black woman, I have experienced my fair share of racism. I have dealt with it by calling it out and raising awareness about it. But I realized that no matter how hard I tried, nothing was ever achieved. It was always a losing battle. The people I saw as racist either chose not to see it that way or they did not know that their actions were racist. This was more frustrating and hurtful than the racism itself and to them I became the angry black woman who overreacts about race. Thus the cycle continued.

When Coronation Street aired a racist episode where actress Cath Tyldesley mocked Kunta Kinte’s hair, I was one of the people who passionately expressed my disgust. Why should black people accept such insults? I argued. A lot of black people were outraged of course, some white people were too, but the majority of responses I got online were, “It was just a joke, get over it!”, “Why are black people so sensitive?” and “Get a life, this racism issue is getting out of hand, we can’t even have a laugh anymore”. The more black people talked about it, the more racists came out with all sorts of insults and mockery about the very thing that had caused offence. I find that in this era of social media and free speech, complaining about racism actually creates a platform for racism to be expressed freely.

Now just a few months after the Coronation Street race saga, there is another race row on social media about Gifty Louise who was evicted from X-Factor last Saturday. During her eviction, she was upset and simply acted that way. What she did was normal behavior for a sassy strong black woman especially one of an African origin. We do not hide our sad emotions. In modern day Britain, it is portrayed as arrogance and bad attitude, especially if done by a woman with dark skin. So social media buzzed with reactions of Gifty’s “bad attitude”. Again I noticed another vicious cycle. The more black people tried to call out the blatant racism Gifty suffered, the more the trolls took this as an opportunity to mock her.

So will calling out racism change how the majority of the white British society views Black women? I don’t think so. If anything, the incident like Gifty’s is proof that if a sassy black woman expresses her emotions in public, it instigates more stereotypes about black women. Complaining about it then makes the problem even worse. So my question is, why should the opinion of another race matter to black people so much? Why are black people trying so hard to convince another race to understand them? We are no longer slaves, so lets free our minds too.

I am a black woman and I know I am free. I refuse to let anyone’s opinion of me define me. I know who I am and that is all that matters. If someone looks down on me because of my skin color, it gives me a drive to work extra hard and excel. That is the only way I can change their perception of me, by proving to them that their actions or words will not limit me from achieving my goals in life. I do not need to start a movement to explain to white people who I am, I just have to excel at what I do best.

I choose to look at life positively. There must be something greater in me that is being fought. Some battles are a distraction and not worth fighting. In the battle of racism, the system is already designed to advantage the other race, so no matter how many protests, campaigns or online articles black people write, racism will never be eradicated. Some opinions can never be changed.

Oprah Winfrey has received her fair share of racism but she still excelled and became the greatest female talk show host of all times. Sports champion Serena Williams still receives racist abuse today, yet she focuses on what she does best not the opinions of people. Khoudia Diop was bullied because of her dark skin, but she overcame racism by becoming one of the world’s top models. Like Michelle Obama said, when they go lower, we go higher. So why should I waste my energy trying to change the world’s perception about my race? I have come to that place as a black woman where I’m done complaining to white people about race.

17 thoughts on “Why I Will No Longer Complain To White People About Race”

  1. From the perspective of a white person I can honestly say with my hand on my heart, I do understand what you feel about those racist remarks. The reason I can say I understand from a white person’s point of view. Is I am also in a group of people who get picked on and ridiculed just as much as people do for the color of their skin. That group I think you will agree are the disabled, and as a disabled person I feel very passionately about any form of discrimination. So I do understand whether it is your Skin, Disability, Age, Weight, Height, or even more recently Breast feeding. Whatever your difference is, it should not matter one iota, And sadly people are becoming more desensitized to remarks and gestures that others find very hurtful. And the more we tolerate these so called off the cuff remarks the more we are saying its alright to be racist, or discrimitive against any minority group. This was not what I originally posted on another site but it is exactly what I feel. I don’t think that in our lifetime we shall see the changes that need to take place, that will see us changing in our behavior and the way we treat others. But in saying that when we look back in history to those immortal words of Dr Martin Luther King “I had a dream” we have made some dramatic changes from the time these words were spoken. I do think that Dr King would agree that thing have come a long way, but still have such a long way to go. He would of been gobsmacked to see that the USA had a Black president, and I hope and dream as he did that we will have a Black prime minister. Then I think we shall see changes being made, but this will be a slow process. So as I am a fellow discriminanee and a person that is in a group that get regular discrimination because of being disabled I know that you have to fight and keep on fighting to try make a difference, no matter how small a voice you have you still have a voice, and you should shout as loud as you can. So I ask you to please keep on complaining, because if you stop then they win. And we start becoming more and more de-sensitive to the feelings and tolerance of others. So Please, please keep on speaking out, and I will do the same. From a friend, thank you.

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    1. I really appreciate your view. I was in that place where I worked so hard ro speak out against racism on black people as I have been hurt badly by it. But personally it was slowing me down and taking a lot out of me emotionally and mentally. So I had to come to that place where I can’t complain about it anymore to people who simply don’t care and make it worse the more you complain. It’s not okay but for me it is simply not worth the fight.

      With Dr Martin Luther King it wasn’t the era of free speech and social media so there was not much backslash than there is today. That’s how I see it. Very sad.

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      1. Before you their were us we were those black women who stood up for you to have your voice to speak your mind.We are the black women who met each other, once a week to help each other move forward in a racist world. We had no voice but to each other.We moved with gracefulness and we saved our sisters lives.So who am I that child that lived with that woman and listen to the strength of black women speak on blacks lives . If you know your past, your will know your path, if you are confused ,tired, think of those black women who made it possible for you to speak your mind in to days world. Being me a black women is a honor I love me but I love my sisters.I will continue to stand for myself and others.This isn’t about just me, those, it is and will always be about us.

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    2. Lol. First of all if you choose to address yourself as a “Black” woman putting Black before woman. The reason you do so is because you’re “Life” any have the God given ability to make a nation, thus naturally as a mother you don’t want your children to be mistreated, hurt and or oppressed. Check. Love you Sis. Moving to the next. Sorry for your poor experiences; however please don’t ever believe you will ever know what Blacks go through and or how we feel because I don’t know how other races feel until they tell me. Check Mate. Have a nice life and stay out the Matrix.

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  3. It’s a very interesting post thank you for you sharing your thoughts. White male here I suppose I’d better say. It’s very sad that you are no longer prepared to put your head above the parapet for what you believe in – not sure how that serves the purpose you obviously (and rightly) think is so important.

    I wonder if motivation is something that you have considered. I never watch X-Factor so can’t really comment on the incident in question, but are you really SURE she was subject to racism? If so, was it intentional or just thoughtless? Does that even matter? I wonder if you concentrated on more specifics to show people how they have been (perhaps unintentionally) racist that would help gain the more constructive response you have been looking for?

    I don’t consider myself racist, but I know I have been guilty of racist thinking. When I catch myself thinking in a racist way, especially racially stereotyping, I try to improve, but I’m certain there are times when I don’t even notice my racist thinking – perhaps even behaviour. I’d love to be enlightened personally! But I think some bits of your article could even be construed as name-calling – and that will always engender a bad reaction from people. I think it’s wrong just to blame large groups of people – white people for example – for behaviour that is wrong. As with all things it’s not just black and white (!!), there’s plenty of grey too.

    Don’t give up the fight – maybe be more constructive in carrying it out.

    Yours in admiration

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  5. What we as people of color have to understand is that after 2000 years, trillions of dollars, thousands of doctrine changes, thousands of laws put in place, thousands of funded think tanks and some really intelligent people with unlimited resources. This is where they want us, that helpless feeling when obvious injustice goes on like it all ways has, unchecked and accepted by those in charge and even those who are less fortunate than us.. White people have been tricked into believing that being a minority is the worst thing on the totem pole while they get tricked into voting and supporting things that aren’t i, there best interest.
    This system we live in has enslaved the minds of most modern peoples
    If no one in charge speaks out on ot, then it’s by design..
    We have been conditioned, and so have they.
    This issue is requires us to get on the same page first, epic task.
    There’s is no system in place in the world set up so those who under classes to win.
    Keep your beautiful head up..

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  6. I would like to make the point that not ALL white people are racist and by inferring that it lessens the cause. Black people can be racist too.
    Discrimination of any sort is wrong, but I am sure that the vast majority of the World’s population is guilty of it to a greater or lesser extent.
    I have a friend who is partially sighted and not sylph like by any means. She goes out running and receives abuse to the effect she needs to lose a few pounds. That woman has run more than 20 marathons and double marathons. She now needs a seeing running buddy when she is away from urban terrain. She raises loads of money for the Scarborough and Ryedale rescue group. The low life who call her aren’t worthy to scrape the mud off her trainers at the end of a race.
    What is happening in Britain now horrifies me. Since the referendum it seems that, for some people, an open season to be as bIgoted,offensive, racist, sexist and discriminatory as you want has been declared. I am terribly saddened by the racism that you have had to confront and overcome but the problem for you is two-fold; not only are you black but you’re a woman.
    Good luck to you. Go out there and show the bastards just how wrong they are. Hold your head up high; you’re a woman, you’re black and you’re successful and unfortunately there are people out there who can’t hack that!

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  7. Anger almost never gets a good response but at the same time we can’t just let unacceptable behaviour happen with commenting on it. I’ve tried to say things to people in a very polite and (hopefully) non-confrontational way. It isn’t guaranteed to work, but sometimes it feels like the message has sunk in.

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  8. Jean,
    All I can say is You are Beautiful on so many levels.

    I didn’t regard myself as particularly political, until I started take note of what was happening to my Brothas and Sistas. I may not have personally encountered racial harassment, but not matter where I have got to in life, there’s no way I know whether I might have got further with my abundance of talents were I not black.

    Unfortunately the Race issue scares people when it comes to debate. It had never been dealt with properly and won’t be eradicated whilst it’s still pussyfooted around. More unfortunately lumping Race in with the generalised “Diversity” issue pot, will do us even more harm, as no one has to mention Race specifically and peeps can blow their horns about how they are addressing Diversity, as they install ramps and multi-gendered W/C’s which are cleaned by the highest percentage of their lower levelled staff.

    I don’t scream about it, but I am trying to make positive change.

    http://www.idoabc.co.uk – launches fully on 14Nov 2016….please check us out and pass it on!!

    http://www.meetup.com/Make_Our_Money_Matter

    http://fillfi.one/contact.html

    https://www.meetup.com/FILLFI-NEWS-BLACK-HEARTED-SOUL-OF-LONDON/

    “Make Our Money Matter”: 07399 658 058

    All opportunities for us to come together, build, community, together, stronger!!

    I hope you will come join us and also Spread and SHARE the word.

    #WOKEnSPOKE

    NO time for bitchin’ time to start hittin’.

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  9. Just an ageing white guy here. I applaud your decision to not focus on negatives.

    I suffer from a thing about litter in the street, it annoys the hell out of me and I constantly pick it up, while condemning the careless attitude of those who dump it out of their parked cars. Trouble is.. the more I focus on it, the more I notice it, the more I react to any degree of it? So basically I’m saying we can all be guilty of enlarging what we don’t like. Much of our life experience is based on ‘interpretation’ or deciding what is important.

    I hope that doesn’t seem as if I’m justifying racism etc. No! I’m trying to stand up for personal value whoever we are. The situation within society, for women, is lacking equality also! Every human is of equal value, whatever the perceived differences.

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  10. Pingback: The Blatant Racism Of Chimamanda Adichie |

  11. We see all that is against us. We see how prepared they are. We see that the next moved shouldn’t be dialogue, but a strike. When a child rebels,we discipline. When a grown person disrespects, you discipline harder. This is what they do to us. We are weak. Admit it. They have us corned in every aspect. The bible says we should come from among them. We should have a way to not need them. They don’t need us anymore.Our forefathers could not beat them. They got too far ahead.Period. Their children are doing exactly as they need them to do, no matter what they do. We are under Gods law. This is what I spoken in the bible. We will never see our promise land again. They are told onecway that they are to come into the fold. Another where Jesus only comes back for Isreal. Yet we just want to live a normal life that’s not being allowed.we hurt, but we care about others who are not under our laws “feelings”. F*ck their feelings. They have couched everything.why? Because they took everything that belonged to us a long time ago. They just see it as a defeat. If someone ribbed you by gun point, and you see them ten years later and don’t remember you,you don’t remind them and complain. You kick their ass and leave them clueless as to why. White america marvels over WHY THIS HASNT HAPPENED TO THEM YET.that’s why they got arrogant.”well, thyre not whipping us up yet, so we must’ve done something right.” Yep. More guns bought last year than our whole military issued, stricter gun lwas on blacks lenient laws to whites IN YOUR FACE,public media alowwing them to call us NIGGERS while we want to sit and have conversation with these idiots that a black woman would refuse to have with a respectful BLACK MAN,and the list goes on. Its either deny your race manhood or culture, swirl, or become a hate monger who stays alone all your life. Because us as black people had the same problems before Jesus Christ,and now they can clone us. What kept us was the fact that we fought back.until the 20th century, it kept us. Thanks to aliens and our tombs of ancient technology we were so happy to let them raid because the people keeping them were starving or dying out,they now run the world.how could there be ALL THIS HISTORY and not ONE PERSON who can remember? Lucy and white people got some splaining to do. I know I’m going to get beat up by pussies and whinps behind computers who pay real peoplevto do their bidding because that’s how they spend extra money, but um going to say it. We were already left behind. Most if these whites are clones themselves. We will never wipe off the stain of slave, and the Bible that’s been hijacked via redaction of the holy Torah aooerently tells us what to do, and what they want. They want our spot in heaven, and think that God somehow will let that happen, since our disobedience allowed them to enslave us and come into the fold. This is not over.Until your life is conplerly take. Imagine allk your life, the reason why you go through the hell you do, is because of another human being wanting you to. Money us only as good as the person who fights behind it, its only an IOU for gold. We have no gold in america. This is why Gaddafi was killed. They didn’t want another mansa musa. They kill any of us that come to power that doesn’t make a complete fool of themselves.This is why the sword is against US.They will take our bodies next.Sharing a big bowl of vain riches for you soul and birthrights with a refreshing glass of thirsty servants to make sure the transaction goes through. This has been and will always be the struggle.Every black person should have a mandatory class on this in every grade to let them know what they really are up against.

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